Life after hospital

@utopia @Decadian

I went to the appointmemt and I broke down. I have never ever felt so ashamed and embarrassed in asking for help. The lady was lovely and told me this is what they're here for - for people like me who are in crisis.

We talked for a little while, she asked questions. The way we are doing our finances is good, we direct deposit so much money each fortnight to all the utilities - it;s just that at the moment while I get no pay we will struggle.

She gave me two bags of food all mixed from pasta, tomato tinned, tuna, biscuits to tea bags. She also gave me a few $20 vouchers to cover either petrol or food from Woolworths. I coldn't thank her enough, i was crying as I was leaving and she said anytime i need to chat i can just pop in. She also suggested i contact the bank and explain my situation to see if they can help with repayments of our mortgage and also contact St Vinnies who will help to. She told me i am so brave to walk in that door and ask for help.

I came home and lost it, emotionally angry so i called the CAT team andn spoke to a nice clinician who said they had contacted my psych to let him know i had contacted them over the past few days. We made an agreement that i would either go for a walk or just go outside and sit outside.

Well i did - i grabbed Jersey but she did not move; she looked at me with her lead on and wouldn't move an inch. So i thought well stuff you i am going for a drive down the beach and walk down there.

I bought some beautiful fresh strawberries and blue berries and healthy snacks which i feel good in doing.

i am now home, think i will have a lay down or do some knitting.

I can't believe how sunny today is.

Thank you for believing in me that i can do this; i can get through this tough time.

Oh thank you @utopia

I manage to do quite a bit today and I didn't manage to knit but i had a little snooze. My body is still adjusting to new meds and my emotions are a bit everywhere still.

Now this is a rant - i need to let it out, sorry

I am over my hubby not committiing to doing something. He is always umming and arghing. I have left it up to him to coontact the agent to get him to come over to sign contract. But as usual he says oh but i still want tot paint two walls and do this and do that. Well do you know what - I told him I am leavingn it with you. So i am not going to ask him again, i asked him 3 weeks ago when i was in hospital to sit down and write down a list of jobs that need to be done. but oh no it's still not done. so i give up, i am so over doing things for him. it's time he stands up and starts doing things so we can sell. how many times do i have bloody tell him or ask him. RANT OVER!!!

I am going to knit for a bit and then an early night. I am expecting a phone call from my psych tomorrow and i know that the CAT team have notified him of my phone calls over the weekend. Just hope he doesn't tell me off. but i couldn't contact him so i had to get some advice reg my meds.

tomorrow i will go to the bank and ask if we can just pay the intererst only for a few months because of my lower wage. i feel terrible in doing this but i need to so we can pay a bit less. then hopefully if hubby gets his butt into action we can actually sell our home.

Actually I was thinking today that while i was in hospital we should have had a family meeting. So my psych could explain my illness to hubby and kids. i still think that i am taken advantage of and it's expected of me to do stuff. i might speak to my psych and ask him if we can have a family meeting at his rooms.

i am starting to feel overwhelmed about selling, packing and moving and where to move to. i am hoping that we can get a long settlement and make it over the xmas period because for me it will be my busiest time and i will have no time off. so lets wait and see what happens.

so tomorrow is bank appt - i feel a bit nervous but i need to do it.

Hi @BlueBay

You are doing great and @utopia and @Former-Member have pitched in with great thoughts too

Yes - I so know what it is like dealing with Centrelink - I am on a pension so I really do know what it's like to ask for help - and we need not feel ashamed - but we do - it is what it is

And yes - about asking your family - I have a story like that - I don't want to cap your hat - my story is in the past - but I do know - it is better you don't - who wants a smack in the face

Look how much better you are today - and selling and buying a house and packing and moving is a big job - we all have to do it - actually I am hoping I have done it for the last time

After all you have battled through - you have faced the Dragon - and for now - you are winning

I am looking forward to hearing how you are tomorrow - I hope you are taking time off work -

Decadian

Hi @Former-Member

No hubby does want to sell because he is the one that is sick of cutting back trees every weekend. We are on two blocks of land so the garden is quite big. And the house now needs a bit of renovating, painting and it's was my parebts' home which i so desperately need to get out of and start afresh. My parents don't talk to me.

It is hard though because i am theh one that is doiong all the running around and i am tired of all this crap.

i need to stand my ground - but even that is difficult.

Hi @utopia@Decadian

Well Centrelink appt this morning was ok. I had a really nice guy but i have a feeling that my husband's wage is going to be over thre threshold. But he gave me the forms to fill out and is going to write to my boss to seek his approval that my job will be kept open.

But now i have been thinkingn that even if i did take that path and have a month or so off we would be in deep financial problems because of less payment for me.

I then went to the bank and no help there. The difference between what we pay now and what we would pay interest only is $60 per week differrence.

So for the sake of a month or so we will have to battle on.

I may try to ring the utilities and see if we can have a direct payment cut back for a little while.

it's so annoying, tiring and i am not going to to it today. i have had it.

Then I thought I may as well just keep working as i am and plot along depression or not.

I feel so angry but i don't know who with.

I am waiting for a phone call from my psych to see how i am going and also a phone call from my supervisor to touch base with me.

And i am seeing my GP late this arvo.

And i have a terrible headache. I did go for a walk along the beach, only 1/2 hour but i felt like sitting on the sand and bawling my eyes because i can't seem to findn a solution to anything at the moment.

sorry for being so negative today, i am in a bad place atm.

@Former-Member

When i went into hospital 3 weeks ago I mentiioned to him that while he is home at night alone to write down a list of jobs that need fixing. Do you think that list got done?? NO.

How many times do i have to ask him? Looks like i will have to sit down with him and write down this list.

I really don't care about a list anymore, i just want to sell as is. People don't look at the little details, they look if the house is tidy, location and size.