My Mosaic

I am so angry and disappointed. Again.

was asleep on the couch and there is a knock on the door and the dog starts barking. I answer the door to a lady saying she was from the place my support worker is from.

what an absolute shit show. She basically said my SW down south isn’t my SW anymore she’s not coming back and that my new SW has had to take personal leave and she was here to see how I was in the mean time. What the hell???? Why are they so bloody terrible at communicating changes to people???? Why wasn’t I told about this woman turning up?!? She couldn’t stay long. Why even come??

I sent a text to my old old SW, she was the team leader but is now team leading a different office and said I could always call or text her. I told her what had happened and she ended up calling. I cried on the phone to her and she offered to call the team leader or manager to try and work out what was going on.

The manager called. She explained that my SW is trialling for 4 working remotely down south and she’ll still be my worker but I’ll be allocated another worker to do all the supports but she’s on leave. And she listed off all the workers at our office and asked if I wanted to meet another one so I knew more people cause all of this could change all over again and I might get someone else and I said no. No u don’t want to meet anyone else. And I vented to her saying this was bloody ridiculous and not good enough. She was like what worker would you like then and I told her my old worker. And she asked if I’ve worked with her before and I said yes and she asked when. And I proceeded to tell her earlier in the year before y’all came in and changed it all around and when I put in a complaint that I emailed to her because I need consistent reliable workers none of this constant chopping and changing. Apparently she doesn’t remember the email complaint I made and then the one I made above her. For fuck sake. I then hung up in her. She tried calling back and then sent me a text saying she thinks the call cut is out.

what an absolute mess. It’s so ridiculous. Seriously just a pawn in their game, they really don’t care if they just toss us all around like a sack of garbage. I’m so angry.

I am sorry all that happened today @Bow you really do deserve some consistency in your support. This isn’t right.

i hope you sleep well.

Thanks @Eve7 have just crawled into bed in tears after tucking D in- late tonight but whatever been curled up on the couch all evening getting pains in my chest. Hopefully I’ll be asleep soon. Got psychologist in the morning and don’t wanna go. Can’t be bothered don’t care. Walls have gone up.

hope your ok? Sleep well

Thanks @Bow

Just another night here. Going to bed soon.

@Bow

That’s awful. I’m so sorry. It makes sense that you’re angry. It would be painful regardless, but them not communicating with you, not seeming to realise the distress this is causing, and not remembering how much it hurt you before would add so much extra pain. I understand why putting walls up and not caring would feel protective right now. I’m hoping that sharing about with us here helps you feel heard and seen. 💛

Hi @Bow

I'm sorry once again about what happened with your supports. Just when you think it can't get worse, it does. I'd be putting those walls up too.

How did you go with the psych today? Did you make it there?

Thank you @Snowie @Wintersweet

yes I went to my psych appointment. Really really didn’t wanna go, feeling frozen and mute a lot of the time. But I was late. And then he always takes him time to come down from the upstairs offices. Think, well no? He could tell things weren’t ok. How many different times and ways can a person ask what’s up, what’s changed before I can find the words? Very simply said there’s family dramas? Got my sleep study results and support workers are all messed up and shit. Told him I’m over it and where my head is at.

He wanted to go down the route of needing to draw on my internal resources. thought no that’s not it for today stupid. Not what I need. Talked about how unsafe I’ve been feeling and in what ways. It was all slow talking. Shut down alot with tears. He tried to help me ground, but it was real hard commuting what was in my head to my mouth to make words. He suggested a walk. I reluctantly agreed. We mostly just walked in silence. He recognized that I was in shut down mode and dissociating.

he left me to drive home after what I disclosed to him. Oh well.

thats about it. Haven’t heard from SW today. Probably just rid of me. Easier that way.

Well done on going to the psych @Bow You should be proud of yourself for showing up.

It's hard when shutdown mode comes upon us. Getting words out can be really difficult.

You got some of it out, thats better than nothing.

Have you got much planned for the rest of the day?

Hi @Bow

Thank you for sharing a bit about what's been going on for you today. It sounds like today's appointment took a lot. From what you've shared it sounds like you let your psychiatrist know some of what you've been carrying. That's not easy and I recognise how exhausting and hard it is to navigate, i'm sorry to hear things have been hard today.

I noticed you mentioned not hearing from your support worker today, it's really difficult when feeling like you're left to manage it all on your own.

You shared you've been feeling unsafe, so I wanted to check in and see how you're doing now. Are you safe? If you're feeling at risk of immediate danger please call 000, or crisis services-Lifeline on 131 11 14, or Suicide Call back Service on 1300 659 467.

Thank you again for sharing your experience, we are here with you and I hope you continue connecting with the community and reaching out for support.

Wonderingalice1

Thanks @Snowie nothing on for the rest of the day. Just curled up on the couch being lazy.

thanks @wonderingalice1 trying to be safe. It’s hard. But on the couch under a blanket. I want to sleep.