Support for JAT

Hey @Ru-bee

thank you - he is being well looked after by a great team so that’s great.

after yesterday I feel relief? If that makes any sense? I’m not just crazy, or attention seeking or manipulative as I have been called in the past.

It makes me feel better to be honest that I know what I’m up against and can get the right treatment and therapy so I can live a better life going forward compared to the struggles of the past.

I am struggling with one aspect - my mum is the cause of my trauma and after she triggered me about a month ago I cut contact to focus on myself. My dad understood, my brother was very passionate in voicing that what I was doing “is shithouse” but I went and seen him and explained that he was too young to see and remember a lot of things and honestly we have different mums in the way of how we are both treated by her. And also explained my diagnosis.

I was physically and emotionally abused until 16 and then asked to leave the property @16 after sneaking out for the first time, when I returned home the doors and my window was locked so I slept in the cubby house at 7:30 am they told me to leave the property and I went and sat in a park till the local Salvation Army was open and then went into share houses through them and another organization.

I had no family contact for 5 years until I became pregnant at 21 - since then we have had a relationship but she still does treat me like a child, nothing I do is right, and most of the time I feel shit after being with her, but there have been good times and I do miss her in my life and have feelings of guilt from taking space when she doesn’t know why.

she is 63, lives alone and has struggles of her own after losing my step dad to suicide in 2018. I don’t know what to do,

I feel like I can’t sit her down and tell her that my childhood and the abuse and trauma caused has got me to where I am now at 38, and has caused a lot of struggles in the past growing up alone so to speak.

She is very stubborn and likes to deal with things alone and I feel as though this would push her over the edge if I took her to task.

any advice on where to go next with my relationship with her?

That makes complete sense @JAT receiving a diagnosis can be validating and can bring a feeling of clarity.

Regarding the situation with your mum, it sounds like taking this time away from your mum to focus on your own wellbeing is needed right now. Good on you for having that conversation with your brother, that statement of having different mums is standing out to me. It's so true that two siblings can have such vastly different experiences with a parent and this phrasing describes that so accurately.

As to advice on where to go next in your relationship, I wish I had a clear answer for you. Do you feel that taking her to task would help you at this stage or do you feel like perhaps for now you'd prefer just leave it with maintaining this space and focusing on yourself?

Perhaps as you continue on your journey of working on your own wellbeing there might come a point where you feel more ready to revisit your relationship with your mum, or maybe the opposite will feel true for you, either way sometimes focusing on ourselves brings us greater clarity in our relationships.

Hearing you @JAT . It sounds like it can be so challenging when you really want to help you and your son, but are not sure of the way forward.

I'm glad to hear there has been some progress with the BPD diagnosis (if this helps answer some of your questions you have about what's happening).

Please continue to look after yourself.

For me, in order to look after myself, I moved away from family. Of course I'm not saying this is the same for you, but this is what it took for me to heal. And when I felt able to reconnect with them, I did.

We are all different. It's important to find what works for you.

@Ru-bee

Yes for the first time my heart and mind are in agreement, I do need space. I think I’m so full of emotions still that it wouldn’t be productive for a future relationship.

I also cannot do something just out of guilt, and that’s what I would be doing, I need to worry about me, it is what it is, and there will come a time. I’m number one 🙂

@tyme

Thank you, for your personal experience! Family are really tough sometimes! I’m glad you were able to reconnect.

I just keep thinking “break the generational chain”.

I’m working on me, what will be, will be.

Hey @JAT ,

How are things going for you? Hope things have been a little better.

By connecting with others here, I hope it encourages you to just keep going. We recognise it's not always easy.

Feel free to reach out and tag me or others 🙂

We'd love to hear from you again.

@tyme @Ru-bee @Shaz51

I have been going ok, it’s my relationship that’s struggling I feel like I am splitting on my partner more regularly and it causing a lot of stress and anguish.

The thoughts in my head, the suicidal ideation came out of my mouth for the first time and he was quite hurt about it and expressed that he is struggling with things at the moment.

I kinda feel like I need to keep it all in to protect him, because I don’t want to die, I just want my head to stop.

I’m on my 4th pre commitment session for DBT this week, and am really connecting with my psychologist and am looking forward to our sessions. I also have the Sane counselling once a fortnight and am seeing my social worker/case manager too.

but I feel like I’m not progressing forward if that makes sense. In reality I am, after 2 months I’m starting back full time at work on Monday, I attended my first boxing class ever on Thursday and it was amazing, a great frustration release and great for my head I felt great all day, and was proud of myself for just doing it instead of talking about it.

Just always feel like I’m stuck in my head and it’s a scary place sometimes.

i don’t know how to explain to my partner that I don’t even realise what I’m saying or doing sometimes when I get in a state - is this normal?

Ohh sitting with you @JAT

It is hard when you have to keep things to yourself and having to be careful on what you say

@Jynx

@Shaz51

Thank you, I appreciate that.
It’s a struggle, I feel like I want him to understand more and why I do the things I do but I don’t know how to get that across without my BPD being seen as an “excuse”.

Yes it can be tricky @JAT , and to pick the right time is hard too

Do you think writing it down may help you so he can read it ?

For me I find I can only explain little bit to my husband at a time