I've had really bad day yesterday & today

Dear @Former-Member

Now I realise that you have had a long experience of your SIL. She has had plenty of opportunity to be open, friendly and sisterly. It seems she has had a lot of hospitality and generosity from your whole family.

The Anthropologist Robert Sapolski distinguuishes 2 types of social behaviour

Altruism

Contest

We may need to be able to do both behaviours, but some personalities are locked into one more than the other.

When Altruistic types meet Contest driven types ...

I am learning to challenge my christian upbringing and putting up boundaries and learning to call a contest when I bump into one.

Have you also seen the DOPE test - Dove Owl Peacock Eagle - it is just a bout personities .. someone posted about it on the site ages ago.

Take care

@ocean girl that is really nice to have your nieces love. Children 'see' others, adults. They would 'see' their mother too. As much as I try to flip the coin and see how this person must feel, it sometimes become's detriment to our own wellbeing. I honestly believe some people we naturally connect with, others are a challenge.

Hi @Former-Member

Yes, no matter what you will be okay. We have all our love to give and all our life to live - with those who value and respect us. That's my stance.

And yes you are a good, caring person and those who don't respect you as they should will in the end realise "it was their loss". That is what you need to realise my friend. Go out into the world and enjoy your life - there are many out there feeling the same way who are looking for you. As you get to know others consistently (sometimes a little push is required), we learn to discern who we can trust and that's when we let others in - and only them.

It sounds like your SIL problems have been happening since day one. She may have a personality disorder or may be just plain nasty and manipulative. Wanting her own way. Don't feel hurt that she doesn't accept you - she isn't worthy of you!! I think this is a good distinction to make as when others inflict feelings of worthlessness in us by treating us disrespectfully after we having been caring and respectful, we tend to think we lack value because we weren't accepted or respected by them. No my friend - "that is SIL's lack of character, integrity and "weakness". Don't be hurt - on the contrary, feel good to be free of her as she has been a weight around your neck for too long - and feel good about the fact that you are moving onto better relations and environment. It's "her loss" and also "your brothers loss" which "he will see in the long run".

Are you also experiencing problems with your parents? - or is it because they support and accept SIL too much even though she treats them bad? They are probably accepting and supportive for your brothers sake only - SIL has them were she wants them. Losing a child is the greatest pain one could experience. They may be vulnerable. Scared of been distanced from your brother. But yes, they should stand up respectfully to her more also. We can't allow ourselves to be doormats - that's as bad as for our spirits and mental health as inflicting hurt. Both is weakness. I do feel for your parents.

Could you describe to me what you are going through physically again? An endocrinologist can help treat effectively women going through menopause and other such imbalances. This helped me tremendously (I suffered anxiety/depression/memory loss etc - this part HRT corrected, but I also had other issues to work through, multiple actually). I found natural alternatives were not enough for me. I have been on HRT for a few years now and never had a problem. I intend to never go off them - another topic.

Am here for you when you feel up to talking more. Sending warm hugs 🙅❤️

I am feeling a bit better today, I went for a walk this afternoon with a friend @Former-Member . I think I will be okay too- sometimes I get a bit wobbly but I think we all do at times.

I'm not experiencing problems with my parents but I do feel for them. I know my parents don't say anything to her because they don't want to lose my brother but to be honest I think he may see their actions as love for him and he may actually feel supported. In some ways I see my brother trying to buy her love. My SIL doesn't like what he does for a living and without this they would have no money. My brother became a Dad at 20 years old and I think he was 21 by the time the baby was born. I do love my brother very much and this as really affected me and my parents.

Thank you for you advice and guidance- I really appreciate this. I'm slowly trying to build a life for myself. I think the next 18 months will be really important for me and trying lay a good foundation for my future. You are right when we are not treated right it tends to affect our self worth and confidence but like you said it is more about them and what type of person they are. I have always tried to live a life with intergrity and to be someone who keeps their word. And I am proud of the person I am and becoming.

I have a few health problems but they are fairly stable. Since having the depression- I've had liver problem which as all cleared up. Plus I have hypertension and renal problem. But my main problem atm is my hormones and getting this managed. As you have explained about your depression, anxiety and memory problem @Former-Member - what as helped that the most? I'm really struggling with the memory problem and I am having cognitive testing on Tuesday. From their I will let you know of the results.

I hope you had a nice day. Hope to hear from you soon .

Thanks so much for your message @Appleblossom. I'll look up this information and just try to continue building a good life for myself. I think that is the key. I hope you had a nice day

It was good to hear from you @Former-Member . You have so much insight and I think its important that you surround yourself with people that energize and make you feel good about yourself. I intend to do the same thing and to focus on building a good life and I think that is the key. I know I am not perfect and I have my faults too but I am mostly aware of them and I don't feel the need to put others down but only to support them to be the best version of themselves, I think that is all we can do.

I think in the past I have put other people first at my own detriment and wellbeing. I never realize how special and unqiue I was and how much I had to offer. I will no longer be putting others first all the time I am going to start to look at finding the balance more.

Maybe you confront people because you are so honest and some people don't like this. I will always make decisions that are sensible and wise and with intergrity that is just me. And like yourself I will not stuck in a box either and I will not conform either I think its because I have such a strong will and also because I am a very strong person too. I need to find more of this and be true to myself. I think when I am not being true to myself it causes me anxiety and stress.

I'm having a better day today, thank god. I hope you are having a nice night

Thank you so much for your warm message @Former-Member. I am glad, I am feeling better too. I think it was the walk I had this afternoon that really helped and it was nice to have some company. I am lucky to have such wonderful and caring and loving parents.

I do have a bond with my brother that is very close and passionate about sport. I love him very much and nothing and noone will ever change that. I'll let u know how I go on Tuesday with my tests.

Hi @Former-Member

Good to read that you enjoyed your walk with a friend and that you do have such a good relationship with your parents. You are lucky in this regard - my mother has hurt me yet again for no reason. And I am not giving her even yet another chance, she has lost me this time and this is her loss.

What helped me most with menopausal anxiety, depression and memory loss at the time? HRT for sure - the endocrinologist also picked up a thyroid disorder (hashimotto) and treated that as well (sometimes thyroid and hormones go hand in hand for some - one puts the other out). But the HRT was the key to helping me. It does not have to be a long term treatment - it varies from woman to woman how long they are on it for. Most, like me feel so good on HRT they don't want to come off it.

Memory loss is a common symptom of menopause. Good luck with your tests tomorrow. Hugs x

Sorry to hear about the thing with your mother @Former-Member ....

Some mothers never learn ....

💗💕