Trying makes it worse

Back again @EternalFlower my hm is being a pita today. His sleep cycles are out of whack, & he is acting overtired & manic. He is needing lots of my attention today & I can feel myself getting frustrated. Eg. now he wants to buy alcohol!! It's the last thing he needs. Yet, he is a grown man (sort of) & won't listen to me. I can hear the tv on. Maybe he has changed his mind & decided to watch tv now. It's all fine, sightly stressful.

I wanted to let you know that I can relate to the feelings of isolation regarding recent comments about your family. That's a really tough thing to hear.

Actually, reading how you describe your family - I think we have the exact same family! I am like you little sister. It might be 20 years since I have seen my parents. And they would have the exact same response - she will call if she needs us.

Devoid of all responsibility.

I'm not a parent- I can't pretend that there is a right & wrong way of doing things. The world can be a pretty f*ed up place.

I was watching one of my reality tv shows few weeks ago - welcome to Plathville - (it's different & good 😊) One of 'outcasted family members' said this,

" It's not that they are necessarily bad people. They just can't love me, in the way that I need to be loved "

I felt like that was a really empowering statement & I needed to hear it .

Reality tv is good👍

It's a really hard process, when you start to entertain the idea that your parents are not the people you hoped they were. It can feel isolating on so many levels.

It's never simple with family. My parents gave me things that I feel profoundly grateful for. We had lots of laughs... They were... Are.. My family.

In another reality, they have failed me, in big ways. As an adult I'm disappointed in their efforts & yes, shocked.

Accepting our parents as 'never being able to get it ' is heartbreaking. It's not a singular statement. It involves changing entire thought patterns on how we see the world...& See ourselves.

I have had days, weeks in the past, where all this new information I was coping with, was simply too much to process at one time. I would/do become quite depressed. I think that's ok. The body, brain.. Soul.. Can only handle so much. If you need to stay in bed & process, or eat junk food, or impulse shop... Or whatever..I think that's completely fine. It's your life. Take things at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Only each of us can understand exactly what it is were are going through - & what we need to do to feel ok & calm.

It's interesting you mention about being triggered when ppl leave, or you do. I hadn't put lots of thought into this before, but I think it could help explain my own travel phobias.

I know you might be feeling a little unsure of yourself, with your friend on holiday. She will be back in 2 weeks ❤️ I loved @TAB suggestion that you try being your own friend. I know, it's overly simplistic & if that were possible, then all therapists & psych & friends? wouldn't exist. (hmmmm, that's existentially deep🤔) I often forget the 'simple answers'. I honestly don't know if I would be capable, it would be very frightening for me. xx

Hello @Appleblossom @TAB @tyme @Former-Member

Sounds tough re other person where you are @maddison Hopefully you can find a solution.
I think my current 'solution' is a Nap lol . Thanks for sharing. I'm not always up for deep and meaningfuls . Yes am in shallow end of pool haha

Hey @maddison Did a poetry thesis on Plath in another universe lol .. prob not quite the same thing.

@EternalFlower

Hope you are alright.

The silver lining phrase .. along with making lemonade ... is going to be a challenge for a new joke ... so I am ready next time it gets dished up at me.

I also used to get the

"he/she will call if she needs us"

spoken by randoms ... and I always thought it showed an issue in the whole family dynamic, not just the person being complained about.

Thanks @TAB 💙🩴 Your understanding is lovely for me. Yep, it can be tough. I find the tough times are generally transient. Schizophrenia can mean that there is little insight. Unlike, perhaps you & me.. He is unaware that all he needed was a good rest. Anyway, things calmed down. When Harry met Sally was on tv last night. A favourite of ours & good vibes.

Nap solution is 👍👍

sounds tough @maddison had depression before, prob am depressed more than I realise, and I can be pretty insensitive at the best of times,hard to think of others when live alone .. ok with monkey on back so not a lone ha ha lol

Yes, depression is a sneaky one @TAB I know what you are saying about living alone - independence is a great thing, but it can give you a harder edge.

..well hard edge in some ways but also bluntens sensitivities as said, well lose social skills without realising it @maddison

If it makes any difference @TAB that's not my interpretation of you anyways. I get the impression you are you. And that's good thing. My social skills aren't great either. I'm always worried about unintentionally insulting peeps. Forums can be difficult cause we don't actually know each other. Same with text messages - sarcasm, wit hard to express.

Hi @maddison @TAB @Appleblossom @Former-Member @tyme

I have missed reading and writing here due to my stupid internet which is being I honestly hope, fixed tomorrow!!!

I think Ur writing is always heart felt and truthful @maddison .

Ur sharing as u hear what u feel and resonate with, it is always OK and appreciated and amazing.

Thank u for being here for me.

I'm in a public place with WiFi as mine has stopped working.

It has been a bit odd

@TAB been w arching channel 32 and it's so good! Was wandering what u have been watching there if anything

@Appleblossom internet ppl coming tomorrow so my junky mess has been somewhat shoved into another corner, it gave me a push. How was the forrest? Have u seen Ur new friend? I'm sending big love to all x

I think I meant social skills can wane without realising it as havent used them. Without realising it. @maddison