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A Friend in Need,,,,

A Friend in Need,,,,

I closed my poetry thread, no more poetry here.
I wasn't going to post either, but I feel the need to express this somehow or die a tiny bit more inside.
I'm guessing both will happen, regardless.

Today I lost a friend. Not to death but to human nature.
Or rather, as the quote goes:

"I didn't lose a friend. I just realised I never had one"

To me this is worse. Sadly I judge others by my own standards,and I give loyalty and honesty and trust beyond what is sensible.
Even less sensible, is the expectation that it will be returned in like.

In recent years I have come to realise that to .... every single friend really, I am not a friend, I am a convenience.
They only talk to me etc when they are bored and all their 'real friends' are busy.
They only respond to my messages or requests for help ( eg. Assistance moving house), in a similar way. As long as it doesn't inconvenience them or cost them anything.

This is how the world works. I know that.
People prioritise, and I rank low, if at all, on their list.
And that would be fine. Except for the fact that I have always dropped everything I'm doing to help each and every one of them.
I have given friends my last dollar and gone hungry.
I do these things repeatly, and almost always to my own detriment or inconvenience.

I recently failed a house inspection because I was busy working dawn till dusk helping a friend (of over ten years), prepare for theirs.
Their reaction when they found out? They abused me, said I was stupid, and a freak. That nobody does that. They said a lot worse before they terminated our friendship forever.
Because I helped them, instead of helping myself.
Without expectation of reward or returned favour beyond what standard friendship brings.

But I do do that. I will always do that, and I don't apologise for it.

I suppose it's foolish of me to think these things make our friendship stronger, that I might get what I give if I am ever in need. I guess I live In Wonderland after all.

But I feel sad that people often recognise that, and take advantage.
I thought this friend was different, but the truth always come out in the end.

As Friedrich Nietzsche said :

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you."

In a way, I lost multiple friends. The friend I thought I had, the friend I could have had, and the friend I will never have.

It always surprises me that no matter how completely empty I feel inside and think I am, someone manages to find something new to tear out.

And people wonder why I prefer to be alone.

73 replies

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In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@Former-Member. About two years ago, after several run-in's with unsympathetic in-laws, and a hubby who walked away while I was trying to defend myself from his toxic parents, I attempted to end. I was in anger/desperation/emotional pain and worn out. I had been on a conglomerate of AD's, (which I've since discovered I didn't need). So I tried to end,. Since then I'm not allowed anything, it's only now, I am starting to sleep, not fully, not all night, but I am sleeping. I still get angry, but like you it's inward. I feel angry that I let me down by allowing toxicity from others to affect me. I try now not lash out when I'm angry, I tend to try to avoid people who are not right for me. I'm battling breast cancer by radiation atm, and the amount of stupid remarks about double mastectomies etc have really made me realize that people who have never experienced cancer in any way, don't know what they're talking about. I can't change the way they think, but I can choose to ignore and walk away. I used to get really tetchy/uptight etc, but after counselling, while having this radiation I discovered that ignorance about breast cancer is what motivates silly remarks. Many people I've met in radiation, have experienced these insensitive remarks and through sharing our experiences, we've given each other strength and coping skills. Mastectomies will not stop cancer, it may halt it, but cancer atm is not completely curable. You may go into remission, which (if you're lucky) means cancer free, but cancer can return and if it does it knows no bounds. I got angry/tetchy when I found I had it, but, once the realization sunk in, I knew I had to fight it, my choice, but for me the right one. If I go into remission and stay there, well done. If the cancer returns I have the choice of refusing further treatment or not.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Its ok @Former-Member I am grown up enough to have my own responses to music and wont be lead astray. .. lol ... dont wear the responsiblity too heavily ... new singers are little side journeys ... new things .. fresh for me ... I dont care what order they come in ... not into rankings much.

I am working on enough classical pieces to keep me anchored in the really real.. I hope. 2 Rehearsals Thursday, Performance Saturday & social mingle and audition soon.

Forums are social experiments. You will relate on it in your way ... I will do it my way ... others have their styles ... some log on once a week .. I am a night owl .. frequently going more than 24 hours without sleep .. probably should record it.

A lesbian once called me gay .. but a few men dont seem to think so and I gave birth to 2 babies ... they ask that question on the census. I completed it last night.

I can take jokes from the inside .. with wit & irony ..

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

I had a supposed friend for 28 years, worked on her house (i rent) as in painted the exterior designed her interior and helped to arrange and place items around her home. My husband is a cabinetmaker and put a new kitchen in for her , gutted her bathroom so she wouldn't have to pay the tiler and plumbers to do it. Lanscaped her acerage. Built a large bush house for her.

Then because that kitchen was 10 years old, she got a total stranger to put in anew kitchen and we only found this out when we went to her house to do more work for her and her husband. If she asked if I like something and carefully state "not my thing, but it's your home", she will run to my husband and completely change what I said, thank goodness my husband didn't listen to her.

Now that her house is complete she won't talk to me, especially after I found out she had tried to take my children to see my estranged parents, this she denies, but she forgot she had mentioned this to my husband.

I have been verbally and physically abused by my parents and sister and have only just started talking to my parents. This is strained and I get stressed when I go to see them in the nursing home. My siblings placed them there, but didn't tell me and they live in Brisbane and they all have Power of Attorney, but me and I'm the one who travel an hour down and an hour back to buy groceries and do their other shopping and washing.

i suffer from chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and clinical depression. I don't want to be me anymore and I don't know what that even means.

So tired of people, i'm so mistrusting of anyone now,

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