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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@MissGremlin

I have a headache but that may be coffee deprivation, we'll find out shortly, if it's not that then I'll take some hydration stuff and then again if it's not that I'll take meds

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde i hope the headache goes away for you soon. Take care of yourself sweet ❤️

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

TW

Content/trigger warning
It's hard right now... not remembering what he did to me... just remembering how I felt... flashbacks... images... it's a lot...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, 30 minutes stuck in multiple flashbacks, can you please help me ground, I need that accountability

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Absolutely! Thank you for asking @avant-garde .

What sort of grounding activities work for you? I have some, but I want to make sure we focus on the ones you are comfortable with.

Actually, I'm looking for a thread because I was going to ask you something. I'll tag you in soon.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

The 5 to 1 works for me typically

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

So let's work with 5 to 1. @avant-garde

Counting back, starting at 5.

Close your eyes and SEE the number 5.

5... taking

D

E

E

P

B

R

E

A

T

H

S

in between....

4....

B

R

E

A

T

H

E....

3...

B

R

E

A

T

H

E...

2...

B

R

E

A

T

H

E

1...

B

R

E

A

T

H

E

.........

Slowly open your eyes and consider your surroundings.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I've never seen that one... 5 senses may be a better way of putting it

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

5 things I can see

  1. My Star wars light up clock from when I was homeless with the fading numbers meaning it needs a new battery soon
  2. My multiple trauma informed posters that I've been figuring out how to put up on the side of my wardrobe
  3. My diamond art letter holder with the beautiful birds on it
  4. The beautiful beach board I painted that says that I am worth fighting for
  5. My wooden box full of music boxes with different tunes

4 things I can feel

  1. The rough but usual texture of my pj shirt
  2. The smooth dense cut yoga block under my right foot for my spinal blocking for chiro
  3. My firm mattress that I'm sitting on (I like my mattress)
  4. My sheet against my right leg because I need to change them and they're coming loose

3 things I can hear

  1. The slow rhythmic ticking of my analogue clock
  2. The metallic vibration of the little bar fridge in my unit
  3. The slight ringing in my left ear from tinnitus

2 things I can smell

  1. My pj shirt needs a wash, so sweat
  2. The roll on essential oil I have next to my bed that I just put on

1 thing I can taste

  1. The salt water rinse I had to do after dinner

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Actually, I made that one up because I usually do the count down from 31 ( a calendar). And in my head, I close my eyes and watch the calendar numbers flip over until I get down to one - breathing in between of course.

5 senses is also great.

Is this like 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you feel and 1 thing you taste?

@avant-garde

I also have another one where I get a piece of paper or anything. I then hold it and use 5 words to describe it. Then I use 4 words, 3 words, 2 words and 1 word to describe it. It gets harder and harder as you work though. There are only so many words you can use to describe one small thing in your hand.

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