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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

oh HECK YEAH for sleepies @avant-garde I got some solid hours in too.

Hehehe oh I love cats that think they are god's gift... cos they are!! It's like a meme I saw, "Everyone always says their cat is the cutest cat in the whole world. And you know what? Every single one of them is correct." 😹

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Got this on clearance too, to help me with my chores

You seem quite run off your feet tonight

Did you see my post about our conversation about my 7 year anniversary?

I provided proof

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh that's a great score @avant-garde 😍

Scattered - hormones make my meds less effective 😅

Aye yes I was thinking about it today, and I had a couple ideas, but mainly it comes down to what is most meaningful to you about this.

Like would a big post discussion about the journey be a meaningful process, as well as a contribution to the community?

Would you prefer more of an invitation for others to share and track their progress?

Or a smaller, softer affair to welcome folks specifically to celebrate this milestone for you?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I have the rod in the arm to manage my hormones and reduce my seizures

I've never had anyone to celebrate with, people don't realise how much of an addiction self harm is and the mental turmoil it takes to break it and to stay clean.

I think a combination of b+c

I want the milestone to be celebrated but I also want others to be encouraged in however far they have come and to not think that even 1 day isn't a milestone. I don't want others to feel bad for however far they have come and compare themselves to me.

Does that make sense?

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I love this! There have been so many wonderful, seemingly small moments that have made such a positive impact on your day. I think that is the beauty of connecting to gratitude, it can allow us to see random happenings as meaningful, and the more we do this, the more we start to notice how often they pop up and the better we feel overall. It's a win-win! hehe

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I want to start HRT soon I think, so maybe it will become a thing of the past!

Hmm well maybe have a think then about whether you'd like to start the thread yourself, or whether you'd want one of us to do so. We could also do both - you can make one to celebrate your milestone, and we can make one to invite discussion from broader community?

Options!

And it is this Wednesday, correct?

Be proud to help you in marking this one hun, what a huge achievement 😊

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

30th, not this Friday, but the following, the day I normally talk to @rav3n, you're not on that day.

I don't know how I'd start the celebratory one, the discussion one is more my beat but I also know it's difficult for me to navigate the guidelines with it so it makes me apprehensive

But you're about to sign off so goodnight!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I haven't been part of this conversation and didn't see your original post, but something hit me with this...with you saying that people don't realise how addictive SI can be.

I infer, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you've gone sometime without.

I wanted to say - from someone whose current record stands at 24 hours - this is huge!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@NightFury

By some people I mean those in my physical life, those that have never struggled with it and don't know how addictive it is.

I have always found the first 24 hours the hardest so well done!

There's so much misunderstanding around mental health, SI and PTSD that people think they know and then damage further with what they think they know.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde not really well done. That was yesterday...

But I wanted to say, well done and I know. And when/if you post, I'll be there. No pressure though.

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