Moving forward

This forum is filled with such wonderful warm people. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ right back at you @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @Former-Member

Just wrote you a long reply and lost it!! My iPad went flat. I have to go out today but wanted to let you know that I have read your lovely post and will reply this evening sometime. Have a wonderful day everyone 😀

Hi @Former-Member

I am feeling excited for your sake that your niece is having a baby next week and that you are going away for a short while to see him and welcome him into the world -

It's wonderful to read that - I love new babies - I am passed it all so I can get as clucky as I like - and my grandsons' wives keep having babies so they are arriving every-so-often - I can't help myself - I love new babies - whenever I see one I go - oooohhhhh ahhhh - how old is that one

I will never grow out of it. I think it's the tops and I wish you the best time away ever

I am sorry you are still feeling empty - I don't know what to day about that - it must be a lonely feeling -

And also - you have decisions to make about volunteering - I will be hoping all this fills that emptiness

However - when we lose something that means a lot to us - and that can be our health - it does make us feel empty - sometimes things can never be replaced - we have to find something else

Enjoy the new baby - they are so tiny and so new-born for such a short time

Sending my best thoughts

Decadian

Hi Teej,

To be honest in answer to your question things have become worse with my daughter - she has declined. She lost her job, is in financial dire straits, just stopped her medications because they put on weight and is becoming increasingly moody, angry and hostile. My husband and self are too afraid to talk with her or go near her. She is that bad.

The acute mental health team dropped her because she did not contact them enough. I know daughter has to help herself but having just recently tried a serious suicide attempt where she nearly died they should at least visit her to see how she is going. There is absolutely no help in the public system.

So we are sitting here like helpless lambs to the slaughter. I feel sorry for her but no one should have to live like we do. Afraid in our own home - not sure what to do. So tired of living like this Teej. It's short of tragic allround.

I will be going in to do my volunteer work tomorrow but not sure how long my strength will endure under these circumstances. I hope I am not adding to your burdens. It was great to read that you went on a break with a friend/family and enjoyed some time on the beach. Oh what I would give to do that, to live a normal life. I feel trapped @Former-Member. I feel for my daughter too. Hugs xx

Oh I'm so sorry @Former-Member. That is awful news. I'm wondering if you've looked on the carers forum at stories of other parents with BPD kids. I know there is a few and that this is the toughest age right now with your daughter being in full swing with full BPD. For me I identify as more as having quiet BPD which is more turning the anger on myself so I can only go on what I've read and from those I've met about what it is like for her and you. I didn't go through the extremes your daughter is.

The public system is terrible. I'm not sure I'd still be sitting here right now if I had to rely on it, however I did receive good help with them for a while but I do know they put the responsibility on the person to do all the right things. I was cut from the help I was getting after self harming (overdosing) on their premises. I very much understand you are between a rock and a very hard place. This seems like such a cruel twist of fate.

Please dont ever think you add to my burdens. No one does on here. I really wish more than anything I could help you more. Please always remember you can only do your best and you have so much heartbreak to contend with. I know it's not much consolation but I have two friends that have just endured three very tough years each with their daughters with MI. One had to keep her daughter alive through an eating disorder and one in a similar situation as you. Please keep your faith as they are both through the worst of it and no longer have to be so vigilant. They can breathe again but are forever on high alert still. It has robbed their families of a life for those very long years and the stress I have seen is immense. I sincerely hope your daughter connects the dots soon so as to genuinely seek help.I saw you complimented Kurra on being a survivor on another post. I believe you are too. Take care of you @Former-Member. More than anything you need to find a way through as you are such an amazing person with so much to live for and so much to give. Sending many hugs and best wishes 💜😊🤗💐

And from me too @Former-Member ..... hugs and a listening ear .....🌷💜

@Former-Member is right .... there are many families on the Carer's forum who are battling to look after family members with BPD issues ..... some of them are at the same stage of tearing their hair out and wondering ow they can all survive this ... others have passed through the eye of the storm and are seeing daylight again ....

It may help you to read some of their stories. Some of the carers have their own mi issues as well, or other family members who do, including partners. There is hope in that the stages of change can be seen ..... staring with denial and hostility ... and gradually moving forward through awareness, acceptance, desire for change, preparedness to embrace medication, psychological or psychiatrist support, lifestyle changes, etc ....

We have had a taste of that with my hubby's eating disorder, and had to come to terms with either leaving, or backing right off and letting him run with it, because he up is still in the denial stage, but the hostility and emotional abusive reactions had us gpfeeling exactly like that ..... held hostage in our own home ....

Here for you if you need to vent.

Lots of hugs ....

💜🌷

Thank you @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope

Beautiful post @Former-Member - I will endeavour to find a way through. I must. I will take a look at the career forum on here as the situation is dire. Thank you for your support - it's been invaluable. Thank you too @Faith-and-Hope - I will pop on and talk to you both from time to time. Thank you for your friendship in my dark time - I am there for you both too. Sending lots of love xxx

Hello dear @Kurra

Never a truer word - "we can take a horse to water but we can't make them drink". It's frustrating as I know if she listened she would improve. Just to clarify that my daughter is living at home. She does stay with her boyfriend for 3 nights of the week and I do find things are better when she is away and we chat by phone or text as you suggested (additional problem to complicate things is the bf is bad for her). I honestly believe I could help her more if she moved out as the tension would be less but she can't hold a job long enough to afford it presently.

Its true that all we can do at the moment is wait for the next crisis as she isn't trying to help herself presently. And do agree it's the best thing to do as we can't seem to influence her anymore. It's her angry volitile outbursts that is really getting to me and my husband presently. We can't rest in own homes or feel entirely safe some of the time.This is the hardest part along with the fact it's heartbreaking to see her self destruct. It's a difficult situation.

Its good to read that your children can come to you when the road gets rocky. And they are so lucky to have you. I hope I will get to that stage with my daughter as presently she is blocking us out. I will just have to wait. Thank you for being there my friend - you have been wonderful.💕 Hugs xx