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I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor21 June 2023, 5:21 pm AEST

I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

I had a rough call from uni today, I essentially felt blamed for not getting my driver licence already since I’ve been in this course for a while (it makes finding placements harder). I just put it as my circumstances made it hard without elaboration, then she said “right”. I felt judged. Am I a failure for suffering from migraines (migraines can cause mild vision disturbances along with poor concentration, it means I am more likely to speed) and MH? I didn’t explain because it’s my personal life. The placement I turned down in May wouldn’t have been good for my MH either, even if it wasn’t for the distance, vicarious trauma and personal trauma still stings. Now I am looking at getting into a placement that will hopefully be less psychologically demanding. Though no confirmation received yet, I haven’t had the interview

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In response to: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 June 2023, 4:56 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

My mum says most people are jealous and has discussed how people out for their own selves number of times, no point in socialising or forming relationships. I will not be taken advantage of. I am safe in bed alone

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 June 2023, 5:52 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

I think I’ve given up trying to get my emotional needs met for a long time, it just isn’t realistic. If I couldn’t get them met when I was young, what will change now?

In response to: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember25 June 2023, 10:21 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @creative_writer

I have to be careful because l feel l may be preaching to you more than just listening.

Happy if you tell me it is too much.

Re: Perfection. TV show Shark Tank about businesses. The other day they said for a business to succeed, aim for 80% perfection. 100% is unachievable. 80% will be fine.

Another person spent 10 years making their idea perfect. Sought fundjng to perfect it. No money can reach that goal.

Perfection is unrealistic.

We usually do the best we can.

We can improve.

If you play sport and you or your team win, are they perfect? See how many weeks they can do that. Also the losing team will study the winning teams imperfections to see how they can win next time.

I used to think l was a perfectionist. In my eyes some things l did were perfect. Others could see in their eyes my faults.

So maybe try and do your best. Next time do better. But we have to move on to other projects to

When you go for car licence a pass is fine. Not 100%. Driving will give you experience in real time. Just get a licence pass.

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 11:03 am AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member, I feel a lot of things have been blown out of proportion because I've been so unwell, and it affects my mental health, probably directly and indirectly. I feel like my head is on fire, it hurts that much. I must now force myself to study because I can't take too much time off now. I feel like I have no control over my physical and mental health, I feel like I must control something.

Should I call a helpline? Probably, but I hate relying on people because my emotions are generally too much for people to manage and most people don't give a shit about me anyways

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 12:15 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @creative_writer

I think a wise person would use whatever resources are offered to help them.

I find helplines great most of the time.

I note you chatting on a few forums.

Many use helplines, doctors, prescribed medications, sane, phsycologists etc

We are here sharing lived experiences.

We all rely on other people. Dentist. Doctor. Hairdresser. Phone company. Plumber. Teacher. Psychologists. Cooks. Power supply. Bus drivers.

So l get stuck when you say you do not want to rely on people.

Use the talents offered to you by others in their professions to assist your progress. We all need others help at some stage

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

hanamiSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 2:10 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hey @creative_writer

Do you have something in your life you CAN control that you can focus on right now. I've felt like that a bit lately. My daughter's surgery, wishing she wasn't born with a condition that led to this...then my oldest daughter and her boyfriend were hit by a car on the weekend on their bikes. They are ok, fractures and cuts and bruises but nothing serious. I did get so angry thought that I can't protect and 'control' what happens to my babies. I needed to spend yesterday afternoon writing a list of what I can control. Just little things but it can make me feel better.

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 3:18 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @hanami

Very sorry to hear about the weekend incident

Sounds like your plate was full and now this.

Thoughts are with you

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

creative_writerSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 3:24 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member, I don’t know. I guess it‘s hard to rely on people since I’ve been let down so many times and my mum often talks about not trusting people because they are only interested in self-interest.

@hanami, I am sure there are things that I can control. I hope your oldest daughter feels better soon, car accidents are awful and also sending love to your other daughter who needs surgery 💖

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Unknown userMember26 June 2023, 3:37 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

Hi @creative_writer

I really think you need to try and move your mindset

@hanami made a few ideas

What I am trying to say is in relation to

since I’ve been let down so many times and my mum often talks about not trusting people because they are only interested in self-interest.

I have not seen one person on this forum with Self Interest. The complete opposite. We all try and support people with our experiences.

Some you will agree with. Others you will not. What works for one, does not mean it works for others.

So many scammers around. I have been scammed. Tradesmen have let me down. But I get on with it and get someone else.

To suggest everyone cannot be trusted and everyone is only worried about themselves is wrong. We all need to eat and live. Different professions charge different amounts. If a phycologist cuts you out after the paid one hour, that does not mean self - interest. I agree it feels like that. But they have to update reports and get ready for the next client.

Your mum has to trust the butcher, hairdresser, mechanic etc.

I repeat. This forum to me is Full of Trusting people and I have not seen one person showing any self interest. The complete opposite.

Please think about it.

I have said before. Focus on one task. I want you to think about Placements.

Turn off from bad people etc. If the bus is late, you will still get there and I suggest as many do, go earlier in case. I do not want you to not trust the bus driver. In my state, buses are replacing trains. We need patience. Things do not always go as planned

In response to: Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

hanamiSenior Contributor26 June 2023, 3:55 pm AEST

Re: I don’t like feeling obliged to explain

@Former-Member thankyou so much. Very grateful they are okay after the accident. It really makes you realise if they had have landed a different way on the ground or the car was going just a little faster, it could have been devastating. So fragile are are lives.

❤️

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