My Mosaic

@Bow

I’m glad the psych was understanding about the self-loathing. I’m sorry that you’ve been so misunderstood in the past. Hopefully he can work with you to decide what to try, knowing that it won’t be easy and giving you support with that.

I don’t want to say what type of research I do for the sake of anonymity if someone who knows me comes across the forums. Thanks for being understanding that I might not want to share, I really appreciate it.

My guinea pigs live indoors but I don’t let them free roam much as I wouldn’t be able to stay on top of the mess. They have a pretty big enclosure though so they are able to run around if they want.

All the best for the sleep study!

@Snowie

It’s really difficult having people you love but not feeling that you can share the hard things with them. I’m sorry that your mum has never been someone who would let go of her own ideas so she can be there for you.

I’m really glad H can go with you tomorrow. I can imagine many way that it would invoke dread though. I think I’d be feeling the same if it were me. Is there anything that helps you get through situations like that or is it just a case of pushing through and then trying to recover after?

Thanks @Bow

Never had any close friends growing up either.

I had fried rice and chicken for tea. Made a big batch the other day so kids had it too.

I have never had tuna monary.

I would be taking my own pillow too. Not sure how I'd go without coffee though! Be very grumpy.

I always have to wash my hair before ECT. Can be really annoying and just feels like a chore. Least it will be done.

Hi @Wintersweet

It's more like pushing through. I try and not stew about it beforehand but never seems to work. H knows what it's like for me so that does help a bit.

Have you got much on for the rest of the week?

@Snowie

Not having close friends growing up would have made it even harder. I know how much I struggled for the years as a child/teenager that I didn’t have any close friends and wasn’t able to rely on my parents for help.

I can see how it would be a “try not to think about it and just push through” kind of thing. I’m sorry it’s like that for you though. Do you have any go-to distractions when you’re trying not to think about things like that?

I’ve got a fair bit on for the rest of the week that I’m hoping will keep me from thinking too much about the things that I’m better off not ruminating on by myself. I know they’ll still sneak their way in though!

I’m getting an iron infusion tomorrow so I’ll probably be pretty achey on the weekend but it’ll be worth it if it helps with my sleep. Apparently the threshold for it affecting sleep is about double the threshold for being considered iron-deficient! I’ve ended up with a busy Saturday too so I’m trying to see that as a distraction from the post-infusion aches.

Even now I don't have friends @Wintersweet I blame myself mainly. I've pushed so many people away.

I'm hoping tonight goes ok and there are a few people there. More people means I don't have to interact with my brother as much. Guess we will just see how it goes.

I hope your iron transfusion goes ok today and it ends up helping you.

Hey @Bow Wishing you well for your sleep study hon, hoping things go ok and you manage to get some sleep in a strange place!

@Snowie

It can be really hard to not push people away. I don’t blame you.

Hoping you’re right and having a lot of people around acts as a buffer between you and your brother.

It’s unfortunately been the case from the majority of medical people and even some friends that I have been brave enough to tell…. But won’t do so again @Wintersweet they see me in this larger body and when I tell them I have a diagnosis of anorexia (atypical to be exact) they roll their eyes, question me, ignore me and tell me to just eat.

that’s totally ok about your work. Completely understand!

id imagine your little guinea pigs could make a fair bit of mess if let to roam. My first pet was a little black rabbit.

your having an iron infusion, is that something you have often?

i am getting rather anxious about going to my sleep study. Too many unknowns.

Hey @Snowie

not long been home from going and having a cuppa with my new SW. anxiety was super high, but got through it. But she made me feel safe and comfortable. We talked about lotsa things.

I need to shower and pack for tonight, but my anxiety is getting in the way. Stupid thing.

how are you?

Glad your SW made you feel that way @Bow Hopefully thats a good sign of things to come.

I can understand that anxiety hon, so many things you cannot have answers too.

I hope it works out ok.

I keep having flashbacks. I know it's b/c of tonight.