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A Friend in Need,,,,

A Friend in Need,,,,

I closed my poetry thread, no more poetry here.
I wasn't going to post either, but I feel the need to express this somehow or die a tiny bit more inside.
I'm guessing both will happen, regardless.

Today I lost a friend. Not to death but to human nature.
Or rather, as the quote goes:

"I didn't lose a friend. I just realised I never had one"

To me this is worse. Sadly I judge others by my own standards,and I give loyalty and honesty and trust beyond what is sensible.
Even less sensible, is the expectation that it will be returned in like.

In recent years I have come to realise that to .... every single friend really, I am not a friend, I am a convenience.
They only talk to me etc when they are bored and all their 'real friends' are busy.
They only respond to my messages or requests for help ( eg. Assistance moving house), in a similar way. As long as it doesn't inconvenience them or cost them anything.

This is how the world works. I know that.
People prioritise, and I rank low, if at all, on their list.
And that would be fine. Except for the fact that I have always dropped everything I'm doing to help each and every one of them.
I have given friends my last dollar and gone hungry.
I do these things repeatly, and almost always to my own detriment or inconvenience.

I recently failed a house inspection because I was busy working dawn till dusk helping a friend (of over ten years), prepare for theirs.
Their reaction when they found out? They abused me, said I was stupid, and a freak. That nobody does that. They said a lot worse before they terminated our friendship forever.
Because I helped them, instead of helping myself.
Without expectation of reward or returned favour beyond what standard friendship brings.

But I do do that. I will always do that, and I don't apologise for it.

I suppose it's foolish of me to think these things make our friendship stronger, that I might get what I give if I am ever in need. I guess I live In Wonderland after all.

But I feel sad that people often recognise that, and take advantage.
I thought this friend was different, but the truth always come out in the end.

As Friedrich Nietzsche said :

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you."

In a way, I lost multiple friends. The friend I thought I had, the friend I could have had, and the friend I will never have.

It always surprises me that no matter how completely empty I feel inside and think I am, someone manages to find something new to tear out.

And people wonder why I prefer to be alone.

73 replies

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In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

My headstone will say:

" I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the things I didn't do"

Or given the size of headstones, it will say: " I don't regret the things I've d "

I just dropped back briefly to apologise to everyone.

I didn't / cant fully explain all the details of the OP, or go into the other things in my life.

This particular story is a drop in a bucket. A very large bucket.

Or perhaps in Lettie Hemstock's pond.

I don't mean to criticise but I'd like to offer my opinion.

Maybe it only applies to me, but when I post something as obviously distressing and personal as that, I don't want to be told how I "should" be feeling. Or what my emotions and thoughts "should be" towards anyone involved.

I understand and appreciate the intent, but I find it inappropriate to be told I should react the way someone else chooses to act.

It's my heart, my emotions , and I get to feel however I want.

Advice and and opinions, however well intended, are still only that person's prejudices, (for and and against things), and they are coloured by that individuals cognitive biases developed over time,

You are free to feel however you choose, but please don't presume to tell me I should do the same.

That sounds bitchy (again), but I hope everyone can understand _my_ intent. And that is certainly not to offend or criticise.

Thanks for your posts, regardless of how immaturaly I reacted. I admit I got upset because I felt I was consistently misunderstood, but I eventually understood you all did your best with the information I provided.

I'm a bit slow, but i get there in the end.

That said, I'm now undecided on leaving.

I'm reluctant to post again, and I'm not such a hypocrite to go offering advice to others. So I'll have to contemplate the value of hanging around.

The only thing making me want to stay is how positive and kind everyone is. I guess I'm not used to that.

Thanks to everyone.

Fond regards,

Ali'

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

..pinch o' salt phps Ms Alice @Former-Member.. it's not professional advice on here.. and yes, some do like to couch their own negativity as advice, then add 200 wds to post after 'sorry how ''bad' your day was' and that you are in such a 'nasty' situation etc to say how smart they are and then demand sympathy while dropping hints at how bad things really are for them even tho they are so incredibly smart happy talented, wise, etc then have a rant about how its all the worlds fault etc etc its funny..sorta..

..well let them eat ..chips ..I say..

..hey, when in Rome ..hmm

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@TAB

Purple vs. Black:

Black is the colour in which stars shine,
And when I close my eyes to sleep
Black is the colour in which I find
Dreams and realms untold,
There in the colour of coal.
And though black is not a colour,
It's a tone.
It's something I can always make my own.

Purple is the colour that Luka bears,
The colour a Wiggle or TeleTubbby wears.
Of a child's unicorn and a certain CareBear,
And perhaps of the knickers that some women wear,
And though there are things I'm willing to share,
I'm not giving anyone glimpses down there.

----

I know I said no more poetry, but I couldn't resist.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@TAB

I'm an all or none kind of girl in a lot of things.

If an amateur stabs you, or a professional does, do you bleed differently?

If both of them fall over in the forest, does either make a sound?

If someone swears at you, abuses you, or offers you advice, I don't think I matters what level of 'professional' they are.

I've met so called professionals I wouldn't trust to install the wiring on a NASA rocket.

😉

Or shine my shoes.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@TAB

Bingo.

Words are human constructs to simplify communication and were arbitrary assigned.

They are indeed meaningless in the greater context.

Glad we agree 😉

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Lmao.

I'm a light bulb. Filled with helium.

A light light bulb.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@TAB

arbitrary
ˈɑːbɪt(rə)ri/
adjective
1.
based on random choice or personal whim, rather than any reason or system.
"an arbitrary decision"
synonyms: capricious, whimsical, random, chance, erratic, unpredictable, inconsistent, wild, hit-or-miss, haphazard, casual;

The difference being?

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

ok u are eco friendly low wattage then re 'Lite' @Former-Member formerly known as random poet haha lol

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