Trying makes it worse

Hey @EternalFlower

Sorry you are feeling very low. My mother made out I was evil and even wrote a letter to an aunt saying that, so I guess I felt that deeply and it was why I left home young. Have you put in an application for the NDIS? Public holidays can be hard.

I do not have any set way of dealing with them Yesterday I was invited and did go into town. I went with a small group of people to a peace event and saw a little of the march and crowd and the public transport had lots of uniforms. It was mostly a good day for me. I could reflect, and sing and talk to a few people. It has been about 12 years since went to the march, so not a regular thing with me, though I do pay my respects. My son's MH team did not realise it was a pubilc holiday and sent him a text with appointment. I asked him if he was sure the appointment was still on and said I would drive him, but did not make it back and he had to walk a fair distance. I was really worried he would be angry, cos it was all locked up, but he handled the frustration pretty well. I arrived at about the same time as he did walking, so at least could commiserate, about it and drive him home. I had already organised a good cook up up beef, blackbean cashews and lots yummy stuff. So that was our day. Simple stuff really.

Hi @EternalFlower

Sorry that you had a hard day yesterday.

I didn’t go to the dawn service. Haven’t been to one of those since I served in the army.

My kids came over yesterday to wach 8 episodes of Trixie’s Motel with me.

We also celebrated my son’s birthday which was on Monday.

Sausage rolls and sauce for lunch and beef stroganoff for dinner. A good day was had by all.

Meggle

Hi @Appleblossom i hear ur frustration with the mh system and being put in that position, for your son to not know for sure if his appointment was on. Did he get an apology from them at all...im glad he felt ok and that u got to be together to get back. Did he see the humour in it...not real hunoir i guess but these services my goodness....

In sorry to read about ur mother and that seems common, trying to turn other against us and telling ur aunt things that werent true for her own need to feel vindicated when really it should be her protecting u. Praising etc...

I am tired of the energy it takes to feel not angry and small and scared. I am feeling really vulnerable.

Today i reached out to mh system for extra support. Im really lucky i got it as i dont know what state id be in otherwise. So counting my blessings💐🌻🌼

Today i had to tell "my story" to a new mh practitioner as im considering trialling a new mh treatment. My story sucks lol. So much failure of systems and people to notice, care and do.

@EternalFlower Glad you did get support. Its hard meeting new people and having to open up about difficult things in life, so I do hope this new treatment is effective. It is important to have hope and be open to trying.

I had a session with my pdoc today and opened up about relationships I struggle with. He was decent. I have a big day out tomorrow. I just keep trying to be busy.

Gently Bently

@EternalFlower An old buddy from "back in the day" tracked me down and staying for a bit, so just opened your letter. Mate I pray your OK . He fly's out next week, then you and me can go fishing.

I see you are plugged into the NDIS.. If ever anyone ever needed it its you, and I hope its a

land, sea, no and air campaign by them to get you back on your feet.

Please just take your time with things, and try to get those people connections going as best you

can Think about you heaps my friend.. tonys moonbase 1

Hello @tonys @Appleblossom @Oaktree @TAB @LeChuck @Sophia1

Feeling bit down, physically lots of challenges and in pain. Aches in my body and going to physio next week i hope..trouble some days getting outdoors and getting in the world. And this deep lonely feeling of something not right. fear. Its depressing alone some nights in my home when its so chaotic and hard to manage.

I went to the supermarket and managed to mke some food but go days without eating much.

I ran into a scary man from the hospital today but he just said my name and moved on.

I guess we all have so much going on in our heads u never know what someone else is thinking. I try just say hello even to people i am scared of but i dont do more than that. I dont ask how they are or engage really to open up the discssion.

Sounds like youve gone on a deep journey @Appleblossom it gives you so much awareness and means u can see things others cant and sense people.

@tonys all good here to chat and enjoy whenever u are here and yay for a visitor...good times? Sharing a good banter?

@Sophia1 no pressure just saying hi was thinking of u

@LeChuck ur missed and always welcome and hoping ur program is working out well and i know ur trying to learn and take it all in, u are an inspiration.

Dear @EternalFlower I have been very busy the last couple of days and just logged on.

The social stuff is big for many people. I went to a training in mental health yesterday which was good and maybe there are possibilties in the the future for you .... I talked to people with a huge range of very differenet issues and personalities, then went to sing. It was good to be back doing good music again. I do not really fit in socially, they are all too high status really, but I am there for the music and learning to find a balance about the range of socioeconomic realities. I used to be a bit naive, but needing not to take things too personally. A few remembered me and my name. I tend to occupy myself reading when in breaks and not talk too much.

Today we had a big day/ My son and were cleaning and went for a river walk with a family group of 6 people. They all (including my grandson) came back to our house for a play and brief visit. Its has been a good few days. I am grateful.

I was struck by something you wrote "I am tired of the energy it takes to feel not angry and small and scared. I am feeling really vulnerable." I think it is a key insight. Gently gradually unpacking the difference between the small and scared and how fear is different to anger. Sometimes we need the energy of our anger ... to do things and to protect ourselves. The main mental health problems start to occur ... when we tie ourselves up in knots over our inner narratives and energy and the fear/anger responses. They are not the same, but it takes work ... to find the assertiveness without too much anger ... finding the right level ... of energy to meet any threat.

Hey @LeChuck @tonys @Jasmiran @TAB @Oaktree

Hi @EternalFlower

Thanks for the tag. It’s great that you managed to go shopping and then have the motivation to make something to eat.

Sorry about the scary man, that must have been a bit of a worry but it’s true that you never know what is going on for people. Just smile and keep going.

I hope you are recuperating well at home.

Thinking of you and sending you good energy!

Meggle

Ur so kind @Appleblossom thank u i read back what i wrote and it gave me encouragement too. It is very cathartic to write stuff that i self judge as "gritty" or "too much" and feel ok about it.

Im at home watching a true crime show....my dr has a registrar who follows him around who really understood the watching true crime when ur not feeling good....she used pretty out there language but basically said it can be a safe way to deal. I like true stories.

Thanks @Oaktree i have been enjoying cooking and had baked potato bar tonight

I am really glad you are eating @EternalFlower

It can feel a hassle cooking for oneself, but develop your style so that you get enough variety and it is tasty, nutritious, easy but not too much work. I used to dislike cooking but enjoy it these days. It does not have to the old fashioned meat and 3 veg laid out on a plate every night ...