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Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2016, 12:41 pm AEST

Life after hospital

Hi @NikNik@CherryBomb @Decadian@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Silenus and everyone else I have forgotten (i am sorry my memory is not good)

Life after hospital???

I really don't know. I was in hospital for 3 weeks and I did hibernate for the first 3 days sleeping most of that time. I had a change of meds which took a while to work out the strength. Then my BP was doing weird things and they changed those meds as well. I was totally exhausted and I don't know if I will ever get better.

I did eventually join in socially and do groups but unfortunately the groups triggered a lot of memories of my childhood abuse,, my mum and how she has treated me, so I used to walk out in tears. I seemed to be crying and sleeping quite a lot. Self harming was on my mind a lot and i was 'looked after' really well by the staff. Often they would pop in my room and just chat but at times all i wanted to do was cry and sleep.

My discharge yesterday was emotional, i didn't want to leave my safe place, my peace and quiet. I tried the night before something terrible and wrote a note to one of the night staff who sat down with me in my room and he told me I don't believe in myself enough that i am strong but i don't see it.

I saw so many people from all walks of life suffering in silence. I came home on the weekends and couldn't even look at the house as it was untidy or not how i would keep it. so after a bit of cleaning i decided no i wanted to go back to 'my safe home'.

Today i had to see my GP and was falling asleep, i told him i am not sure if it's the meds and he said i am still exhausted.

I just feel like crying. Having horrible nightmares at the hospital was so bad that i was too scared to close my eyes, but i had the best male night staff who sat with me and made me a hot milo and gave me some meds to calm down and go off to sleep.

I am so axious about work tomorrow, but i have no money, no sick leave and no annual leave. tried centrelink but they are useless as my hubby earns just over the threshold. so on top of finances and my health i feel i am still not the best.

I wasn't gooing to come on here so soon but i needed to talk to someone as i am home alone. the only good thing that kept me going was knitting.

God i wish i could jusst go away, need to stop these negative thoughts.

Anyway i just wanted to say hi, i am still here and i am sorry if i have forgotten someone's name - i think my exhuastion and meds are affecting my concentration and memory.

I really don't kow how i will cope tomorrow.

i am so scared and anxious.

You were all probably hoping for me to be jumping up and down with glee - if only.

ps. another thing we are signing papers to sell our home this week; that's one good thing i suppose, just the packing is overwhelming.

394 replies

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In response to: Life after hospital

Unknown userMember23 Aug 2016, 12:38 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

I know. It's so frustrating. I felt the same. Appearance does sell. Making room inside to be very minimalist helps, creating the idea of lots of space..tasteful decorations etc...target your key market for style of house. People are visual, it helps sucker them in. Use what you got. I'm with you. Sometimes it's just not worth all the heartache 👍..Wish I had a better solution for you to let go, but that's not easy I know. @BlueBay

In response to: Life after hospital

Unknown userMember23 Aug 2016, 12:42 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @BlueBay, moving is very stressful, for everyone. Is this a good time? Feel for the relentless emotional storms you have endure. I've been the same, so was my mum, its hard but we must find healthy ways to get it out, snip it in the bud and heal enough to stop it rising in the first place. Big hug @BlueBay

In response to: Life after hospital

pipSenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 12:46 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay. Not sure what state you live in. I'm in Qld, when we sold, our house was inspected by a qualified building inspector. It's actually against the law in Qld to sell without inspection first. This is paid for by the new owner. Apart from that, you're right about people just being interested in size, location etc. We did have to tidy the garden. The inspector checked for termites, leaking taps, electrical faults etc. My heart was in my mouth the whole time, lucky for us, the house passed. I won't say it 'flew through', it was 14 years old, so you can't expect perfection. The fence at the back that divided our house from next door, had been damaged by next door, the new owner leaned against it, it nearly fell down. Luckily she put it down to general 'wear and tear'. Once the house passed and the contract went 'unconditional' we breathed a sigh of relief. good luck to you for the same result.

In response to: Life after hospital

Unknown userMember23 Aug 2016, 12:50 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

😂 the fence!!! @pip

In response to: Life after hospital

DecadianSenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 1:16 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @BlueBay

This is the other side of depression - all your anger is coming out - I would be angry too - oh yes - I have been - so angry - I remember the frustration of a lazy husband (LH) and I totally refused spending the money I earned to reblock the house and knew no way could I pay for the decorations that would need to be done if the place was reblocked

And the arguments went on and on and on and on

I didn't know the house you are breaking your heart and mind and bank about was your parents' home. My stars!! - that is the living pits - yes - you need to get out of there. Awww

wwww

Really bad - you are just about being haunted there.

One does have to consider the future - we can't just blast through life without making realistic plans - but worrying about it is fruitless - you can't see the whole picture yet - but as overcommited as you are on a large block of land is pretty bad - and you are so stuck with this - this is impossible - this is really stopping your from healing properly - this is why you are so exhausted

I am glad you are seeing the doctor today - be really honest with him - this cannot hurt at all - you are learning to be more open I think

And I do not think you are being negative - I think I would know that after all these years - being over-whelmed with everything might lead a person with little insight into all this would maybe say that - like that person at work - you need not worry about that one

You are in a really bad place and it will all take time - and I wish you the best

Reading all this from the outside - you are making huge progress

wtg

Decadian

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 1:17 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

I'm starting to think that maybe now is not a good time. I don't know anymore when's a good time to sell. My youngest son has 2 more yrs at Uni and he said he will live closer to Melbourne. My other son has applied for the police force and if he gets in he will be posted away fromm home. Then my daughter will prob move out with her boyfriend (not sure when). So the option is to stay a few more yrs and buy a smaller place or move now. Gosh i am so confused now, i don't kow what to think. I need to let this rest for a while and have a good chat with hubby.

But i do think that maybe i am not in the right framem of mind to be moving just now.

i am so confused.

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 1:21 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Yes @Decadian

Every single house we have had we have bought from my parents. It was more their decision for us to do that.

But now - that MIL is not living with us anymore - I want my own house. I want to be able to chose a house that we like, a kitchen that like, etc etc - not something that my mum and dad have said hey just buy ours. No way and no more.

But the decision is when, now or later? @Decadian I am so confused. i need to stop and breathe. i need to write down a pros and cons list with hubby and kids tonight.

why is everything so bloody hard?

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

pipSenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 1:47 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay. From where I'm sitting, the problem seems to be that every house you've had, you have never had choices about anything. Every decision ever made wasn't yours, someone else decided when, where, how etc. All of a sudden you can make choices, but don't know how to. You're on the right track about pros and cons with moving. I suggest the first thing you look at is, the size of prospective (soon to be decided), house. How big, do you want the kids to come and stay often? You can log on and look at houses for sale to get some idea where you may decide to live, also size of house, block of land you choose etc. Price also comes into it Big Time. Have you had your house valued to see what you could ask. Your chosen estate agent will give you a fairly good idea. If in doubt, do nothing. perhaps you do need longer to really think about what you want, and need. With men, a lot of them feel home is where they sleep, They're not worried about inside, unless there's heaps of work needed and they're good handymen. Kitchen, bathroom etc are 'women's' domain. If there's garage, or shed, they're usually happy. Even bedrooms are something men don't think about, as long as there's somewhere to sleep, that's all they care about. Sorry if my words don't help, but past experience with the species have taught me not to rely on them too much.

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

DecadianSenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 2:14 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

It must be a big house @BlueBay - but more than you can afford -

So the question is - how long do you want this to last.

Decisions - decisions - what to do? When to do it? Your children are getting older - the time is coming when they will make up their own minds about there lives - and you can do this in two steps even - maybe rent for a while and give yourselves time to have your kids set themselves up and then get a small place for you and your husband

You have to have the right kitchen - that is your priority - and yes - husbands ofent just need a place to sleep and to keep their stuff

Just think of a smaller place that you would like. Look up what's available where you live - I do this for fun at times - it makes my own place look better - actually - I like my place

But from all the stories I have heard - read - it seems a woman needs to make her own choices and for years that is a choice many women do not consider - it's how we have been brought up and is deeply embedded in our culture

Just think of this - your trip into hospital has changed your perception of things - yes - it has - and now you are making this choice

One thing at a time - for now - look - and look at land prices too - and see what you can afford - get a price for your own property - it must be worth quite a bit - double blocks of land go at a premium for high density living

So this is a good point - why bother with decorating if there is a chance that the house will be taken down for units on such a large piece of land? I didn't - I wouldn't - I was so angry back then I became intolerant of suggestions to spend my money on that when I was supporting myself

It is sad that women have so much against them when it comes to learning to make choices - but now you have started - take your time and make choices to suit yourself

A family meeting with your kids is the first step - they may decide for themselves - what to do - and after all - it just occurred to me - have these adult children been helping out with expenses?

Not really my business - but I recollect - I could not wait to leave home - I was so glad to have my own place

Don't stress about it - enjoy the process - as your health improves you will handle all of this better - first you need to take things more easily -

Thinking of you

Decadian

In response to: Life after hospital

utopiaSenior Contributor23 Aug 2016, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay. $60 is not a huge help with the mortgage payments. Ph the bank and ask them for 3 months of cancelled payments. This will give you time to sell house. Mortgage can be sorted out at settlement.
Fingers crossed centrelink is a help - especially with helping to keep your job open for you.
My family has been in real estate for years. My suggestion: get the real estate agent in this week. He / she will tell you if anything really needs doing to put the house on the market. They are the experts in this area.
Have an honest calm talk with your husband. Ask if he wants to move to a smaller place with less maintenance required. Listen to what he says. Then respond with what you think.
Remember, you can have a conversation and stay calm.
You can have a conversation and state your thoughts.
Then remember to give yourself a treat afterwards.
Gentle does it.
Wishing you all the best

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