I feel nothing

@tyme I have to be wary of my sleep because lack of sleep can induce mixed episodes. I am more prone to mixed as opposed to hypomanic. Even when I did have a hypomanic episode without depression weeks for like five days, I did burn out, so even that is probably not good for me in the long term despite it feeling so good.

I feel gross and everything feels gross. I have urges to disinfect things with wipes and SH. I haven’t SH for months. I’m safe

hey @creative_writer i'm so sorry to hear your struggling with those urges right now. really glad to hear your safe.

is there anything that helps you soothe those thoughts/feelings that you can give a go right now?

let me know what you need - whether its a space to talk or a distraction, i'm here 💗

@rav3n I feel like I’m making it hard for myself. I refuse to reach out for support even though I know I probably should. I don’t want to talk about trauma but it’s weighing me down

@creative_writer i hear you, reaching out when you need it most can be tough - is there anything in particular that's making it hard for you? is it because you don't want to talk about the trauma or is there other barriers?

also, totally fair if talking about the trauma feels like too much right now. i find that figuring out what emotions i'm feeling and working on ways to soothe those helps me. i.e. if i feel disgusted, then taking a warm bath and slabbing on some body butter, putting on a new set of pj's, lighting a candle, etc helps those feelings. is there something similar to that that may help you?

Fair enough @creative_writer

Please look after yourself. I hope you will one day find what works best for you. It sounds like there's still a lot of trial and error?

@rav3n I don’t want to burden others, I don’t want to be judged. I feel like I shouldn’t rely on people.

I already tried a warm shower and did the whole exfoliating and moisturising, sprayed some perfume. Still feel gross. I’m struggling to shake this shame off

@tyme I think it’s going to take trial and error. Doesn’t help that I’m feeling a flashback in my body

i think reaching out to people for support, especially when you really do need it, is a very human thing right? or else we'll probably just keep spiraling down and not really moving forward. i know that experiencing certain situations can trick us into thinking we're being a burden but reaching out also means you're relying on you! you're relying on yourself to take action and get the support you need to look after yourself @creative_writer

ahh i see, shame can be a icky one to shake off, i know that feeling is uncomfortable to sit in, i hope it dissolves soon - please be kind to yourself, you are only human and you deserve to feel good 💙

Hope you can eventually work through it with someone you trust @creative_writer . You deserve it.

What was school life like for you?