While in hospital

sending you hugs @BlueBay

we are with you my friend xoxo

Ah sheesh @BlueBay

I gotcha back - I have known this all along and actually you have too - but the penny took its time falling and bingo - now the painful truth has really hit

It was - sometimes still this - this way for me with my mother and she died and I still wonder what the heck I was supposed to do about this horrible mess - it was wasn't my fault - it wasn't your fault

And it's so in your brain and in your face that other people have Mum's that visit - I am so sorry

Grief hurts - realisation hurts - truth hurts - all this is a sign of you healing

I know because I have been where you are about the mother thing myself

Oh dear - Dec

Hi @BlueBay

Ah so your family is ITALIAN - yes I know about mothers and I know about Italian families too - the family is the centre of the universe and everything - family is the be all and end all - and it makes the way your mother has behaved all the more shocking - how could she?

I am half Irish and half English - on Dad's side it was all stiff upper lip and I learned not to show emotions - my Irish side is emotional - but Mum couldn't be upset - aw no - and she was all Irish - and yet that stiff upper lip ruled our lives

Anyway - yes that is hard seeing how the mums come into visit their daughters - so hard - I remember when I first hurt my spine and had not seen my mother for so long and spoken to her decently for longer - I was lying on a trolley in the hospital where I had a C-T scan and a mylogram - and I had to be transferred back to the hospital where I was a patient - and I was waiting in the foyer without my glasses and a lady saw me staring at her I guess - she looked like my mother and as she came out of the mist I could see she did indeed look like my mother - but she did not act at all like my mother - she was a lovely mother who took over for a few minutes and stood beside my trolley and said the the comforting things a mother would say. She was wonderful and I cried

She understood - as I understand you I guess - I am probably the right age to be your mother - sometimes a motherly figure will appear out of the mist of your sorrow and tears - and understand.

And your being of an Italian background - yes I do understand that -

I'm glad you are taking in some weekend leave today - let Huffnpuff do all the chores - after all with his OCD you can't really do it to his satisfaction - he is the only one who will do this, turn this off, pick that up, the the other in the right place - I do understand that and with asthma - dust really brings it on and I haven't vacuumed for decades - I have had my blood tested - I have a housewife's dream allergy - I have a sky high allergy to dust mites - you might too with asthma - no vacuuming

You are physically ill as well - so you need the rest from the hospital and your need a rest from the household chores and it sounds as if the settling in period at the hospital has happened - rough start - and then the hard work of finding out about your decision making and finding stuff hurting you so much etc comes from - like your mother telling you you were good enough - that Mother DVD in your head is sooo hard to get rid off

I undertsand - the Forum Family is the soft place to land - as seperate members we fill in for the real thing - and we care - and You will get by with a little help from your friends

Lots of hugs Blue

Dec

Glad you are getting approriate medical support @BlueBay

At the moment I am watching a great documentary on Italian Geology on youtube .. as entertainment.

I had a few Italian childhood friends .. and luckily reconnected with one yesterday online .. we will catch up in New Year.

I like understanding the links between Italian geology and the formation of marble etc in the mountains... and italian aesthetics and cleanliness habits .. and all those acres of marble gleaming floors ..

Ha Ha .. I am such a nerd ... take care @BlueBay

Aw @BlueBay

That is not good - to come home on weekend leave and find the kitchen and en suite in a mess - that would make me furious -

You're not bad to clean it up - but you are physically unwell as well has battling with your MI and this seems just really bad-husband behaviour - after all - what happened to all this huffing and puffing and being the only one who could do it right

I am sorry you had all that happen and glad you went back to the hospital and I am glad their is a physician at the hospital to have a look at you

Oh dear - Huff n Puff is determined to make things hard for you

Dec