Running

@avant-garde Hmm, is it putting up with your bad mood or sitting with you while you express yourself? I am happy to do this. 💛

@AuntGlow

People at church don't seem to quite like my bad moods, I get told how to feel and what to do, they don't know that it's me protecting them from my overwhelming sadness and big emotions. Where in fact if they just hugged me I would burst into tears

I hear you, @avant-garde. It can be so tough to let those protective layers fall and allow someone to see our vulnerability... I wonder what that would be like to allow someone to hold you, so you can cry? 🩷

@AuntGlow

They wouldn't do that, it makes them too uncomfortable, they've told me so. My church really doesn't do emotion.

Oh. 😔 That's really tough, @avant-garde.

You absolutely deserve a shoulder to cry on... it sounds like it still offers you a sense of connection? Is church helping you in any other ways right now?

@AuntGlow

I don't know if those are questions I can answer honestly right now.

@avant-garde That's okay, you absolutely don't have to. ☺️

I am curious, is there anything you need from me/us tonight with all that you are feeling?

@AuntGlow

Church starts in about 30 minutes, after I'll be allowed to be an emotional wreck. It's me letting myself be the emotional wreck that I find difficult. I need to feel heard, accepted and validated, things I struggle to do myself, being alone in the darkness is the worst thing for me because then I spiral.

So I guess what I need is encouragement to let my walls down and to not feel alone when I finally get home

@avant-garde This is totally and completely valid. Being alone in the dark, with our thoughts and bodily sensations, can feel so incredibly overwhelming - it forces us to be confronted with, well, everything. And that is bloody hard. I think you are doing so well by simply voicing your needs and acknowledging the parts of you that need more support. I will be here after church ends; we can do this vulnerability thing together, okay? ☺️🩷

@AuntGlow

Trying to tell myself that I don't have to hold it together now