Life after hospital

@BlueBay

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Hi @BlueBay

An audit - I had to think for a moment what that was - because I worked in accounting I had the auditors with their green pens going through my work whenever they did - it happened wherever I worked

But in your case they are going through the prescription medication - the stuff that is usually under lock and key - that must be stressful

Personally I am on the other side of those audits - my medication is Schedule 8 - authorised by the Health Department - and those drugs are the ones they are auditing - I guess - and that would be really scary

I am sure you are doing your work properly because they are keeping you on there - and they would not if you were flaky - I think when you are at work you are doing not just your very best - but are keeping right at the top of the game.

It's the pharmacist who is being audited - there is some one counting every pill, every script, every single little thing to make sure all of this is correct -

And yes - you are in a place where this would be scary - and I hate it when I have people looking into my affairs and have no control if and when my own file is being audited - I know it happens

You are stuggling so much right now - I am glad you are seeing someone today - at least I think I read that somewhere - and of course you are concerned for the younger members of the staff

I get it - I do understand - you work hard and you have fallen apart for the audit before

But as your boss has faith in you - you need to have faith in your boss

I am thinking of you - this day to day battle you are having is not at all easy - it's as if the sky is falling -

Decadian

@Decadian@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@NikNik

An audit of the store is where our store name area manager comes into our store and walks around with paper and pen and marks us. We lose points if our front oustide area is not swept, if windows are dirty, if tickets aren't on correctly and the correct amount of tickets; we lose points if we don't have our name badges on, a whole range of things. Nothing to do with the pharmacist or the medication side.

It's more the shop side of the pharmacy. I hate it because she walks around tight lipped and then scores the store. Then she will leave saying yes you have passed or failed but won't tell us the total score until a few days later.

It is the most stressful thing I have ever done. Doing the audit in may I thought was the only one for the year but oh no apparently we have two as I found out last week.

And then she wants me to go to a workshop in the city to learn how to sell products and get ready for xmas. Well i dono't want to go to that, i get too anxious driving and anxious about being in a group scene. I don't want to go.

i think i may have to sit with my area supervisor and tell him how anxious i am. I spoke to my therapist this morning and he said don't make everything about yourself. I told him i am not it's jjust that i am a good worker and take pride in my work and i direct the other staff with what jobs they need to do. So if we fail it is a reflection on me. But my therapist disagrees, he says it's a job and it's up to the manager or owner of the store. he said i can only do what i can do.

i had a really good session today, laughed a lot with my therapist. he did say that what i am doing with writingn letters to my parents especially my dad for fathers day is a form of self harm. i am emotionally punishing myself. i never saw it like that.

Oh Golly Gosh @BlueBay

That woman is the wicked witch - where did they drag her up? No need to answer that

One thing I totally identify with is a picky person looking over my shoulder (or wherever) picking at me - like your scores - my mother did that - waiting for me to put a foot wrong - not getting the vegetables right, getting some ironing wrong - forgetting an ingredient - ah nonono

I would walk out on my mother - but you can't walk out of work

I think - and this is just my opinion - that this is unreasonable - certainly things have to be clean - now I think you are working for a chain - but you seem to be flat out busy at work all the time - do you have time for extras?

You have explained that well - I know you need that job right now but again you are up against something you can't deal with - and frankly - I am with you because I could not either

I agree that is it up to the Store Manager - and it's not all up to you -

But when some one says to me - you want this to be all about you - I feel angry. My feelings are all about me - I understand that

Eg - My sister was organising Dad's funeral and I wanted a little imput - after all he was my father too - and her telling me I was trying to make it all about me made me stop and think - and I never said it to her but she was making it all about her

What to do about this - well - like it's not up to you - it's your boss's problem - and you need to time to make up the store to have it spotless etc - and discuss it with your boss - let someone else do the Christmas sales course this year - you can do it next year - you do have enough on to take on more right now.

But I do know what you mean - right now the whole world is coming at you - and painful as it is - Christmas is only - less than 4 months away -

Aw - that's a bit much - as the store manager if you can have some space here - I am pretty sure you are valued - if time out to do a course was for you - it would be okay - but the lady with the list doesn't know that

I wish you the best with that -

Decadian

❤️💕 @BlueBay