Trying makes it worse

Hi,

I'm up tonight having a hard time, finding everything distressing and unable to sleep, my space feels triggering, it's rhe unpacked bags from hospital...all over the floor...

I hate mess and disorder which makes me messier somehow, I punish myself this way.

My psychiatrist called me after receiving my message that I felt unsafe, he was maybe awkward about it ie how to ask me, was I safe, how at risk was I. He knew I was not got from my message, and I knew he knew. But how to say the words?

He offered me an emergency appointment at his earliest free time.

I guess I have helped myself, and reached out and some part of me wants to live.

I don't understand where it comes from.

I find with these things that sometimes it's emotional and sometimes it's instinctual.

I'm also wondering if emotional situations are best addressed with "nice thought", cognitive approaches.

And when it's an instinct thing, it's best addressed with "nice feeling", emotional approaches.

Either way, I'm into the instinct>emotion>cognition way of looking at ourselves. At least from a framework point of view.

Or more like,

reality>instinct>emotion>cognition>"reality" (and then rinse repeat from there).

"reality"+reality>instinct>emotion>cognition>"reality"

"reality"+reality>instinct>emotion>cognition>"reality" (and so on.)

That's what it is be both alive and an object at the same time. Even when thing aren't working so well, that's what the system is, at least, trying to do. I like to use the system as like a map or something.

Hi @wellwellwellnez how are you? I'm not following entirely, but I do definitely see the intellectual vs emotional split.

I think Dr sometimes likes more cognitive approaches, whereas I govern my life by instinct.

Thanks for the interesting points.

I finished Russian Doll, while it didn't match season 1, I thought it was great.

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I was popping by and wanted to check in to see how you are doing. I acknowledge the transition from hospital-home has been a bit challenging for you.

Thinking of you,

tyme

Hi @tyme

I've been having some struggles settling back, as u mentioned.

I hope tomorrow will be better

I don't feel ready quite to work yet but feel I should get back to routine.

Little things at home are upsetting me, It doesn't feel okay and comfy and my sleep has deteriorated.

I thought it was good to. They went for a a bit of a "stranger things" vibe and I think it worked. I also like it when time travel shows say something about history. It focused a lot on the history life of regular people without casting kings queens and presidents in the story. Kind of made the experience less trivial. Just a little bit of a Dr Who for grown-ups, vibe.

Natasha Lyonne is good in everything. One of those actors that only plays one type but is basically the only person who can play it. There's no Natasha Lyonne type except for Natasha Lyonne.

You got the most important part of the framework that I've been adapting. You've given me a really interesting insight into how I can understand it better.

When you said, "split", I was thinking more like a "stack" but after looking at it from a few different angles, it's both. In a way you can it further and say that a split and a convergence is two sides of the same coin (depending on which way you look). You got me outside of my paradigms here.

Lots to think about. Is it better people dynamics to have two "thinkers", two "feelers" or one of each? First thoughts, they all feel like right answers, perhaps depending on what you're trying to do.

Hi @wellwellwellnez she is so original and intriguing...I think it's rare and special. When I watched Russian doll I related to it, I've had issues with a mentally unwell mum, with time feeling like an enemy as I'm not well or not where I need to be in life..,but I wandered how anyone else would connect to this singular, odd, show. It's refreshing to see how many ppl feel the vibe it puts out, and made me feel not alone.

She is amazing and very smart.

I am waiting now for season 3 of Dead to Me. I haven't seen stranger things but I know it was a huge hit, I see references to it all the time that I don't understand...

@wellwellwellnez feeling vs thinking ...I'm finding it interesting how it operates when ppl are different in what they value...so maybe one of each?

Today felt a bit better here.

I had an emergency psych appointment, and then later this week have regular psych appointment.

I feel grateful to have been offered this, and it helped.

Lovely guy, he is. Very interesting person and I think he's good.

I'm not sleeping well and not sure if I'll be okay to work again soon. I work here and there, accepting shifts when I feel like it, but I'm not sure yet if I want to go back. I feel like my priorities are just....wellness.

I just want to feel okay day-to-day.

Hi Eternal flower.i admit that I am completely new here. However some things in your Post reached me.

I can tell we are different, but there are points that touch. I have been going to my female doctor for about 25 years. We know each other almost too well. I am also a person who tends to hide behind humour. This means I often come out without having been serious enough. This is because as soon as I go in, Kim and I are verbal sparring and throwing insults in a jokey way.

Your comment about your Doctor joking is similar to my situation.

I think this is probably a silly question, but can you change to a more senior doctor?

Personally I also have the issue that I can only relate to females. In life not just doctors.

Have you tried going to a female doctor?

I had from time to time been going to a female Psychologist.. Unfortunately, late last year she passed away.. I have had big trouble finding a replacement. My Doctor took me seriously for once. She changed my antidepressants then increased the dose. (Not that they seem to be working). She also put me onto Gateway. This is a Mental Health Care plan thing, which is free.. You just need a Plan from your Doctor, which may be an issue for you.

I have only had one call so far, but she was very nice, understanding, kind and caring.. The sessions last an hour which was what I had with my psychologist.

I too am looking for someone to converse with. I am not a 'Joiner' and have zero friends. Mainly that is because my home situation.

I would love to hear from you, but I leave that up to you..

Regards; IsThereAnybodyThere