My Mosaic

Good lesson for d to learn @Bow . I’m sorry about the muck around you’ve been getting.

My day has been ok @Wintersweet and I’ve just returned from training so planning to start a uni assignment soon.

Hi @Bow I'm glad your D is ok and didn't hurt herself. Sometimes they do learn the hard way. I'm sure you've told her numerous times not to swing on the chair. I hope the chair is fixable.

Hi @Wintersweet Been a hard day. Took mum out this morning (which actually went ok). Just struggling with some things atm.

@Bow

That sounds like a lovely colour combo!

My days been a bit rough. I know I’m struggling, I can’t work out why.

@Snowie sorry you’ve had a hard day too. Hope you’re able to get some sleep and that tomorrow is a little easier 💛 Same to you @Bow

@Eve7 I’m glad your day was ok. How did working on the uni assignment go?

Sigh. I don’t know what words to use. I’m frustrated. My world feels so unstable and unpredictable and I’m feeling really lost.

i seen my gp this morning. I think I let out a big sigh as I sat down in the chair next to her desk. She is the one constant. She’s the one available if I really need her and am desperate. But was I said and the way she saw things today didn’t match the turmoil that’s going on inside. My electrolytes bloods were fine, I’m still genuinely shocked. But a couple of liver function tests she’s been keeping an eye on are still elevated. They have been going up and down which is a good thing, on the steady up is bad. Will retest in a couple of months.

No SW again today. She messaged me this morning to let me know ANOTHER DIFFERENT SW would call me today while she is temporarily down south. Sigh. Not another new one. This other one texted to let me know she was offering support for our office and whether I wanted a call or a home visit tomorrow? No. No I don’t. I don’t know you. I’ve never heard of you before. Some will say well you gotta start somewhere in order to get to know someone, but do they not remember how destabilizing another new person is????? How long is temporarily???? I thought that office was to close down? They didn’t get their funding renewed. After the conversation I had with my old SW yesterday she said that she would come and do a home visit when she had the time. None of this is feeling ok. None of this is feeling safe.

I’ve got my psychologist tomorrow. I’m nervous as heck about that cause I know I have failed in his eyes and his gonna be pushy.

Friday I am due to see my interim CM and I wanna know what’s going on with my actual CM. Has she left??

so tired of all this. I’ve got all this support but it’s all shit cause it’s constantly chopping and changing and I’m never getting anywhere.

@Bow

Your frustration is valid. Not knowing what’s going on is really destabilising. Suddenly having people changed on you is really destabilising. And it makes sense that you’d feel really conflicted about blood test results that don’t look too bad when you feel awful. More than that, it makes sense that the disconnect could leave you feeling unheard/unseen/unsupported. Am I remembering rightly that you have an appointment coming up with the dietician? Hopefully they’re able to recognise how hard things have been food-wise and work with you to provide some support.

On the changes/uncertainty with your support, would it help to write down your questions for your interim CM? I’m not suggesting that’ll make it all ok! But sometimes having the things contained on a piece of paper helps me a little.

Also I’m sorry that seeing the psychologist tomorrow is such a source of anxiety. Would you be able to write something down for him too, explaining how things have been and what you need from him? I know you mentioned that finding the words is hard right now, so I’d understand if that wasn’t possible. I just really want him to hear you! It shouldn’t be on you to make him listen of course, but I remember you saying that writing things sometimes helps you get across what you want to say.

I also want to pre-emptively apologise for anything that doesn’t feel like I’ve understood or anything that doesn’t feel helpful. I want you to know that I’m listening (though I might not be able to reply quickly) and I care. I also recognise that you’ve got the most experience on what is and isn’t helpful for you. If you just need space to talk more about how rubbish it feels, that’s ok!

@Snowie

I hope today was a little kinder to you than yesterday was. Thinking of you.

@Eve7

Hope that whatever you were up to today went well for you.

@Bow @Snowie and @Eve7

Thinking of you all today.

Hi @Wintersweet thanks for the thoughts

I hope today is being kind to you

Hey @Bow I'm sorry about the turmoil with your supports hon. It certainly isn't helpful for you.

I hope you made it to your psych appt. today and that it was helpful

Leaving some 💕💕 for you both

Hi @Snowie @Wintersweet @Eve7

thinking of yall and hoping your days got off to a good start.

i managed to get to my psychologist appointment this morning but i really struggled with words. We talked stuff, i tried really hard to take things in but was rather distracted by what was in my head. At the end he commented about how I was a little bit more relaxed compared to when i walked in- said he notices these things. I said yep, didn’t wanna be here today. Eventually said cause id failed on most things.he said but you did one thing… and you need to start noticing that stuff cause I apparently shut it down more often.

need to give myself permission

i need to choose healthy.

but that’s all hard. Sigh.

@Wintersweet yes I’ve booked a dietitian appointment, not until the 28th though. I usually send her an email before hand to catch her up with how things have been which I find really helpful.

I didn’t write stuff down for this morning, just went in as I was and I had zero expectations cause I really didn’t have capacity for much else. I see my interim CM tomorrow, will see how I go tonight about writing stuff down. I primarily want to know if my CM has left.

text from this other random SW.

oh and text from my foster Coordinator. I send her a text a couple of weeks ago and didn’t get a reply. Thought maybe she wasn’t happy with me and my last lot of fosters. But sent her another one yesterday just following up. She missed the last text, but has put me down on the kitty list. Kitten season will be starting soon, so hopefully some fluffy beans to love shortly.

how is your day?

Well done on making it to your psych appt. @Bow I know how hard that can be for you.

Glad you've made a dietitian appt., even if it is still awhile away.

Hoping you can have a bit of a rest/relax this afternoon.