My Mosaic

@Snowie

Calisthenics is really cool! I’ve not seen much of it but what I have seen is fascinating!

While in tassie my brother had a visit to the ED cause he was sick, X-rays were done, which his gp got results of and wanted to see him. Brother seen his go today. Disease is progressing.

Had his chemo bloods done today, no chemo tomorrow cause his platelets are too low.

waves of sadness.

told mum if she wants to head back down at any time to just go. But she was like you really struggled last time. I said yeah I did. But I survived. Feeling like I have to just keep everything inside. Put that mask on better so people don’t see anything. That it’s not ok for me to be struggling with my own stuff when my brother is facing this.

@Bow I'm sorry about your brother and the latest health update and his news. Must be hard for you all.

If your mother does go back down, is there a way you can get increased support from CH? Can your SW increase the days she comes to see you, making sure you have regular psych appointments. Even if it can help a little.

I know the feeling, but what you are struggling with is in no way lessened b/c of your brother. You still have the right to feel the way you do.

Yeah I can get extra support from both CH and my SW, they were pretty good last time @Snowie im already really struggling though my ED is very loud and I’m just letting it go

@Bow extra support would be good. Perhaps letting them know it might be happening would be good.

I'm sorry about your ED hon. Wish I could help.

My new SW is coming to visit tomorrow morning I think @Snowie She touched base today and asked how my sleep study went. Told her it was interesting, hard and triggering. She said we could talk about it tomorrow.

Thing is, it’s starting the whole ED talk with someone new. Again. I’m always so very hesitant in talking about it cause I just never know how people are going to respond. Will she even get it? Will she take the time to try and understand. There is so much shame linked to it. I’m not sure how much she already knows either. She is a person in a larger body and the first I’m am to receive support from. I am always worried that if I say I am fat and yuck will they think I think that about them too? If that makes sense? Sorry if it doesn’t.

im really struggling tonight and I feel awful about that which just makes it feel worse

sorry

I'm glad you SW is coming tomorrow Bow

It makes sense what you are saying about your ED and discussing it with your new SW. How we see ourselves and how we see others, both physically and mentally, can be completely different.

Even though it's probably scary, I guess all you can do is mention it to her and see how she responds.

I'm sorry your struggling hon. I get that.

Thanks @Snowie I really appreciate you.

at least she knows I am struggling and hopefully she leads in a way that will enable me to feel comfortable enough to talk.

I’ll be very peopled out tomorrow cause I’m catching up with my friend tomorrow afternoon too.

you keeping warm?

I appreciate you too @Bow

You are going to have a busy day hon. I hope the catch up with your friend goes well. Do you talk to her at all about your MH?

Im snuggled up in bed so nice,and warm. Have got the dog snoring next to me!!

I can hear the rain on the roof.

That sounds nice and cozy @Snowie

im on the couch with a blanket and the cat asleep next to me. I messaged the cat foster coordinator today to see if they had any kittens in need of some extra loving…. Haven’t heard back.

I mention some stuff to my friend but not too much. She talks a lot. Which is fine.