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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

It would confuse my belief system and put my church membership in jeopardy, I have my beliefs and I think for our friendship it's not necessary that you need to convince me.

My basic belief is that I believe sin caused the shift away from two genders and yes I believe you're non binary but I don't have to agree with it (stupid autocorrect) being ok, that like with any Christian circumstance, sin is not ok, not just with gender if that makes sense.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

Sorry if you've already read that last message @Jynx there was an AutoCorrect error that changed the meaning

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

@avant-garde if it is resonant with your belief system to see it this way, and you are not going out of your way to actively harm the community (e.g. taking this belief into queer spaces and imposing it on others) then I got no qualms with it. If it helps you make sense of the world, then more power to you 😊

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

You think I would do that? Willingly cause harm to others?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx sorry, triggered state, I know you don't think I would, you know me better than that

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

Not at all what I was implying @avant-garde in fact the fact that I know you would never willingly cause harm to others is why I worded it like that... I guess the slight sarcasm didn't come through lol.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx sarcasm doesn't quite work when I'm triggered, but @tyme is best suited to help me with this one because it's church related

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx are we ok?

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

Regarding the gender stuff we're okay @avant-garde but I realised I haven't shared my thoughts from last night with you yet.

We are still okay regardless (like I am not expecting any kind of ending to our working relationship at all, I very much want to continue working with you!!), so please don't worry that I am going to reject you or try to push you away. But I would like to be honest with you.

I am going to be logging off soon however, so would you prefer I wait? Just FYI I won't be back on till Friday (new roster, I'm here Fri-Sun now).

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

The anxiety will be worse if I wait until Friday, please just pull the band-aid off now

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