Support for JAT

I haven’t thought about that to be honest @Shaz51 have in the past explained myself through words or notes I’ve made and he said that I’m really great with my words, so it might be a positive thing I could do.
but where to start 😂 it’s so deep and complex that even I don’t understand myself sometimes!

I just feel like I’m going to loose him because we are total opposites in the way of him being so care free, happy and just goes with the flow and I’m so uptight, worried all the time and need plans with dates and times so I feel safe if that makes sense.

sometimes I wonder how he’s made it this far ❤️

He must care for you @JAT 😊

Where to start , you don't want to overwhelm him

But what you just said here about that you need plans with dates and times so you feel safe or you start worrying

Thanks for the tag @Shaz51 💜

Hey @JAT just been reading along, first off good on you for being able to recognise that you are making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it! That can be really hard at times, difficult to see the forest through the trees kinda thing. So kudos 😊

I wonder, does your partner have a reasonable understanding of BPD, splitting, all of it; enough to be able to have an understanding of what is driving your behaviour? He could have a read through of our BPD Factsheet as a starting point.

I can relate to the feeling of not wanting your BPD to be seen as an 'excuse'. I had a similar thought when I first got diagnosed with ADHD - I was worried I'd start to use it as an excuse for poor behaviour. Over time, I've been able to make distinction between my ADHD being an excuse, vs it simply being a reason. For me the difference lies in how this influences moments I need to be accountable. It's sorta the difference between saying 'I did this thing and I don't care how it affects you because I have ADHD' vs. 'I did this thing, and I know it is because of my ADHD. But I also see how it affects you, and I am sorry for that.' Then I will try to work on ensuring that behaviour is less impactful where possible, but also not hold onto guilt or shame about something I can't always help. Anyway, hope this helps you in navigating that feeling - it's a tricky one, especially when they're behaviours we might wanna work on changing.

And yeah, he's stuck around for a very good reason. It's you. You're the reason. 💜

Hey @Jynx

Thank you that is very valuable advice. He has said he has done some research but I honestly don’t feel like he has in depth. And I’m trying to force him to or to shove it in his face, but I definitely don’t want to sweep it under the carpet.
He has struggled in the past with mental health, but is one of the lucky ones that was able to just go I don’t want to feel like this and he changed it and is a very positive person now.

I am definitely wanting to change my behaviour, or even recognise it at least to begin with - I don’t want to be stuck in my pain/anger 24/7.

I find myself being taken over by the feelings, in my mind and I feel it in my body and it’s so hard to just shake it off and get on with it.

That last line hit hard, it is me and I think I need to keep reminding myself of that and not get lost in a negative spiral ❤️

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@JAT wrote:

@tyme @Ru-bee @Shaz51

i don’t know how to explain to my partner that I don’t even realise what I’m saying or doing sometimes when I get in a state - is this normal?

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Hey @JAT ,

Thanks for tagging me. It's great to hear from you.

Reading your post, I can totally relate. As for your question above, from my experience, it's very 'normal'. For me, when my emotional state took over, there was very limited or no reasoning left in me so I often couldn't understand what I was doing or why - it just happened. It's only upon reflection that I can look back to unpack what happened and hopefully work on strategies to prevent it happening again.

Hope I'm making sense.

How are you going @JAT ? hope you are okay.

@tyme @I’m really struggling.

hey @JAT i don't think we've officially met - i'm rav3n, one of the peer mods here, it's nice to e-meet you 😊

i'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment, is this something you want to talk about? i'm here 💙

Hi dear @JAT ,

I've just read your message. I'm sorry to hear you are really struggling.

What's happening for you? Please know you are not alone.

The mental health journey can be a real uphill battle sometimes, and this is when we need each other for support.

Hugs to you.

I'm thinking of you and hope to hear from you soon.

Hey @JAT ,

I'm thinking about you. How are you? I hope you are okay.