My Mosaic

Thank you @Snowie @Wintersweet your support and encouragement means a lot.

snowie, I only gave the pathology lady 2 or my 3 forms. I still need to fast and withhold one of my meds for the other form.

I do have some craft to do today. But I’m waiting for some paint markers to arrive tjat I ordered yesterday on Amazon. They should arrive today. But a nap also sounds very nice. I’m tired. Not much energy. And it’s cold. So crawling into bed sounds very tempting at the moment.

how are you both?

@Bow

Would love to see what you do with the paint markers when they arrive if you feel like sharing. A nap while you wait for them to be delivered sounds nice. What craft are you thinking of?

I have a psych appointment later and I’m trying to manage the anxiety that’s coming up. Lots of naming objects I can see, breathing through the waves of fear, etc. until I’m calm enough to try and focus on what I’m meant to be doing again.

Least you got 2 out of 3 done @Bow I still have to do the fasting one too.

Ohh I love Amazon, especially with their next day deliver.

Managed to take mum to supermarket this morning and then for a coffee. Came home and have been sprawled on the couch ever since. Everyone is out so no pretending.

@Wintersweet I hope your psych appt. goes well

@Snowie

Glad that the morning is over for you and you don’t have to mask the exhaustion. Well done for getting through your time with her and thank you for wishing me well with the psych appointment.

@Snowie I’m glad you managed to get out with your mum and back home without too many issues I hope? And being sprawled out on the couch sounds like the best way to spend the rest of the day. I’m a big fan of Amazon next day delivery! And I got an absolute bargain, the paint pens I got are around $8 each at office works, I got 6 for $23! Just have to keep them hidden from daughter.

@Wintersweet my paint markers arrived and I made a start on an art piece I have been working on. I will post a pic of it once I’ve finished. I hope your psych appointment went ok? And I can totally relate to all that anxiety building in the lead up to it. I have a psych appointment at 9am tomorrow and with my usual anxiety around going plus my physical capacity at the moment I’m really not sure how I’m going to get myself there.

i ended up napping on the couch this afternoon and daughter woke me as she barged through the door! I was really shaken and attempted to check in with her about her day before she rushed off and I ended up going back to sleep. Felt bad. But she was fine. I’ve just had a shower, I’m disgusted at how long it had been again and now I’m wrecked. Got a lot of nausea tonight too.

@Bow

Looking forward to seeing what you do with the paint markers!

My psych appointment was a bit jumbled and I’m still spinning a bit. Hence short sentences and fragmented thoughts, but wanted to reply.

Is there anything you want to write down for your psych after last week? I know it was pretty overwhelming as he didn’t seem to be recognising where you were at/was pushing ahead with other things when you needed help finding some stability first. I get that it might feel like too much to try and explain that. Would it be possible to write down something about how things have been and what you think you need and ask him to read that at the start of the session? Again, would totally understand if that’s too much. It also makes sense that even getting to the appointment feels hard. When is your SW next visiting?

It was thoughtful of you to try and check in with D even though you’d been so startled by her barging in.

The shower would have taken a lot of effort and I want to recognise that, especially given the feelings surrounding it and how you’re feeling physically. That sense of disgust would be really upsetting and I’m sorry that’s there for you. “Well done” doesn’t feel like a strong enough response to that achievement but I don’t have better words right now.

Feeling wrecked and nauseous would be really miserable. I’m hoping you’re able to get some sleep. 💛

Hi @Wintersweet

Well done for getting through your psych appt. I hope it helped, even in a small way.

@Bow Ended up ordering of Amazon last night!!

I hope your psych appt. goes well this morning.

💕💕

@Snowie

Thanks 😊

Hope today is a good one for you 💛

I’m just useless and a failure. I didn’t get to my appointment this morning. I know he would have seen me as a failure cause I hadn’t done anything that he said. I just don’t think he understands eating disorders, he is basically just saying to eat and I just don’t have the capacity to sit with that at the moment. If it was that simple, that easy,… we wouldn’t be here.

I checked for my blood results last night and they are fine… at least the ones that are linked to my ED and I am genuinely shocked that they are as good as they are. Like I don’t understand how??? Just another failure. Very invalidating. Sigh

D is home sick today. She often gets a winter cough. She doesn’t have asthma, but with this cough she needs ventolin and a preventative. Even though mum is here she was the excuse I used for not getting to my appointment. Oh well.

I want to sleep. I’m tired. Physically and mentally. Drained and depleted. Living is exhausting and I’m tired of it.

Hey @Bow

Sorry to hear you didn't get to your appt. hon. Sometimes it can be in the too hard basket and thats ok.

I hope you were able to have a nap or at least have some rest.