Trying makes it worse

Hi @Appleblossom it is a lot of work cooking...i never cared much or thought it was my thing but i do enjoy now the physicality, switching the mind off for a bit. Def doesnt need to be traditional youre righr. How good are snacks? Id like to learn to make little salads or sides or snacks moreso than anything else.

I spent the last few days stocking up on ingredients, with a few things id like to try. It is tiring. Supermarkets and grocers and speciality things and sale prices and and and i just spend a lot of time trying not to dip over into not eating or cooking. Sometimes i dont eat for days.

I feel a lot of healing when i take care of myself.

Hello @Oaktree @tonys

I am not feeling so good in my home lately, not feeling safe or settled. I considered calling the hospital tonight but i know i cant...i am too scared of the person on the other end.

@EternalFlower

I am sorry to hear that you are scared of the person at the other end of a phone call. If you are not safe at home please try and push through that and just call them.

Sometimes it can take a while to feel settled again at home. Just be gentle with yourself.

I am glad that you are enjoying cooking! I enjoy cooking if I am cooking for others. I do enjoy having little dinner parties but I hate having people come over because my house is always a mess. Those two things don’t co-exist very well.

I am starting on Lite n Easy on Wednesday so I won’t be doing much cooking from now on I guess. I have organised Christmas in July with the kids so I will be cooking for them then. That’s towards the end of July.

Anyway please take care of yourself.

Meggle

@EternalFlower

Feeling safe is complicated for me. Sometimes I was not really safe in my own body, but you are right caring for ourselves on practical levels is healing.

I try and come back to Maslow hierarchy of needs. Food and shelter etc

I had my first full blown panic attacks in supermarkets. When something my son wanted was not there or I had forgotten it. They went on for about 8 years. I really do not like malls or supermarkets, but eventually thickened my skin about them for when it is necessary. It started when I could not remember where I had parked my car. It was also related to the feeling that I was not a person n my own right, only had legitimacy when doing for others, which is why I guess I lost it when I felt I had failed my son. He would have been fine about it, does not make a scene or anything about food, but it was in me.

Hearing you about not feeling safe with person on the end of a phone. I wonder if it is reasonable to feel safe exposing vulnerabilities when we cannot even see the person and do not really know anything about them.

I wonder whether it is worth trying to build on making home feel safer ... some of the good thing about cooking and doing chores, is we go into doing mode .... focus on task or end product. Even in a rental there are ways to make your mark on your personal space that can become a soothing part of who you are. Make it more of a sanctuary. Now I look at my curtains, cushions, pictures and garden, and it helps me feel whole, solid, full, satisfied and more SAFE. Sometimes my sense of safety is still threatened and I withdraw into myself, but overall I have more security now than ever before in my life.

Hello all @Appleblossom @Oaktree @tonys @Jasmiran @LeChuck @Sophia1 @

I called a helpline last night which resulted in 4 cops at my door and ended in an ed visit which was depressing because they just let u out. No plan, no care.

They told me kast night they'd organise an urgent appointment for me with case manager vut this morning said that was not possible and just let me out

Hi @EternalFlower

That needs to be fixed. Do you have a mental health organisation in your area that you can reach out to? I don't know where you live but in NSW we have a few. Independant organisations supporting mental health that are funded by the government.

I have no idea what to say. I don't even think I can put myself in your frame of mind, it sounds horrible and deflating. You reach out just to be let down.

If you need help, don't stop reaching out, it's not a perfect system but the holes in the net that catches you get filled with new services. Don't lose heart, mental health support is improving every day and I don't want you to let this experience stop you from getting help if you need it.

People care.

Oh Dear. Eternal. I'm so sorry my friend and I havnt been here for you. Been away for a few days and left my laptop at home.. You have been struggling with this for so long now. I'm guessing you dont have a co-ordinator with the NDIS and you really need one to help pull some resources together for you. Wish I was there, and I'd bundle you in the ute with us and we would all go beach fishing and forget the whole world for a while. Had a beaut bonfire last night and I sensed as i gazed into the

coals that you were in trouble @EternalFlower . I can see that you tagged some of the wise woman on

Sane and I'm sure they will be planning some stratagy, and hugs and good advice are on the way.

I make my own lures and can fix a tractor, I just wish god would beam me down a way to fix you

and make you happy again.

You were happy once, and have had good days. That means you can be happy again. It is

possible. There just has to be some right combination of people meds and treatment to help you.

The folks I know that have "lived experience' and practical advice are definatley the ones you tagged

I am Between crops and moving some of my junk to my cousins on the coast, but I will look in tomorrow. Please @EternalFlower . For me. . . don't be on your own. Be the noisy wheel.

Keep your phone going and talk to as many people as you can, including the chiefs at Sane

Big BIG hugs from your uncle tonys.. my dearest friend. t mb 1

Thanks @tonys @Jasmiran

It was such a weird night the police...scary. but one sat with me gently and we bantered, so caring. Idk so many feelings....i think they dont see us as humans like we are just objects to be moved about in the system.

Like ed is better so get her out, shes not urgent....but regardless if they get me out i still would struggle if they push me out aggressively and the realisation that i am a person would help.

I was in my pjs and had no wallet or money so how was i meant to get home? Its not technically their issue but it would take one second for them to ask how im getting back. Idk it felt so raw. Im still a human

Hey there @TAB @StuF @Kyle1 Sorry to ask this. Been away with my friend last week so my friend has had my laptop. It has a filter in the software that edits out posts that Sane usually removes

and puts a permanent edit on the sender. My friend had the filter off while I was gone. So may I kindly

ask, if any of you folk got the same strange post I received at 3.42 pm on Saturday. It may have been pulled down. I'm sure you are all smart enough to know that if I don't interact with someone one Sane, It is for very good reasons that are known only to Sane.

I have loved being on your music thread , Opened some beaut doors and know Ive always been polite, and kind. If you saw the post you will understand. Very best wishes to you all tonys.

.. I saw someone reacting to something @tonys I saw nothing. sounds odd.

CU in musicthread

Hey @tonys

I've not seen anything here.

I hope you are well?