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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

1,841 - 1,850 of 3,558

In response to: Running

Re: Running

I never wanted just them to celebrate my 7 years clean, I just needed help initiating it because it doesn't seem worth celebrating to me. It was their idea in the first place, I just jumped on board, I wanted the community to be encouraged, like a birthday thing that Shaz does.

And you know I interact with others on here, I've even been brave and ventured out. You should go check out the last post wins, I've been amusing the moderators.

Looking at the tv guide and finding what I want to watch, it creates a schedule for me for when I'm sick. I figure laying down all day won't let the snot drain from my nose

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Just dropping in for a little wave and maybe a hug when and if it feels right for you @avant-garde

There is a concept in group work… that groups can go through stages

form… storm… norm… perform

the storming and norming…. Can feel difficult… but seem necessary as people share from their authenticity and try to work through things to mutual satisfaction… people don’t all have the same background or qualities….the point is that all will benefit from genuine engagement… and then hopefully be able to perform at their best. I believe we can agree to leave space between us like a tree needs a certain space to thrive.

I am also going through difficulties on these issues…. Was up in the middle of the night..not cos of your posting… it was good to see you out and about… but I have my own family complexities over a few generations…also centering on these very issues. I was triggered by discussion about the Pride month but working through it.

I also respect you have a high level of concern for others.

sometimes it’s gently bently… sometimes it is the fire in the belly… tricky arts… and a weaving dance…

Figuring which piece of the jigsaw goes where…

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Appleblossom

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

It's not wrong for me to tag you guys is it?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

hey @avant-garde firstly - congratulations for passing the 7 year mark!! very proud of you for that 💙

also loving the new additions to the plushie collection. and glad to see you took Dreamy to the movies, hope it went okay!!

back to your question - you can absolutely tag us!! although, i would like to gently remind you that we can't promise a quick a reply (and sometimes we might miss some tags too) - pls know that when we don't reply fast/miss a tag, it's not that we don't care or don't want to chat. we care HEAPS and we wish we could get to everyone in time. but we do other things besides modding which is why we might seem active online but we might be caught up with something else, sometimes even off the forums. if you want further clarity around this, feel free to reach out 💙

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Clarity would be good please

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sure thing! @avant-garde do you mind letting me know which parts you feel unsure about?

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@rav3n wrote:

but we do other things besides modding which is why we might seem active online but we might be caught up with something else, sometimes even off the forums.

@rav3n

This part

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

yep so although we're peer support workers who moderate the forums, we do many different things throughout our shifts too such as:

  • attending to the busy email inboxes
  • attending meetings outside of forums
  • communicating and planning with other team members and sometimes other SANE departments
  • working on ideas for threads, events or spaces
  • moderating other spaces within SANE that's not the forums (e.g. webinars)
  • taking our breaks
  • completing training

etc. some moderators do more or less of these tasks, it's hard to predict at times. @avant-garde we've actually been meaning to make a post for the whole forums community where we explain why we don't always respond/can't respond quickly but just haven't gotten around to it yet because of busy we've all been. there's more reasons than this too, but that's all my brain can think of right now - does that help? if it doesn't let me know!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

Like the conference last week? I wasn't the only one wondering where you all went by the way

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