My Mosaic

I get it @Bow I really do. I've lost a LOT of people over the years. That's precisely why this way of thinking has been such a vital part of my growth. Because it was a self-fulfilling prophecy - the more I panicked about losing friends, the more I clutched at people to stay, and that in itself became the thing that drove people away.

If you get a chance to read it, I'd 100% recommend it because it might help you see the perspective a bit better, and not hurriedly summed up by me in a brief text post, haha. I can totally understand feeling like you can't get your self-worth from within if it feels like its not there. It's something that took me a number of years to build for myself. And one way that I did that was to focus more on the things I valued in myself, rather than the people who did not see that value, and decided to leave.

Ahh dang, that sucks. Covid really ruined so many things hey! Could be worth putting out some feelers again, now that we're not restricted so much. And surely there'd be mum's groups for kids of all ages, right? It's not like parents just stop needing community and support once their kids reach school age!

I don’t really panic about losing friends anymore @Jynx i just don’t bother anymore. I don’t see the point in being vulnerable with people when they just run a mile anyways.
I see a very lonely future and honestly who wants that?? I won’t let it drag much longer

Mm perhaps because of how much hurt you've experienced, your brain just shut down that emotional response @Bow. As tough as it is to open up and be vulnerable with people though, it could really make a big difference for your mental health if you kept at it. It'd be hard not to see a lonely future, but it's never too late to create meaningful connections with people, even if it starts out feeling really difficult and uncomfortable. It will get easier, starting is often the hardest part.

I appreciate your words @Jynx and your time. You’ve always showed so much empathy towards myself and others on here and for that I’m grateful for. I wish I had more strength. I wish I had the hope that you hold. I don’t though. And I never will. I know not everyone will understand why people like me do what we do. I just want peace.

@Bow thank you for saying, it warms me to know that my efforts are felt. I'm trying my best to be there for folks in the ways that I once needed. My therapist said to me the other day, "People don't need help, they need love," and I really felt that. I only know most folks here by their usernames, but I still love them, yourself included.

I will keep holding onto hope for you Bow. I also found this post a couple weeks ago, seems relevant:

I think the very fact that you're still here means there is still hope within you, even if you can't see or feel it. I wish I could send you more than this biiiiig virtual hug, but it's what I got in this forumland 💜

Sending lots of hugs with lots of light and hope today goes a little better 💛 @Bow

fluffylight x

I’ve come down to see my CM. She is running late. I get emergencies happen. But I haven’t seen her in over 3 weeks. It’s a huge effort to get here this morning.

don’t wanna be here anymore

Hi @Bow

I want to acknowledge the effort you've taken to be there, I definitely struggle with attending appointments so much so that I avoid them altogether.

Holding space for you, you got this 💛

fluffylight x

@Bow 💜💜