Thanks @Snowie @Wintersweet
my psychologist appointment was rough. He straight away got into what we talked about last week and whether I was able to do any of the things discussed. I said no. And he asked why. What got in the way. So I explained what happened at my sleep study with being weighed and that things have just spiraled since then. He basically said I will need to get better at managing my triggers cause there are going to be all sorts of things that will end up triggering me. I just nodded.
We then talked about what kind of things have worked in the past to help me I guess work towards my goals. And that’s then we phenomenally we decided to write down some meal plans and what exercise I felt was acceptable. This is where things got really challenging. I’m basically starting at the bottom. The very bottom. I eat a small amount of dinner. That’s it. From previous efforts, often working with my dietitian, I know what foods are generally manageable and safe. I wrote down toast and juice for breakfast. Easy and predictable. Lunch is always a cheese sandwich and/or an up and go. If I managed that any day of the week that would be successful and my dietitian would be heaps proud. And she wouldn’t be at all fussed if that’s what I had every day for a long time. At least it’s something. But today. Today my psychologist is like we need to add variety. Can we add oats and yoghurt for breakfast. Can we add something else to your sandwich. How do you feel about ready made meals? Aldi have some great ones. He talked a lot about protein and feeling fuller.
And while I was writing stuff down his like oh hang on a minute and pulls out this piece of paper. It’s like a commitment agreement. Like pick a goal. What might get in the way? Thoughts, feelings, sensations etc. And SIGN at the bottom.
i really appreciate that he is willing to allow me to talk about my ED. It is a huge part of me. And I can see how some things can be helpful and things being helpful later on down the track. But not now. Not yet. ED recovery is so slow. It’s small steps. Small wins.
I took my art folder in too cause I did a couple of drawings and he didn’t ask about it or give me the opportunity to show him. So it went unseen.
TW eating disorder and SI talk.
Content/Trigger warning: Eating disorder and SI talk
My SW came by not long after I got home. And I felt really seen and validated. I told her about my sleep study and what has happened since. I went over some of the things from my psychology session and even she understood how all that stuff is too soon. She told me that she’s previously worked with someone who had atypical anorexia, which was such a relief. He was heaps interested, asked lots of questions, I explained how it all started and some of the bad experiences I’ve had. Was even brave enough, although very hesitantly shared around how some of my ED is very closely linked into a way out of this life. How passing from a complication of an eating disorder would be more acceptable than ending this life myself. I don’t tell many people that. It’s something I keep close. But she understood. Which I appreciated so much.
I have an appointment with my interim CM tomorrow and then going to meet my SW again for a cuppa.
thats me. I spent the rest of the afternoon working on 2 new piece of art for market. Should be able to finish them tomorrow so I can take them on Saturday.
how was your days?
