FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A Friend in Need,,,,

A Friend in Need,,,,

I closed my poetry thread, no more poetry here.
I wasn't going to post either, but I feel the need to express this somehow or die a tiny bit more inside.
I'm guessing both will happen, regardless.

Today I lost a friend. Not to death but to human nature.
Or rather, as the quote goes:

"I didn't lose a friend. I just realised I never had one"

To me this is worse. Sadly I judge others by my own standards,and I give loyalty and honesty and trust beyond what is sensible.
Even less sensible, is the expectation that it will be returned in like.

In recent years I have come to realise that to .... every single friend really, I am not a friend, I am a convenience.
They only talk to me etc when they are bored and all their 'real friends' are busy.
They only respond to my messages or requests for help ( eg. Assistance moving house), in a similar way. As long as it doesn't inconvenience them or cost them anything.

This is how the world works. I know that.
People prioritise, and I rank low, if at all, on their list.
And that would be fine. Except for the fact that I have always dropped everything I'm doing to help each and every one of them.
I have given friends my last dollar and gone hungry.
I do these things repeatly, and almost always to my own detriment or inconvenience.

I recently failed a house inspection because I was busy working dawn till dusk helping a friend (of over ten years), prepare for theirs.
Their reaction when they found out? They abused me, said I was stupid, and a freak. That nobody does that. They said a lot worse before they terminated our friendship forever.
Because I helped them, instead of helping myself.
Without expectation of reward or returned favour beyond what standard friendship brings.

But I do do that. I will always do that, and I don't apologise for it.

I suppose it's foolish of me to think these things make our friendship stronger, that I might get what I give if I am ever in need. I guess I live In Wonderland after all.

But I feel sad that people often recognise that, and take advantage.
I thought this friend was different, but the truth always come out in the end.

As Friedrich Nietzsche said :

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you."

In a way, I lost multiple friends. The friend I thought I had, the friend I could have had, and the friend I will never have.

It always surprises me that no matter how completely empty I feel inside and think I am, someone manages to find something new to tear out.

And people wonder why I prefer to be alone.

73 replies

21 - 30 of 73

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@Former-Member. I'm forever an optimist (except a few months ago in my darkest hour). I do tend not to worry about what somepeople think about me. I'm not working since ggetting sick, I'm a single parent, I used to be a drinker (to ignore or hide my emotions). But I decided long ago that people who judge me negatively, don't deserve my time or my worry. I also recognise that I am beyond lucky to have the best friend ever (38 year friendship) & to have some family who care (even if they don't always understand). I know I'm a good person.
But I do recognise the sting you talk about when people you thought you could trust, walk all over you. Trust is so important. And when the trust is broken, what do you do then.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

I'm glad someone is an optimist.

I have no family who cares.

I have no friends who care.

And not to be a snob, but I don't use any crutches.

My trust wasn't just broken. It was broken 3 times, by the people I loved most in the world. Not just broken, but with things said and written that no one should ever have said to them.

So I'm glad you're all supportive with great things to say.

Thank for caring and responding.

But to be a bitch, if you think a few kind words from strangers online make up for pages of things that gutted me from the ones I cared about, well, obviously no one read my poetry.

So why am I on here then?

I don't know. Just another f*ck up in a long line of f*ck ups.

Thanks for everyone's responses, but it just made me feel worse.

I shouldn't have posted, and don't worry, I won't waste your time again.

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@Former-Member. I'm sorry you feel that way. I enjoyed writing to you. Still, we each have our own journey and I genuinely wish you well. I'll respect your wishes and will not correspond unless you wish to in the future. No hard feelings on my part.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Hi @Former-Member

Your post actually makes me quite sad, because It sounds like you've had such a hurtful experience (to say the least) to a point where it seems you're unable to see the 'online strangers' are people who are quite concerned about you - which says a lot - given that you're a stranger to them too.

As I said, it seems like your past experiences have had such an impact on you and completely understand why your level of trust would be so low.

I'm sorry that this hasn't helped you. I hope you take care.

Nik

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

In my opinion it's never meant to make up for the past. I think that words from strangers help to connect to a future somehow. I've just read this thread and found so many interesting points. It's a good dialogue to have had. I'm sorry you're feeling worse for it @Former-Member. I am learning that one of the things I have done and suspect others was to give and meet others needs without really knowing or inderstanding what my needs were. It's also about boundaries as @Appleblossom highlighted to. I believe I need to work out how to give but also how to have my reds met by others to which involves being vulnerable and teaching those that we care for what those needs are and how they can help. I haven't worked it out yet but hope to. I also don't have the deep emotional scarring but I do know what it feels life to live my life for others and not feel that being reciprocated. @utopia I think you seem to be on a good path with this now to. The forum helps us to discuss these issues in a way that we can learn and evolve rather than being isolated. It doesn't replace friendship but rather enables a true connection that helps us to evolve and share our compassion with others amongst many other things. I hope you stay around @Former-Member because I too appreciated your thoughts and poetry. I'm really sorry you've had some really bad things happen. Best of luck for whatever you choose 😊💜

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Oops needs not reds. Sorry typed this in a hurry in my car. There will be a few mistakes

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Hi there,
I have removed the previous two posts. Swearing and disrespectful comments towards each other won't be tolerated.

If anyone has questions, please email team@saneforums.org

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Hi @Former-Member. yes You're right. I have got so much from this forum. Skills that others have used to get through a really rough patch, the knowledge that not everyone outside the MI community always gets us or treats us well. Lov the idea of the comfort box (another wow revelation). And I think genuine friendships. I think it's also helped to remind me of who I am, deep down. I'm a carer. I'm a good person. I've also learnt how resilient many on this site are. How hard they fight. How deserving they are of some peace, happiness & recognition.
I'm thankful more than I can express. Best bunch of people.

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

..my name is Luka, I live on the second floor..

hey, stuff happens, re situations, 'one wrong word' etc I don't deal with that stuff that well either, but .. it's .. stuff.. it's not you and your grief is not you either .. unless you choose it.. I have been diagnosed, undiagnosed, helped, not helped, put self out there when things on an 'up' .. hard to say.. met some beautiful people but guess we were never 100% on the same page, but who is.. despite beautiful moments, times just couldnt stop smiling didnt want to be anywhere else with anyone else then bit by bit .. yeh ok ..guess it's the adult skills, re adaptation from background of single and gloom or single and sometimes happy to meeting someone that you throw away all logic for well both do maybe, think its all hunky dory then.. well ..they are not there..

Anyway.. you have a spirit, and a mind, try purple instead of black maybe .. I hope/know someone will be there for you re missed things etc

I think my headstone if there will be one, will say 'well I didn't really try then did a lot of bad things then I got sad about it. Great. wonderful. Do not be like that. you have shown you have feelings. Try good feelings

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

oh, @Former-Member re previous rant.

21 - 30 of 73