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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

I was far too anxious to look at others work, but they enquired about mine... the organiser seemed more interested in my poetry... but I got some opinions on decisions I had to make for the book illustrations which was helpful.

I'm not the only sketcher which is nice!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh that's so good!! so proud of you for putting your work out for people to see - i've also found it sooo scary, especially with written work - and here you are, bravely sharing and getting people opinions too!!

what'd you do after the open art house, any lil treats for yourself? oh and with the art house, do you share your artwork every fortnight?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

How do I put this... the sharing of our work is not the sole purpose, it's having a bunch of artists come together and just work on our own stuff, more community, less showcase.

My dad dismissed everything I was good at, am good at, I finally feel like I'm finding that again.

I went and got lunch and picked up the book I had ordered.

The first cosy mystery puzzle book by Dan Moore

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde i never actually knew what an open art house involved, i've just heard the term used in conversation so made my own assumption - but this makes a lot of sense, thanks for that!! i love the sense of community aspect, sounds like a lovely wait to connect and learn from each other.

so glad you've got this space to work on things you love, and build that positive self-esteem too!!

ooo mystery puzzle book sounds so interesting!! how does that work- is it a new puzzle on each page? or does all the puzzles give lil clues to an overall mystery at the end?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

All puzzles give little clues to the overall mystery at the end

It hurts that everything I tried growing up was dismissed and trodden out... there's a kind of grief in rediscovering it too...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

that's so cool! @avant-garde when you do finish it off, i'd love to here how it went and mystery spoilers!

that makes so much sense, i've felt that with my own childhood too. it's can be bittersweet? there's the grief aspect and then it's so beautiful that we're nurturing that part of us now, showing ourselves that we deserve love.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

oh just saw your other tag now! @avant-garde sorry it took a while to get back! lots of modding tonight, apologies for taking a while to respond!!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

My grandmother was a painter and she had her community too, it makes me feel connected, but also miss her.

I miss her so much, she loved me so much

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

that's such a beautiful way to connect with her @avant-garde i'm so glad you felt loved by her, i'm sure she would've loved to see your work at the open art house 💙

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