Running

Gotcha, that's why I asked @avant-garde

So I wanted to apologise for not responding last night, I decided to take time to think rather than respond from a reactive place. To be completely honest with you, the message made me pretty deeply uncomfortable. Even if it is only pretend, I still really don’t respond well to a perceived threat of violence. My toes do not deserve to be stomped on for me just doing my job. Mind you, I know that you are not a violent person nor do I believe you actually wanted to cause me harm. However, the words still had an impact on my psyche.

My obligation is to this community first and foremost. I wanted you to celebrate your milestone with the community, not with me. At the end of the day I am not your friend, nor am I friends with any of the other members. I am a peer support worker, which means I am part of this community, but I’m not a member, and there will always be a power differential between us because of that. I do apologise if I have lead you to believe otherwise. And please know this does not mean I care about you or anyone else here any less. I just need to be clear about my boundaries and realistic about what I can and cannot provide in this space.

I want you to find connection with everyone here, and I want you to be able to get the most out of this community, even when I’m not around. Because I simply cannot promise that I will always be here when you want me to be. And the last thing I want is to end up hurting you if I accidentally make false promises or lead you to believe that I can provide more than what I actually can.

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@moderator

I'm finding it really hard to be here, I'm really confused and not coping with it. I've tried the crisis services but they're just making it worse

Hi @avant-garde

Sounds like it's a rough time at the moment.

I have sent you an email.

Stay safe yeah

@Ru-bee

I feel like I made a mess of it, that I'm just going to screw things up again and that I'm better off disappearing

Hey @avant-garde is this about the posts above, or something else that's going on?

If it is about above, it's nothing that can't be worked through. As humans we all make a mess sometimes, and since we're all humans on here messes will naturally arise but it's nothing can't be sorted out together.

If it is about something else, I am all ears if you need to talk about it.

Either way, we're not going anywhere, and I hope that you're not either!

@Ru-bee

It is about above, I went somewhere really dark last night too scared to come back here.

I just wanted to make sure I didn't lose everyone here.

Well you certainly haven't lost anyone on here @avant-garde

Are you okay after last night? I mean, it's understandable if you're still taking things in and are feeling unsure and maybe not completely okay, but with you mentioning that you went to a dark place I wanted to make sure that you're feeling safe today?

@Ru-bee

Safe enough

Just trying to get through today

Also feeling quite angry

Noticed patches59 and rockypug have the same avatar

That's fair enough to be feeling angry @avant-garde and I'm glad that you're able to voice that here. What's helping you get through the day at the moment?

Yeah, I've noticed that some members share the same avatars, I think there are some stock ones that you can choose from and some members decide to use those when they sign up