Trying makes it worse

Sleep is always good @TAB Hope u got some well deserved rest.

Had a meeting today with a peer worker who was quite sweet and inspiring, that was helpful.

We talked about trauma and how we talk about it to others.

Hope everyone is ok @maddison @Appleblossom

Thats a good discussion topic @EternalFlower

I am alright. Not great. Thanks for asking.

Back from meat and supermarket shop.

Did music this morning.

Rain here.

Hi @Appleblossom sorry not great. How was Ur day?

Hi there

Have struggled with si recently and got into issue with the treating team, I didn't know how to tell them, then when I did, it came as a shock and now I'm having a lot of calls and attention.

I find it embarrassing 😳 🤦 😕

I feel like I can't find the line between sharing honestly and masking, I'm struggling a lot.

@Appleblossom @TAB @maddison @tyme @Freedom11 @Shaz51

Its really tricky @EternalFlower and you are the expert in your own experience.

I had a "reflection" on SI yesterday, when I was in a place I had considered it a lot. I rarely discuss it with my "team". I have only raised it about 4-5 times over 30 years but it has been pretty extreme and frequent for me. My best approach is focus on the therapy ... feeling better about yourself and your path in life. Lack of attention has been a big issue in my life, some attention is helpful other attention is not.

It was interesting yesterday, I was not triggered, but reflective ... this is where I felt .... I can be here and not feel that this time .... kinda thing.

Keep taking care ... work through your trauma ... stay task focussed in your therapy.

Hey @EternalFlower, how are you doing today?

It's not fair that it's made you feel embarrassed. I also have not disclosed to medical professionals very much because I'm not really sure how they will respond. But I know you're not alone in these thoughts ❤️

When I have shared with my counsellor, I often have followed some of the tips in this post How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide. Not sure if there's anything in there which could be useful?

Also, sometimes I really do what to talk about it without feeling judgement. Some folks on the forums like the "Alternatives2Suicide" (Alt2Su) groups. Not sure if that could be useful to you too? They are peer run groups which run all over the country and some online too. I'm not sure where you're located but you could have a look?

Hi @EternalFlower

How are you going today?

I woke up this morning having a dream about you! I know it couldn't have been you - it was my only my mind making up stories. (I have occasional dreams about people here on SANE!)

You were in trouble. I came to visit you. You lived in America.

Oh...& you were stunningly beautiful!!

Sorry to read that you are struggling at the moment & having thoughts of suicide. This is one subject I have no skill in how to reply, & I have not been through a process as you described. I do think it is fantastic that you were able to share with treating team. Talking is good.

I am honestly not even sure what SI exactly is. I think I have had these thoughts as a way to feel relief in my mind. It has only happened a few times over the course of my life. I think, if it is something that was more frequent, or apparent, then I would definitely see it as a possible warning & seek help. Sorry, I don't fully understand this subject. I am scared to write something that is wrong!

I'm proud that you can write about it here & discuss it with your team💜🌺.

It is very sunny here today! Omg, the new neighbour (who still hasn't moved in yet) has been having renovations done on her home. I'm listening to constant power tools as I write this. It's doing my head in !!!- has been going on for week +

Complaining done!

I have been working on a drawing the last few days. I'm going to enter an art comp. for the first time ever! It's almost all clouds☁️ I ended up with 2 finished versions. One has MANY stars & the other is more plain, but kind of open to interpretation. I can't decide!!

Sending you ⭐☁️🌛 xx