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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

No like memories on repeat that I'm finding overwhelming and I need help with

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

TW: sexual abuse

Content/trigger warning
I arrived at my friends place and they were talking about something called "the handmaids tale" a fictional story made into a movie, a story that has strong correlation to my own.
My friends husband talked about how fertile females were used just for that reason... except that was my reality

If that's too much detail feel free to edit, I trust you

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I can imagine it is incredibly jarring to hear people casually discussing a piece of fiction only to hear it resonating so closely with your own experiences. Did it make for a difficult experience at your friends'? How are you feeling now?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

My friend knows, her husband doesn't, I hide the true extent of the trigger and the emotions as much as I can to stop others feeling bad.

She later asked me how I got out and I couldn't tell her but the question alone ignited those memories, that night...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde Do you feel like you wanna keep talking about it hun?

Seems like it's leading you towards the triggered memories rather than away, but it's not up to me to tell you what you're needing, I am just trying to maximise psychological safety... aka protect ya!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I need to feel heard @Jynx, I need someone to hear me and believe me, I write to feel heard, tell me that I matter... that my voice matters...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde It’s such a human experience to want to feel heard, believed and understood. No one wants to feel like they’re alone in what they’ve experienced. And like you're definitely not alone in your experiences, they are just very uncommon.

You know I found out this quote from the author of that book, the handmaids tale?

Shared experience can be found in many unexpected places!

I can imagine this afternoon took a lot out of you, so I hope you are being slow and gentle with yourself hun 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hey @rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

hey @avant-garde just read about your dentist appt, so so glad it went well!!! hopefully it makes future appts with her less daunting.

how's your Friday going?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n

I haven't hated today so that's a win, how about yours?

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