creative_writerSenior Contributor
I feel nothing
I feel nothing. I don’t feel real, I am nothing. Nothing else feels real either
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I feel nothing
105 replies
In response to: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
@creative_writer aye for sure, I reckon it'd be good as well for keeping a sense of novelty (in this context novelty simply means 'new and interesting', not like how a carnival game is a novelty haha) - something we all definitely need in order to keep our brains sharp!
Oh that's rough, sounds like it's been more impactful of late? Could be something to chat to your GP about if you haven't already. I have heard of others having a similar reaction after SA, a feeling of being... tainted I guess. If it were me in your shoes, I would probably try to do something a bit ritualistic - a spiritual scrubbing of sorts! Some sage smudging, symbolic gestures of cleansing, writing a bunch of the dark n scary thoughts down and burning them, stuff like that. If it's a psychological sense of being unclean, regular cleaning products aren't really gonna work methinks, so turning to psychological cleansing would be my approach. Do you think something like that, but more meaningful for/connected to your own spirituality, could be good?
PS I'm about to log off, so maybe catch you tomorrow poppet. May your slumber be solid this evening 😋💜🫂
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@Jynx I am wary of clinicians who don’t follow the latest research. I believe it’s not just about ticking boxes but actually applying yourself and striving for growth as a professional. My supervisors on placement were perfectionist but were very open to ideas, one of the reasons why I got along with them so well.
I’ve always had OCD traits, I might actually fit the criteria. My mum is a huge germaphobe, so cleaning was normal growing up. I just wonder whether it’s been exacerbated by trauma. Cleaning does give a sense of control. Even my relationship with food has OCD like undertones. Obviously physically cleaning items or myself does not wash away the gross feeling of trauma. The gross feeling does keep me stuck. I could try connecting to spiritual cleaning.
I hope you slept well last night💖. I’m just on my way to uni for afternoon classes
I’ve always had OCD traits, I might actually fit the criteria. My mum is a huge germaphobe, so cleaning was normal growing up. I just wonder whether it’s been exacerbated by trauma. Cleaning does give a sense of control. Even my relationship with food has OCD like undertones. Obviously physically cleaning items or myself does not wash away the gross feeling of trauma. The gross feeling does keep me stuck. I could try connecting to spiritual cleaning.
I hope you slept well last night💖. I’m just on my way to uni for afternoon classes
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
hello @creative_writer , @Koa30 , @Jynx 😎
’m just on my way to uni for afternoon classes---- hope your afternoon goes well @creative_writer
hello @Koa30 , how is your day going
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@Shaz51 I got through it. I do have a heavy head right now😞. I hate how often migraines are still occurring, I did not sleep all that great last night, I’ve got the jitters from lack of sleep, I couldn’t stop stimming in my afternoon class, lots of leg bouncing and ring playing
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
tymeModerator
Re: I feel nothing
Heya @creative_writer , how's things?
What have you been up to lately? I'm sorry you didn't sleep so well last night.
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
Hopefully you can sleep better tonight after what happened today @creative_writer
@tyme
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
@creative_writer yeah absolutely agree, we're always learning new things about the human psyche and being able to stay up to date is incredibly important. I'm sure you've also heard stories from folks who go to see a psych or someone and they're still using some horrifyingly outdated approach. Plus, as we learn more about trauma we learn more about just how impactful it can be, which to my mind is helping us move away (albeit agonisingly slowly) from the pathologising diagnostic model, and towards a 'recovery from psychological injury' kind of approach.
Oh true, is it something you've gone over with your supports at all, or more just an inkling?
Hope your classes went well this arvo!
Hey @Shaz51 😁💜
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I feel nothing
@tyme I’m bouncing back from burn out slowly. I do need to be careful with spring. Spring brings more sunlight and can shift circadian rhythms. How have you been?
@Shaz51 I hope so too. How are you and Mr Shaz?
@Jynx outdated therapy or treatment towards mental illness is a red flag for me. I don’t like those minority therapists who take an all knowing stance because the client is the expert in their life. You can’t tell someone they don’t have X symptoms because you want to be right so you can fit the person in a box and tell them what they should do (without asking them how they want to manage their care). I feel like I’ve gone on a bit of a rant, I’ve only ever encountered one pdoc like that. Her critical nature may have shaped my inner dialogue. Whenever I feel like things aren’t moving like they should, I blame myself for not “trying hard enough”. I’ll be honest, I haven’t really discussed OCD symptoms as much as of yet, but it seems to be affecting me a lot right now so may be worth bringing up. Some of the things might sound silly, there is some comfort in wiping things with antibacterial wipes. Though I know it’s good for the immune system to be exposed to some level of germs
@Shaz51 I hope so too. How are you and Mr Shaz?
@Jynx outdated therapy or treatment towards mental illness is a red flag for me. I don’t like those minority therapists who take an all knowing stance because the client is the expert in their life. You can’t tell someone they don’t have X symptoms because you want to be right so you can fit the person in a box and tell them what they should do (without asking them how they want to manage their care). I feel like I’ve gone on a bit of a rant, I’ve only ever encountered one pdoc like that. Her critical nature may have shaped my inner dialogue. Whenever I feel like things aren’t moving like they should, I blame myself for not “trying hard enough”. I’ll be honest, I haven’t really discussed OCD symptoms as much as of yet, but it seems to be affecting me a lot right now so may be worth bringing up. Some of the things might sound silly, there is some comfort in wiping things with antibacterial wipes. Though I know it’s good for the immune system to be exposed to some level of germs
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
JynxModerator
Re: I feel nothing
Big oof @creative_writer the 'not trying hard enough' narrative is soooo toxic. I think that ND folks are also more likely to get slapped with this one when they have like, slip ups in masking or can't engage with a task in the 'correct' way. I like the quote for this kinda thing that 'If you were always at your best, it wouldn't actually be your best, it would be your average.' Or like 'If you only have energy to give 40% effort today, and you give 40% effort, then you gave 100% effort.'
Have you found ways to reassure yourself that you are in fact, trying the appropriate amount for your own needs?
About to head off btw, might catch you on the weekend if you're about! Have a spiffy night hun 💜
In response to: Re: I feel nothing
tymeModerator
Re: I feel nothing
Hey @creative_writer , I thought spring would've been better than winter... right?
