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I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor21 June 2023, 5:21 pm AEST

I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

I had a rough call from uni today, I essentially felt blamed for not getting my driver licence already since I’ve been in this course for a while (it makes finding placements harder). I just put it as my circumstances made it hard without elaboration, then she said “right”. I felt judged. Am I a failure for suffering from migraines (migraines can cause mild vision disturbances along with poor concentration, it means I am more likely to speed) and MH? I didn’t explain because it’s my personal life. The placement I turned down in May wouldn’t have been good for my MH either, even if it wasn’t for the distance, vicarious trauma and personal trauma still stings. Now I am looking at getting into a placement that will hopefully be less psychologically demanding. Though no confirmation received yet, I haven’t had the interview

79 replies

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In response to: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

hanamiSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 3:58 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Thank you @creative_writer

and hugs to you x

In response to: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @hanami

I agree. "So fragile are are lives"

It shows how fragile our lives or those around us are.

The old saying never go to sleep upset with anyone is hard but true.

I am glad they are Okay.

Just as important, I hope you are okay.

Assisting others is demanding. Not everyone can do it. I admire your attitude for taking on "another" role.

I can only imagine your To Do List!

And because we are on @creative_writer post. I do not know you. But I would trust you if I was in the accident!

Glad the others are Trusting you.

In response to: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 4:41 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member, I honestly feel conversations like those never end well with my mum. Last year she thought my psych overreacted when I said I was suicidal, and then said my psych was only doing it because she was ethically required to break confidentiality and was trying to save herself from getting into trouble, and that it was never about my actual safety concerns. I got a call from the CAT team and almost had the police sent over. My mum was so focused on police coming over the whole time, even though the CAT team eventually decided that I wasn’t at imminent risk. She spoke about how it would’ve looked bad if they came over, and how the psych should’ve been more sensitive to cultural stigma. It makes me question whether people actually care, or only care because it’s their job

@hanami, it is true life is fragile💖🫂

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 5:16 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @creative_writer

I sometimes wear a hat that says "Don't Sign Anything"

So I agree with your mother in part.

Not everyone can be trusted.

But we have to still learn from experiences.

There was a bad Bus Accident in Victoria the other week. It does not mean all Bus Drivers cannot be trusted.

But in case you are taking my message literally, I am not saying trust everyone.

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 5:27 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member, I didn’t interpret you saying that you can trust everyone. But is she right, does my psych only care about her reputation and holding ethical standards? Or does she really care whether I am safe? I get why my psych broke confidentiality, but my parents did not think I was at risk of significant harm. Maybe I wasn’t? I had just convinced myself I wanted to end it all. Does anyone truly care or do they pretend to care? Does my mum think I’m too naive and that I can’t trust my intuition? The remedy of naivety is to trust no one. I won’t fall for anything if I stay alone. I bet if my mum knew about the forums, she wouldn’t want me on it, because she doesn’t trust. Sometimes I wonder if I am trusting the wrong people by being here

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 5:27 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

I’m safe right now though

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 5:49 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @creative_writer

I will accept what you think for you.

I hear your mum may not be keen about the forum.

I will rest on this post and see what others say.

Your psych does have to worry about ethical standards.

I am sorry you are getting so many messages.

Very confusing for anyone.

I admire your effort on this forum.

I wish you well.

I respect your conclusions that suit you and your family and your circumstances.

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

JynxModerator26 June 2023, 5:49 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@creative_writer I think it's hard to answer any of those questions definitively, because it always depends on individual people, and on the circumstances. Does your psych truly care? I don't know - but most people who get into mental health work do so because they do care, and they want to help. And if they're helping you, does it really matter if they're only pretending?

Trust is another tricky one. Trusting people kind of takes a bit of faith - and if someone violates that trust, it makes it harder to trust them, and sometimes others, again. Your mum may have been hurt one too many times and has had to build walls around herself. But you don't have to do the same. If your experiences on the forums so far have been overall positive, then perhaps you can trust they will continue to provide that sense of safety and community for you?

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 5:53 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @Jynx

Glad to see your reply.

I agree with it.

I hope it resonates with @creative_writer

Truly care and trust. Well said!

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member, it would be nice to consider that maybe psych also cared about my safety too, not only ethical standards. I guess it’s just hard to know for sure. I guess deep inside I feel bitter, I feel guilty discussing things I feel like my parents wouldn’t approve, don’t usually tell them anyways. I know they care and that’s why they ask about what I discussed during therapy session, but it gets too much, not be able to be independent. It’s like I’m a child who isn’t capable of making decisions.

@Jynx, I reckon there is inter generational trauma in my family, might explain the enmeshment. Mental illnesses were not traditionally recognised and people had to deal with their shit alone. Ignoring mental illness can make it grow, affect physical health and quality of life, and cause people to adopt unhealthy habits like heavy smoking. My parents wanted to protect me from mental health stigma that’s why I wasn’t allowed to get mental health support till I was an adult. It also makes me angry that I know stigma affected my uncles ability to seek mental health support, which has significant effects on his life and he wasn’t very old when he passed. Like what am I suppose to do if I’m suppose to be careful about opening up to mental health professionals? Become a heavy smoker like those in my extended family? I’m sorry this is a really angry rant, but it’s just so limiting to be on guard all the time even with mental health professionals that I get on okay with

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