Connect with people who understand what you are going through,
seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're
free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
As Monday looms I have been trying to work out how to move forward. Today I started collecting things for my coping box (thanks @Crazy_Bug_Lady). I bought some of my fave chocolates to put in and have been gathering bits and pieces. Happy for any other suggestions as to what to put in. I think I may need one for the car too. I'm thinking I may copy some pieces of wisdom from this forum and print them up to add in.
I'm hoping that I get to write more on this thread than the struggle thread as time goes by. Please feel free to add how you are moving forward as well. 💜😊
@Former-Member... I guess I'm just trying to understand myself and others more.... without having to trust another psychologist (cause they've never really worked out for me)
In response to: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
Hmm interesting @Former-Member...the one I had two years back...hopeless. I always left with a fight with partner. Really how was that helpful. He helped me a lot. She was a bit negative for me or dare I say a man hater. So nope definitely wasn't going back. The one I have now I like her..but not sure what track she's headed on. I'm hearing you. Learning from others helps to feel we are more hmm normal, the same!
In response to: Moving forward
KurraSenior Contributor
Re: Moving forward
It really is a matter of finding a psychologist who is the right fit for you. The psychologists that I'd seen earlier in my lfe were far from impressive and I could pull the wool over their eyes so easily. I could give detailed answers to their questions that actually didn't answer their questions at all but they couldn't see what I was doing. A waste of time and money.
Until I went to my current psychologist. Ive met my match. He will listen patiently to my nonsense and the say 'Now tell me the real story'. I feel comfortable with this chap and he makes me work hard. He never gives me homework but I never leave an appointment without a number of things that I realise I need to think much more deeply about. Pennies end up dropping everywhere. Working with this bloke has made a very bug difference.
Keep looking @Former-Member. There's many more fish in the sea and there's some exceptional psychologists around. 💕🎶
In response to: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
@Former-Member, you sure have struggled. Don't remember seeing your diagnosis / story, but i have C-PTSD (BPD), among other labels and it is really hard to know what you feel. I heard one person describe us as 'not knowing our needs' It makes sense that if you're not in touch with feelings properly, how can we know that we need or want? And if we don't know that, how can we ask for help? Even if there is someone we could trust. Any wonder we have trouble with relationships. And not all therapists are good in this field. My current psychologist is working at putting me in touch with feelings and personal values. Can't believe i got to this age without having that together. Better late than never. I look at my mum & wow, this can last a lifetime without. I may have married but it was horrible ( left him a many times), one psychiatrist described it - as a very unhealthy relationship. I believe life would have been much better without it, even for the children. He had an undiagnosed MI (voices, paranoia, gender confusion, childhood abuse, self diagnosed Asbergers), but for many years i idolised him and couldn't see it, thought any probs were always me - were not a good match. In retrospect i'd tell my younger self to stay single. Neither is easy. Just trying to say I hear you and youre not alone.
In response to: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
@Former-Member I worked with my last psychologist until last November. I saw her for about 15 months and for about 6months of that I saw her twice weekly, the rest was weekly. It was through the mental health team so I was very lucky. I basically had to learn the vocabulary of emotions first. Then I learned where I could feel the sensations of my emotions were in my body. I began to learn and understand triggers and what each emotion related to but I didn't cope so well and ended up in hospital every 4-6 weeks self harming. I couldn't see the big picture to save myself. She had to stop seeing me after I self harmed quite severely and then I had no support. I then spent 5 months becoming more and more suicidal until I reunited with my old therapist. She has helped so much but I am high maintenance for her too. But I guess I am seeing the light for the first time in years and connecting dots and making sense of my world. It's been through her incredible patience I can do this.
So now I understand more and yes I have triggers which still cause SI in seconds. I haven't come close to dealing with them but for now they are not happening much. Fear of failure and shame still turn me into a self harm spin but I'm getting better at these. Every week I have 3-5 days where SI is with me throughout the day, usually at least two of them I'm bedridden. The good days I begin to function but at the moment it's usually only two or three days a week this happens. I am getting better at not turning everything inwards but still can't express it outwards effectively either, thus I've ended up in crisis a fair bit on the forum. My emotions still tend to jump to the extreme negative but not extreme positive. I'm not sure if this helps @Former-Member or it counts as rambling. But this is part of me, not all because their is other stuff but this is my nuts and bolts for now.
In response to: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
Thank you so much for your reply @Former-Member. My heart breaks for you, but I relate so much too. I think you should be proud of yourself, it sounds like you've gone so far and made a hell of a lot of progress. I'm proud of you.
In response to: Re: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
And @Former-Member i struggled to find the right people to help me too. My old psychologist really was good for me even though it doesn't look like it on paper. I wouldn't be able to do the work with my current therapist had I not done the hard yards with the psychologist. I struggled to find the right fit too. As @Kurra said you know when you've found your match.
In response to: Re: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
Thanks for your kind thoughts @Former-Member. I hope this encourages you to keep going and find the right fit to help you too. I believe your future is bright🌞⭐️💜😊🤗
In response to: Moving forward
Unknown userMember
Re: Moving forward
Hi @Former-Member, you home safe & sound? Were things in order, baby dragons behave themselves? Not sure how we can get credibility & respect back from our boys, think their dad is suppose to teach them, ha, doesn't make it easy but it helps to know I'm not alone with that, and in a way its kind of normal in a broken imperfect world, just gotta manage it & not get bitter. Oh, love your purple flowers, my girl loves purple.
In response to: Moving forward
KurraSenior Contributor
Re: Moving forward
Hi @Former-Member
I can also jump to si in a flash during depressive episodes which can last up to 2 years. Over the last 3 years or so I realised that this almost instantaneous reaction to certain circumstances was actually a habitual reaction and not necessarily shall we say genuine si situation but every bit as dangerous.
I suspect we've all had a bad habit that needed changing at some point in our lives. By seeing the si reaction as a habit I then knew that this was something I could change.
By and large I am now able to push away that instantaneous reaction away by reminding myself that this was just a habit. I'm not saying that I will never go back to serious development of an si reaction but I do know that if I can't push it away, then it's really serious. 🎶💕
We're improving how you access SANE services, starting with Forums
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
