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Trying makes it worse

Trying makes it worse

Hi,

I'm EternalFlower and I've been feeling completely overwhelmed, sad, and pessimistic.

I've tried and been a responsible patient and person, reaching out to various services when I started feeling scarily anxious and suicidal, 2 years back..

My Dr is new, a young guy who regularly admits he's inexperienced, and aside from some good jokes, he actually does very little

I notice how easy it is to blame myself that I don't feel better, a total shame spiral, but I wander if my treatments just are bad....

I wanted to chat and hear anyone and hope I can use this space to help not feel so alone.

Thanks xxx EternalFlower

2606 replies

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In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Got through day 1 of week 2 @EternalFlower ok 2 day week last week. Im surprised at my negativity talking to others plus stressing on drive to work. It will get better. Knee holding up so far lol Sorry not been following other goings on so can't comment. Listen to Apple @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

I think its amazing you are back in workforce @TAB Its not easy getting jobs our age.

Oh @EternalFlower there are lots of things I can relate to, and probably lots I cannot.

Different generations is only the beginning of our differences. I shared about my family to try to put the hoarding, in some perspective, and I really do believe that sharing with decency and respect can be greatly healing. You are coming from the child within the family which is different to our situation. Also you have put space between yourself and family. I have seen some crap parenting in my day, so I never judge, from only my perspective as a parent, or even what I experienced as a child.

I really believe some of the healing power of sharing and group communities is that different people can relate or resonate with different aspects of a person's story. It is great seeing you mix with TAB and @tyme and reading @maddison 's post was very heart wrenching, because I was reading the forum at the time she posted about the incident and the treatment she got by the "workers". I was glad to see you reaching out more in a supportive role, and then to read about the effect your support had, was HUGE for me. It was a really tough situation.

Group and community is more like real life than clinical settings of strict one to one interactions, and I tend to like that. Am happy to back off, as you find more people with your age and interests.

Ready to put my feet up and finish The Dry episodes.

Here is a book I read a while ago, set in Australia. I liked the movie too.

I think I may be "in recovery" as things are rolling along alright for me.

Cheers and tag me if you need me.

 

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Job is only temporary plus need the money. Im really not up to it , it's physically a struggle as not worked in 7mths plus not fit. Just trying to manage things as best I can. See how far into 4weeks plus 12 days I can go. Day 4 tomorrow., weekend break in 4 days time @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @TAB just want to say I relate.

It is so hard and traumatic to go back to work. No reassuring words here, sadly, but standing with u through it. Transitions suck.

Work is very demanding and can be a shock to the system in many ways.

Hope ur doing OK.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Its alright @EternalFlower posted a few things in Tabalugas and morning thread Just trying to play it by ear

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hey @Appleblossom @EternalFlower @TAB @tyme

A quick hello & check in. Hope you are all doing well. @TAB I'm sending you thoughts of vitality to get through this work period!! I agree, what you are doing is tough. I'm proud. 💜

I can't write too much. Migraine looming. Ice pack is helping.

@Appleblossom you said so many beautiful things, as I was reading over posts. I can't list them all... And you know I don't know how to quote haha. It's really lovely to read your perspective. I think the thing that stood out to me most, was when you mentioned self care & reawakening your ability to laugh. Life can be so unexpectedly complex. It makes me feel calm to know you are truly finding you again! Not being so immersed in the gloom & being able to laugh at tv shows & focusing on own needs is great message for all of us!

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thank you for my ⭐🌛 @EternalFlower !

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thanks @maddison

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hey @TAB weird, I was literally thinking of you (well the you I know thru my phone screen)

I noticed you mentioned feeling negative. Good insight btw. I have had jobs where all I felt like doing is bawling my eyes out when I got home...& then again the next morning, before going.

Sounds like maybe this job isn't suitable to you. Like you said, you need the money & it's only 5 weeks. Work def takes it toll physically & emotionally. Don't undersell yourself. It's more work than I have done in the last many years. Although, my role as a carer is harder & more complex than any job I ever did - & no holidays! It's way more fulfilling tho.

Do what you can. That's all anyone can ever ask of us. Wanted to share that your not alone, if feeling crappy about stuff. - I get stressed after driving for 15 mins. xx

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thanks @maddison My legs are really sore. I know where this ends. Happened twice before in February. My knee will give out and take ages getting better. I think will have day off today and contact the recruiter who sent me there. I'll try and explain situation without giving too much away. Thanks for your insights. Re driving have had people do really silly things every morning so far. Which then upsets me. Anyway Ive not driven in city in years in peak hour esp regional roads in dark and rain and feeling me way with some bits, like feeling half lost til see turn off looking for eg
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