Power relationship

@Heart, no you did not offend me! I was talking of my past re. Listening to my own intuition. I allowed 'his' voice to second guess my own thoughts.
I read back on this thread to your earlier posts.
One thing that does concern me, is you said my partner tells me how I should be feeling. And his concealment of fact he did not want more children due to you.
I'm sorry but clear as day this stands out to me.
It's manipulation & control.
He is passing the buck, by his 'forgetting' what he said, do as to minimize you.
It's how manipulation and control breeds...in constant cycle.
It gets tiring to keep up with this, so in turn we forget.
You mentioned a son also, you would be busy as you mentioned caring for him also.
The subtle naunce does not go unnoticed by our children.
What they see, creates their baseline, how things are.
I'm really sorry this is happening, and that's why I encourage you to get the right help, even a psychologist more so than a mhn.
Someone with experience in abusive relationships.
You need to go alone, not with your husband.
I found when I did a few counselling sessions with me ex, it only made him more clever at 'learning the language'...very frightening.
Needless to say, I ditched those sessions as it felt so fundamentally wrong.
I think alarm bells ring too, the fact you have to go everywhere, even work with him.
That's not trust.
A healthy dynamic wouldn't require such measures.
It's so confusing, I totally understand this, because I was once in it.
Keep talking here. take your time, things will come to you. ❤😊
Start looking out for you...

@Heart. He is extremely clever, very manipulative in a non-controlling way. Were you able to google the narcissist traits I mentioned. The barely raising his voice could indicate, to him, you're not worth raising his voice. That is extremely patronizing. The mental abuse here is phenomenal. My ex often suggested in a 'kindly, reassuring' manner that it might be a great idea for me to ask his sister for guidance on depression. Holy Hell, the woman had no idea what depression felt like, never suffered, but suddenly SHE was an expert. His mother has dementia, older sister is suddenly an expert in that field. Because she helped her MIL. I had an email recently (we're separated), the email suggested kindly, that since his mother is confined and father is joining her, perhaps I could re-think my decision and return. My ex obviously can't think beyond the 'square'. I left because I couldn't take the mental abuse and attitude of constantly being 'in the wrong'. Apparently my leaving was because I became excited a lot and the anger was unjustified. My ex has simply never learned how I felt, constantly being put down and told I was wrong. Ex seldom raised his voice, seldom swore, he was simply above that 'nonsense'. Forgive the capitals, I'm not screaming, just trying to drive home a point. Don't know how to 'bold' the words so capitals are the next alternative.

@utopia. Had an email from Geoff regarding me in uniform. He remarked he thought I looked beautiful. He said how much I have grown and become stronger. This is purely through his guidance and support. I have told him often if it weren't for his support, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have suggested often that perhaps I could visit him sometime. He is in Melbourne, I am Qld. Maybe spend a week in a motel. I deliberately said motel rather than pressurizing staying with him. To date, no response. A friend has suggested, I ease off correspondence for a while to see if he 'chases' to see what's happened. I get that he does not want a commitment, neither do I, but I would love to reunite with him. I have suggested this, as I said, no reply. I'll keep you posted. I have no doubt of his feelings, but sometimes men need to 'chase'. They are by nature 'hunters'. It's also highly possible that while he loves me, he is not 'in love' with me. In which case seeing me could put unwanted pressure there. I know he said it was a bf/gf, long distance relationship. I did reiterate it would only be a week, no longer, as my job is important. I would never pressurize him to commit where I couldn't give the same commitment. I seem to have a habit of falling for these type of guys. My ex was similar in that he just wanted a sexual relationship. I actually pushed for marriage, silly me. Easy to be wise after. Geoff has indicated he is not after a sexual relationship, neither am I now. I'm thankful for that. The mention of the motel would've made that clear. Sometimes I wish I had never met him, I can't seem to walk away.

@pip. I think you are over thinking and reading into things too much.
He loves you. He wants you as his gf. You are a couple.
Melbourne cup long weekend is a busy time for Victorians. More so in Melbourne where I used to live. Party after party. Almost every day. So chances are he will probably be spending a bit of time with his kids and grandkids.
Does he still help out online counseling.? If so, again it will probably be a very busy long weekend.
Try not to worry about what your friend says. Your relationship is unique to the two of you. No one else. But I don't think your fella is into playing games when it comes to relationships. He doesn't sound to me like he's into 'chasing'. He sounds more like a man who just wants complete honesty without any of the bull **** type of relationship.

@utopia. Geoff is actually what's called a 'Champion' on the forums he's involved with. He is extremely busy with the forums, I do realize that. I just wish we could reunite. I do miss him and would love to see him again. As I said, though if he just loves me but not 'in love' with me, then chances are I may never see him again. He is not a 'party animal', he does have kids/g'children etc. Maybe you're right and I am over thinking/analysing. He never refers to me as, darling/honey/sweetheart etc. It's possible he isn't that type of guy -yes, I'm aware of that possibility. I have referred to him as 'love', he never says anything to that reference. Maybe I'm just having an attack of 'the doubts'. I think you're right about he's not into chasing. I was completely taken aback when he said I looked 'beautiful' in my uniform. I didn't expect that, I expected him to say something like 'nice photo' or thanks for sending the photo, but when he said I looked beautiful I was completely stunned. I had sent another photo a long time ago and he did remark then that that was how he remembered me. He always compliments me on how amazing he thinks I am. There are so many ways I think he is in love with me, but I sort of suspect, because of earlier hurts, he is extremely cautious. As I mentioned, he did tell his twin about me, that sort of confirmed his love was evident. I recently received quite a substantial amount of money for jury service. I mentioned I would like to get him a little something as a token of my love. He declined, saying while he appreciated my offer, he was just pleased I had been able to achieve this service. He said he was extremely proud of my achievement. He keeps saying my 'now' personality is his 'thanks'. He indicated that no matter whether I lived next door or where I lived, our relationship still existed and always would. Would that be his way of saying -yes, he is in love with me? I've never met anyone like him.

@pip. You are asking the wrong person. I can't answer that. And do you really want or need to ask him that question? I think he already has by how he speaks to you and what he does say.
He is never going to be like other men. He is unique. That's why you love him.
And it's okay to be restless to see him again. It will happen. It just needs to be on his time. Due to his MI.

@utopia. You're right, sorry to 'dump'. I'm being silly. When the time is right, it will happen. I guess with his epilepsy, plus other medical complications, he has to sort out when he is ready. As you say, I'm restless wanting to re-connect. I'm not going to question whether he is in love or just loves me. I will just accept he loves me. I guess if he didn't, he wouldn't have said anything, rather than lie.

Funny how it's easier to help someone else rather than yourself. A wise person once said: if we could divorce our emotions, we wouldn't hurt or suffer. How true.