Trying makes it worse

Oh man . . thats just the post I wanted to wake up too. You seeing your inner strength.

2 years since I met you. Theres a pile of dead marines in your wake and your still swinging.

OK .. few bystanders too but hey, who's counting.

Mate. I have slept on those cold wet streets. People so unwell. fighting visions n ghosts. I would have to hold them as tight as I could, even lay on top of them till they could scream and fight no more.

My point being, even a dumb street shmuck like me wouldn't leave another unwell person alone on the tiles at the mercy of a godless night.

Just gotta find that one right person that won't let you go . . . even when you are a bit out of order.

MH aint appendicitis hey @EternalFlower .

But like I said before. You got some hard bark on you, Its kept you alive. You know you can keep surviving.

Now. Just gotta find a way of Living life instead of doing combat with it. That'll come.

Takes time... but time is on your side mate.

Excuse spelling and words. big day, hospital, you know the drum.

Stay frosty flowers. . big hug from tones..

hey all

The depression is hitting a lot and feeling sad

Canr quite calm down

Went to hospital for help and came out in deep illness

Trying

@Owlunar2 @tonys @RiverSeal @Sophia1 @tyme @Appleblossom

Knock knock. got room on your couch for old tonys. Mate what's going on, Do you have something planed for dinner, and a show on the Telly.. Go on. . . whats in the fridge ? you are a top cook. I still make some fish thing you taught me ages ago. Still got that M and M habit going @EternalFlower . Mate . you even got me hooked on those things. Well I got a cuddle for you and all the other folks will check on you soon.

Got a big big favour to ask.. I need some more of those inspirational words from your golden journal

When you feeling a little better. . . and you will feel better, I promise. Just gotta ride it out mate.

You made it through all those other misty days. You make it through this one.

You have more courage than me flowers. You got this my friend. . . tonys.

Hey @tonys thanks for watching by the door and I love reading your letters

I am mixing between good and bad news

Got a new home and a new neighbourhood which is leafy and lush

Got a show on the TV. Do u have TV in Ur ward? Something to distract?

I find it hard to concentrate but have been watching an sbs show called alone about exploring in the snow...

I have a nice friend checking on me which is holding me together and my dear gp

Have to be careful what i watch as everything feels triggering

Learning to trust and give space

I walk a little every day but am still so low I just wear pjs or slippers. The neighbours don't mind and it's a quiet area. I tell myself the most important things are everything so as long as I get out the door. I couldn't watch a movie or go anywhere far but I try.

I went to the beach and to some gardens and keep moving. I feel weird about all that happened, like it was my fault. I wake with panic and relive it.

It is scary and a little rough

Leafy and lush. Gee that sounds alright to me. Got a spare key mate . . . You are doing a great job of

sounding a little bit better.

Even when I'm not, well I just talk myself into feeling better. Mate Alone is tops. Good choice.

If I found the woman who Won the Australian serries they did in Tasmania, I'd put a ring on her finger .

I watch it to see how people find their inner self to stare the demon down.

The demons throw dust in our faces to obscure the truth of life.

The truth is . . . There are no demons. Just our imaginary fears.

New place . Fresh start. Make the most of every waking moment.

Shout those doubts down soon as they appear and give it all you got @EternalFlower

ALL YOU GOT tonys

Wow @EternalFlower I thought the same as @tonys re Leafy and Lush. I had to do all the work re planting and waiting for years for lovely blighters to grow before we got that. Even so its more drought tolerant than lush.

I am so glad you wrote "I have a nice friend checking on me which is holding me together and my dear gp ". So that is 3 good things to hang on to. Make that a mantra or a saying to yourself.

Have I sent you the etching of Melancholia by Durer. Look it up. There are original etching by him in the Vic Art Gallery. There is a skull, on a table. It was seen as a fashion then for young upper class men. Mind you in that day and age life was a lot harder and so death confronted people more often.

You do have a lot of support, also with the NDIS and being on the list for Spectrum. You need to dig deep for your own inner strength. We all do. Little creative actions are the way to go. You know the truth about the hospital's limitations now.

Maybe do some drawing, journalling and music.

Yes I agree just watching stuff on the tube or screen can be triggering. We all need to learn to be selective. I am very careful about what I watch and what I listen to as I have a HEAVY LOAD of trauma, physical and emotional. Dont waste your time on rubbish. We are so lucky to have so much to choose from. Be a sleuth, do research, use your brain in productive ways. Most of all

Take Care

Apple

Hey @Appleblossom @tonys I found a really good psychotherapist with a psychoanalytic background and seeing her now

She and I worked together but then I left her to work with this psychiatrist who dumped me. I thought it was good to have a psychiatrist because he could offer hospital and meds as well, and he became my sole support.

As a silver lining I can now maybe have healthier supports

My psych was maybe too attached to me as well as me to him

When I showed him my sh scars he wanted me to know they would heal and then rolled up his sleeves and showed me his own scars and how they'd healed.

I thought it was sweet and caring but also not professional. But because my attachment is so broken I was happy to have someone who treated me more like a friend

G'day @EternalFlower

You have a bright future ahead, and this tough time will pass. Life is full of ups and downs, but we'll weather this storm together.

Each day is a new opportunity for a fresh start.

*Sending virtual hugs*

From your friend,

Melbcoffeesnob

Hi @EternalFlower

It's only been a few days but I had to read back to see what's been happening for you - yes - I have a issues with a neighbour who abandoned his property - I'll catch up on my thread.

So - you came out of hospital feeling really - ooh - what's a good word? Crappy? I understand - I felt like that in the past when I had reactive depression - at home - same old same old -

But you were dismissed and that has to be really tough - still - you write you have found a better therapist - I am glad to read that - this is a new start - and maybe the psyche has issues that were not in your best interests - so - you have toughed it out and that is tough but good and I am glad to read this and hope this continues.

About your scars - yes - they will heal up - I had an accident - I burned my arm in May - I was in hospital for two weeks - and now - I just have some red marks on hot days - so yes - it will be better. I'm sorry you had to do that - how bad you must have been feeling!

Sending more gently virtual hugs

Owlunar