Running

@Jynx

I got angry at Bible study last night...

but also the meeting I had yesterday...

the meeting yesterday... she advised me that I need to get over Delilah in my church and accept that she's going to keep coming and I need to stop getting triggered by her and forgive her.

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@Jynx wrote:

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@avant-garde wrote:

Why do old people smell weird?

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@avant-garde feel like there's gotta be like an educational youtube doco on it or something, surely 😅

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@Jynx

"As our skin matures, its natural antioxidant protection declines. This decline results in greater oxidation of lipid acid. When lipid acid is oxidized, the chemical compound nonenal is produced, giving off the “old people smell” that many of us are familiar with."

@avant-garde Oh neat, when you learn how to just friggin turn off your triggers will you let the rest of us know?

/sarcasm

That's awful hun. Also, forgiveness is a deeply personal act that cannot and should not be demanded of a person. I'm sorry this is what's been asked of you.

@Jynx

Just because she has a daughter with anxiety, panic attacks and seizures doesn't mean she knows trauma, doesn't mean I shouldn't be driving, doesn't mean that she understands me.

Delilah is a trigger,

tw: abuse

Forgiveness will come when the threat is removed.

@avant-garde indeed, it is very unpleasant to be told how we ought to respond to our own needs. Perhaps what your church is failing to understand is that by telling you this, they have given you no chance to have your own agency over your sense of safety in the situation. Merely told you to 'get over it' - i.e. 'just be unsafe then.'

Hmmmm no that doesn't seem like something you would allow, you've fought to hard to carve out the safety you have in your life now!

@Jynx

Then there was last night... they've rearranged the bible study groups and my first elder is in the same group as me and he knows bits of my history but still made the assumption that I was raised Christian, that my dad is Christian! I glared at him something fierce.

My dad is the complete opposite of Christian

How you going tonight @avant-garde ?

Ugh, you have to duck and weave all sorts of social minefields hey, trying to get your needs met. Assumptions made so frequently, leaving you to constantly explain yourself (or decide to let it slide and cop the internal turmoil instead). I sense a big theme is feeling misunderstood.

@Jynx

I just got home after a long day

And here I am having a long day at home @avant-garde though I imagine you'd trade your tired for my restlessness pretty quick, no?

*gentle hugs*

@Jynx

Yeah probably, I'd put that restlessness to use and sort things.

And you're right, I long for people to understand me.