Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower I bet it was a blur. We had some bad weather not long ago.

Its great you had some good sessions. Not sure what a bad session is. I do not like simplistic good bad descriptions of something as complex as mental health.

I guessed that was the situation. Not sure if it is guilt money. I should not judge cos I do not know. Either way you probably deserve it ... but the clincher is ... someone throwing money at a problem is not the same as walking with someone through difficult stuff. For some throwing money at a problem is easier than doing the WORK. Dont throw away the link and the insurance. Walk YOUR Walk. Clarity will come.

Building a TOOLKIT of SELF CARE... maybe a dozen things to do ... to help you through the grieving and letting go of your old doc ... for all his strengths and flaws ... he was part of a system ... lots of self care ... that is HEALTHY is a worthwhile project.

Things happen so fast in your world don't they @EternalFlower . Is that a sign of a symptom, the system, society, all 3 I suspect. Like a car chase through China town. I 'm always 3 city blocks behind you. Thought you were in a new place, only to find your back in the puzzle factory doing battle with the white coats armed with butterfly nets. Hang on . . . . no . . . wait. . . . your now scrambling down cobbled stoned ally's , rain soaked n ravaged Neath the darkest of nights.

Oh @EternalFlower . What are we to do. Mate, it might not feel like it at the moment, but you are way stronger than you realize. Right or wrong, you seem to give as good as you get. This wont help but I have to tell you. I respect you my friend very much. You got some hard bark on you girl.

Of all the folks out there on Sane, I'm the last one that you should listen to for advice.

But.. where you go, I go.. Try keep the journal dry. Your all heart kid and we love you.

Best wishes and prayers go to you my friend.. tonys mb 1

Hi @tonys @Appleblossom @Jynx

I have nightmares of what happened.

He became so cold and wouldn't listen to my pleas

I tried to ask him to reconsider and speak about it further and he just kept stonewalling

"Why, what's going to change?"

Your house is going to be ready so you need to go

I'm not changing my mind

You were very clear you weren't happy

You said that and can't take it back

You're well enough to make decisions you don't have psychosis or bipolar

I can't help you, both your words and my decision, it's final

You've got your gp

You need a program like Spectrum who specialise in personality disorders

Hi @EternalFlower

I'm sorry all of this has happened - I read your last post first so I had to read back - aw - that really stinks.

Some - not all - services are inferior - I don't imagine for a moment it was your fault this happened but rather - the doctor thought he couldn't manage whatever the issue was - who knows what or why?

That has to have been tough - have you sorted out where to go and when?

It's never easy to make a new start - thinking of you

Owlunar

Hi @Owlunar2 he always told me he wanted to help and his consistent saying was "I think I can help you"

And then after the stay he said he can't.

It is like losing a limb.

Hello @EternalFlower

I have tried to read everything ..

Now is not a good time for me to reply..

I want to reply carefully as you deserve so very much respect and care..

I am relieved that you have much support here though.

I do not have the answers.

I just want to let you know that I can sense your pain and not feeling heard. I am listening in as much as I can on this form of communication.

As Tonys said.. You are very strong...You are in the midst of the dilemma at the moment...When you come out of that situation and your emotions start to settle you will find your strength is always there with you

Sophia

Hugs of support and because I care

@TAB

Reaching out to help someone is a way of letting them know that you care..

It is very hard to find the right words..

We cannot know how the person is feeling in the very moment that our words are read..

Your offer of support is precious in itself and it came from your heart..

It is also not Eternalflower's fault either as she is in the midst of the storm.

You both are very caring people and a value on these forums.

Sophia

Please be kind to yourselves.

Not as easy as people think

Thanks @Sophia1 I dont know what to say to that .

Hi @TAB @Sophia1 @Owlunar2

I did hurt the dr but his actions to me are still incomprehensible. The hopsital let me down and brainwashed me

I felt too much

I kept telling them I needed help and support and no one bothered to follow up

I am hurting a lot. I wish deep down the dr would reconsider and help me and have written a long rambling email to him thanking him and asking for him to reconsider

Cant send it

Can't accept it, keep hearing him saying to me so certainly

"I think I can help you."

Every week

And then one day I challenged that and wasn't sure it was true

And then he left me. It is so confusing

I don't midn any comments or questions @TAB I'm a bit sensitive I realise and thank u for being here and caring and wanting to help