Trying makes it worse

Hey @EternalFlower, I didn't stay away for long in the end, did I?

Here to say hi, offer support, sending strength your way, although I know you've got plenty of your own.

Hope you are ok.

Good vibes, LeChuck xx

Hey @Sophia1 @tonys @LeChuck @Oaktree @Appleblossom

Ur messages were read and enjoyed here....i am going through it a bit in the hospital but it is ok....

@tonys re bonding with people here its honestly not something i want for myself, trying to keep to a hello.

People tell me a lot of stuff and i crave connection but it all feels exploitative...i take steps back. I socialise and then go to my room. There was a group of women i connected to but talk quickly turned too much. Too gossip.

Messages are never too long, the longer the better....it enters my heart. Thank u for asking about things...im glad u got through easter and u feel that it was good enough and something that u survived....with ur strength or maybe ur experience, of knowing how to care for urself. I know these times can be so triggering @Sophia1 .so many triggers

@LeChuck i fully understand u are going through a lot and trying to see what growth u can find jn ur amazing day program and also reflecting while brining new skills to the fore. You do not need to ever feel guilty as i fully understad x

I feel broken that im still here , the last few days i kept thinking broken, ruined and robbed. How much the people who harmed me took.

They do not know i am here. I do not have visitors. I do not have comfort with people here either.

Comfort has been books and puzzles. When allowed ro leave i may purchase some to do here...some pretty images.

Hope all are well and finding good feelings as rhe weather gets colder and good ways to feel happy and safe. Sitting with u

Listen to your good self nurturing instincts @EternalFlower

If you do not feel they are right to keep in your life, that makes sense. My son was open to making contacts but only one has ever panned out as a decent friend.

I really dont believe people are broken. Its a phrase from a material universe that has been made "normal" by a fashion of speech. You may think it, but I do not believe it.

I am doing alright. I am stiff and have lots of annoying pain, but I have my distractions. I am trying to laugh as much as I possibly can, so laughed with neighbours, mostly at me, and at exercise class. I used to be silent a lot and be on the edges, and just nod, or smile. Now I am speaking up whatever it is. I am learning. I am lucky to be able to play wonderful music and hear my son play it. I prefer it to pain meds. Lots of live music in our house, even if the plumbing is being a hassle and going to be a saga.

Glad you have some distractions too; in hospital and more people on here to talk with.

Hugs

Apple

@Appleblossom it is so grrar u have music and a connection to and love of arts and you find people around u who mirror this and talk music, its something you seem to light up in others and i admire how much passion u have for it. Definitely better than pain meds! And a good way to rhink of it as something that makes you feel good and can help take away hurt. It sounds like its been something youve loved for a long time and give a lot to as well.

I agree re the friednships here ...some woman told me her last 3 boyfriends she met in hospital and it triggered me. I get that love can be found anywhere but i just feel like its the furthest thing from my mind. I wouldnt want to find a partner here. I have heard stories like ur son of really good long term supportive friendships..

@LeChuck and @EternalFlower had a little read, hope thats O K, and I just want to say that I do feel a small part of the pain and anguish you feel. I say small, because few really know your shoes.

Does a day arrive when that one right person finds us, or we wake to an inner voice

awakened. A voice that says, . . . today is the day I go down to the waters edge inside me,

overcome fear, regret, anger, shed the cloak and wade into the unknown.

Time, setting, and place. It takes everything we got, . . everything.

But It is possible. I have stood alone in that velvet water. It did not heal my scars.

It gave me the courage to wear them with pride. Mixed emotions still animate my tattoos.

But I choose the high ground on which they do battle.

Mans prints are on the moon, and this thing we must do will be harder, but it is a thing that

can be done.

your tears are my tears tonys moonbase 1

Hi @EternalFlower

Thanks for the tag. I want to be encouraging but I don’t exactly know what to say! Sorry that you feel broken! That must be a devastating feeling. As for making friends in hospital, it is not a good place for that. Everybody in there is currently in crisis. So it can be very toxic. I have never made friends in hospital for that reason. You just need to rub along together well enough while you are in there but then leave it at that.

How’s the food in there? I know that in hospital meal times can be the most exciting times of the day and you just pray that there is no commotion.

What else have they got you doing? Any art groups or therapy to go to?

I hope that you feel well soon.

Meggle

Hello @EternalFlower

I needed to take time out again.

You might or might not still be in hospital.

When I said many moons ago that I had been in the clinic that is what it is called. It is a private mental health hospital that also has an area to help with those who are experiencing withdrawals, need help, brain injury, more acute illnesses.

I was in the mental health section and they were meant to be helping me with mild acquired brain injury.

After having to source information myself to help them help me communicate with less stress; as they did not have a clue, I realised the place was making me go backwards and feel even more exasperated, not heard and devalued.

The manager of the ward actually confided in me on the day of discharge that there was only actually one nurse who had mental health training, one regular nurse and most agency nurses from general public hospitals with no training at all in mental health. There was also a gp working as in a nurse role; no training in mental health though. This being over a two week span.

Explained so much.

Hence when my therapist recently said would be good for me to spend some more time in there recently to have some supports in place; my response was no. I am not wasting my time.

Your mention of friendships and other patients.

Not a good idea as most advised.

You have the best intentions and want to help, but there are people in there who will mess with your head; suck your energy; take advantage of you leaving you feeling just as bad if not worse than when you went in.

Best to stick with books, art etc and immerse yourself in that as mindless as that can become.

If you are allowed outside walking around in fresh air is the best. I spent hours walking around the carpark.

Or there might be a morning or afternoon walking group accompanied by someone in the group therapies area.

I hope that you are starting to feel more yourself.

Thank you for continuing to include me also.

Do you feel safe enough to start another thread? Something that you enjoy or are wanting to try?

Do you think that it might help having some time out of this one?

You can still invite your friends to the new one.

This one will still be here also.

Just a suggestion.

Only you know if you have the strength and energy.

Take care

Sophia 1

@Sophia1 ♥️♥️♥️

Hello @EternalFlower

The hearts were a lovely gift 🌹

How are you today?

Hi @Sophia1

I am in hospital still and struggling.

The nurses have been good over the last bit, there are a few i dislike and sometimes i get assigned one of those and it is impossible to connect. But some im very connected to.

I saw my dr on friday. I have sh scars on my body and have anxiety about them and he showed me his two scars on his arm.

I feel like i want to go home soon, and hope i will, and am processing my stay and things i noticed and learned, this that worked, didnt work...

I have been able to seperate from the residents and not get involved. I am too fragile.

I had a nice interaction with someone and then the next day he was rude to me and it hurt and i just find sometimes people change here or suddenly act warm or distant and im too fragile for that.

I am not sure if im progressing too much here but im safe and ok in the moment. Thank you for being here for me.❤️🌄❣️