Moving forward

C'mon you .. @Former-Memberhave been down the same road when it all becomes about 'how I feel' .. it may sound horrible, but, where you always like that? and I'm sure you have good reasons, but I am also sure that you are a strong person. I find the 'do what someone else would do' in same situation thing useful sometimes, Don't deny the World the True You

Thanks @Former-Member. I knew today I'd repeat old patterns and tried to avoid them but it happened anyway so I'm a bit mad at myself. Not really sure why but feeling a bit wound up. I guess you just made me think what's really going on with me. If I seriously look back at today I had some biggish triggers and stresses for me. One was the elusive fear of abandonment one from my therapist, my total over reaction to something and then stressing a bit over my parents getting home safely after dads stroke. They've had to have their caravan towed and mum having to drive a manual. This afternoon the GP gave me the diagnosis for my son of depression and a mental health care plan and a referral for him to see a counsellor at headspace. Lastly I had to drive through the storm to pick my son up early from footy practice because lightening struck next to the oval they were training on, they think it hit the light pole. But I think I was confused before all this happened, maybe it's just kept me going in circles. I think I'll have to take your advice and try to take the pressure off tonight. I hope your back is ok. 💜😊

Thanks @Kurra, @Former-Member @TAB I will have to write it down. I always say I will then get distracted but I really want to kick some of this. I guess in its own weird and wonderful way just writing it here and having your thoughts come back helps to break the cycle and think a bit more logically about it. I think just writing my response to @Former-Member helped me see through the fog for a bit. But I know that I need to find some direction with therapy and therefore my life currently as it seems to have lost direction. Monday's session was just me rambling and I left feeling frustrated. I think I need that direction a bit more than I'm getting.

Hey @TAB ive never been encouraged to do CBT until I get my emotional regulation in control. I've always been tipped over the edge too quickly, well maybe until now 😊 We'll see...but I get what you were saying. Slowly heading towards that. 😊💜

..hmm .. good point, got to chat to each of them in a roundabout ph call prob few months ago, they had just moved to new city, so maybe put them a bit out there.I do remember their father seeming very impressed that they wanted to talk though .. in the past there was always at least one that couldn't be bothered.. famblies a funny thing.. even for uncles @utopia

ok @Former-Member I'll back off ..sorry.. but remember it maybe.. dunno you and me in the desert together or at war with whoever, dunno if emotional regulation comes into that. What is normal life anyway? people move to the corners or stand up when they have to ..apparently.. and I'm probably saying this to myself and the whole 'mental health industry'..

You know @TAB. I so desperately used to want to be normal but I've lost that ambition now. Now I just want to be me but I don't know who that is which is the really tricky bit. Lost many memories of life prior to 5 years ago although some of it is coming back now slowly. Ive lost complete trust in myself and I don't have an old self to fall back on. Soooo now I am obsessed with so many questions about how to make a person. And i know I'm obsessed. A while ago I had no faith in this world but I guess it's slowly being restored. My point - put me in the desert now and I'd go hunting for a death adder, put me in war and I'd steal your gun and finish it but maybe in the future I'd have the strength and power to help you AND I get through the seemingly impossible. Sorry for my seriousness, it's just where I am today💜😊