Trying makes it worse

Hey @maddison how are you?

Your friend is lucky to have you and thats so true, adjusting to life at home feels odd and weird after hospital. It is weird how little you have to do there, it's a very singular experience.

I had been feeling extremely suicidal today and randomly contacted my psychiatrists office to say I feel unsafe and need help,

I feel silly. I will be okay, I just felt extremely triggered and upset today, life felt particularly bad and as I was driving I had repeated stories and memories overflowing which centred around suicide.

I think it's ok and I don't know what even I expected him to do.

I used to sometimes reach out and he would call me back and check on me, briefly counsel me and generally just tell me to take a bit of medication.

Drs aren't wizards though, he cant take away my pain,

I think it was @wellwellwellnez who shared about feeling very attached to a dr, I do too, and then I get ashamed of it,

I want to feel independent and truthfully I am not.

I still have russian doll to watch, respect for not having netflix ! I've watched everything on there in lockdown. I find Russian Doll very cathartic as there is a hopeful message in it about confronting life despite feeling traumatised and broken.

Burned through Dollhouse already. Admittedly I was multi-tasking and missed some critical parts. But doing it that way kind of added to the surrealness of it all. I liked it.

I generally like the data oriented approach Netflix takes to it's writing, in that it's like looking in a mirror.

They go people who like [thing A] statistically also like [thing B] so let's layer them together and see what happens. Sometimes, they nail it sometimes they learn what part of their process needs improving. Either way it's more about viewers than reviewers.

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I think what you are feeling is quite 'normal'. Making the transition between the rigidity of hospital to home can be quite a challenge.

For me, hospital was a 'turn off from the world' time, but out of hospital, I felt I had to face reality. It definitely was challenging re-adjusting. And I somewhat believe that is why they make these hospital stays as short as possible - so people don't get too 'comfortable' and too reliant? What are your thoughts on this?

For tonight, I'm glad you've found some things to keep you engaged. Please remember to reach out to crisis lines if you feel the need:

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000

Take care,

tyme

Hi @wellwellwellnez I'll let u know when I'm done...still on ep 3 or 4. I hope u enjoyed it as well as liked. For me that was a relief in ep 1 and 2, although hard to replicate how original and brilliant season 1 was, it was still very enjoyable to watch, the story and character was gripping.

A lot of these netflix series are interesting in that way. Side note but I feel the opposite of apple TV, the series are empty and flashy, more about reviewer's.

I haven't watched more of russian doll because I Get stressed ill miss something , I love every second.

Thanks for sharing as I don't know anyone else who has watched it.

Surreal is a good word to describe it. I don't know how they did it, but they created a watching experience that mimics how I feel living in this world.

Sometimes I identify a lot wirh both Nadia and Alan.

I'm a big tv watcher so it's odd I haven't finished yet. Too much energy in trying to keep sane (Lol)

@tyme it was nice to read this is normal and even understandable

Tbh I feel so loopy sometimes, like sadness is my curse and no one else has been there. I want to feel more adjusted but leaving hospital just upends me.

I called Lifeline earlier....it didn't quite help although it was kind the woman spoke to me for one hour. That alone is very sweet.

Interesting what u write about shorter admissions, well said. I've been a few times and I feel I get more out of it when I stay shorter, it gets stale and distressing after a while ans I get disoriented. It does seem like shorter stays means it's easier to adjust back home.

I don't know how others do it. How can one adjust smoothly back home? My Dr said once it's just a fact and reality that discharge and following week or so is hard.

So maybe all u can do is weather it and minimise triggers, but it's just not the easiest.

I found myself in a place of utter despair in the past, @EternalFlower .

If, back then, you told me I would live past the sadness, and go on to help others as a peer worker, I would have laughed in your face. I never thought I'd see past my 25th birthday....yet I have.

Hospitalisations didn't really help me that much - it was a sort of reset button, but as soon as I got out, things went haywire again.

However, I DID find PARCs admissions very helpful (prevention and recovery centres). They are voluntary admissions as a step up into hospital or a step-down. For me, they prevented the need for me to go to hospital. They were a super help as part of my recovery. I'm not sure if you have any in your local area.

All I can say is that there IS hope. I've been down a dark place, and now I'm here.

tyme

Hi @tyme well done on becoming a peer worker...I know so much what Ur writing. For me it was 27, I didn't feel I'd get there. I'm still here and survived 27 but life actually fell apart and I got much worse.

I am glad to hear u found something helpful that warnt hospital.

I have heard about different types of serves that are less clinical

I'm interested in what helps ppl, so thanks for telling me about PARC. U give a good lived experience recommendation. It has made me think about what has actually helped me in a deep, sustainable manner.

Like helped me redirect or change or grow.

Or recover.

I like ACT and there is a psychologist in my care team who I see sometimes who gave me some practical tools for exposure therapy which helped. I'd say exposure therapy worked. Probably hospital helped me a bit to keep going another day, it was more of a distraction, but I think distraction had its place for me, although sometimes when reality hits after the distraction, everything felt much worse.

Absolutely @EternalFlower . I resonate with what you are saying.

Hospital has its place for immediate safety concerns, but in the long-run, it made me worse.

I've had planned admissions into PARCs...when I found things were spiralling out of control, I stayed at PARCs for about 4 weeks at a time. It was great. There were psycho-educational groups each day, exercise groups, outings, coffee groups, groups shopping, centrelink visits to PARCs. I also had my peer worker come visit me. There was a huge change in me each time I went to PARCs. So much so, I came to the point where I said "I don't need this anymore". It has been absolutely vital in my recovery.

As for ACT, have you read the book "The Happiness Trap" by Russell Harris? Such an incredible read - makes so much sense!

Thanks for sharing your recovery journey with us here at SANE.

tyme

Hi all, was t doing so good post discharge but have reached out to my team for some emergency support, which I thought 50/50 chance they could do much

I have been called today and they checked in which I appreciate

I forgot a lot of them do work on Saturday, and my Dr was available and followed up.

Happy about that at least! @tyme @maddison @wellwellwellnez

Hi @tyme I've read the happiness trap, and done some of the exercises

It's a great book. Do u use it as well?

It's a great alternative to CBT and DBT which didn't work for me.