Somethings wrong

@destructive If you could read what I wrote in my diary yesterday, you would be tickling boxes everywhere, as I am reading your post.

I am sorry life has treated you, and me, so badly, that we can’t put the blame where it belongs. But I am going to tell you that you are worth every bit of help, hope and comfort, available, and if that’s only here online for now, we are right beside you.

Sending a virtual hug, hoping that’s ok with you, they are the only ones I can accept, but you don’t have to, if it’s at all invasive. Sitting with you. 💙💙

@destructive Never feel you are a burden....you are worthy....

come in here anytime and let it all out.... there are so many of us here going thru the same thing... fighting the same demons... feeling the same way.... never feel afraid to let it all out...

we are all here to listen... to support you.... to hold your hand... to sit and hold you if needed... or just sit quietly and be there

sending virtual hugs your way 💕💕💕

Thanks @Lostandalone

I was thinking about it this arv and why that boiled to a head. It does often though I guess but particularly at the moment because I reached out to my therapist by emailing some stuff that I didn't really realise what I had written until her response and then I felt over exposed and stupid. Then also I am having to decide about changing GP. It's gotten too hard to get to my usually one now I'm back at work and have a little one (she's 30 mins ago). She's been my GP for years and knows that I just can't always talk and I don't feel like she judges me. I'm terrified of having to find a new one. My therapist has found someone for me she thinks would be a good fit so it's not about searching but about that meeting, getting to know her, whatever and having to leave the security of my old one. I have an appointment with the current one Friday and I need to tell her I need to change but I'm terrified. I'm worried I'll regret it. I want to maybe keep both for a while. Like see this new lady for a few small things or something first to kinds of test her out before fully deciding. I don't know. If anyone has any thoughts, ideas, experiences that would help I'd appreciate it.

Sitting in the car out front of therapy appointment in 6 mins and having some panic. Don't know why o freeze up so much but it just makes it seem pointless.

@destructive Sending some 💙💙💙

Thanks @Maggie

I went and it was horrible. I'm done, can't do it anymore, just makes things worse. I feel sick because I know what's coming and it's not good.

i made another appointment because she just kind of does that at the end but I'm going to cancel. What's the point when the thing that is meant to keep you alive can end you. It's like cancer treatment, sometimes you get to a point

where you think you may as well just live out the last part of your life with less toxins in your body.

@destructive I’m really sorry . It sounds like it was really tough.

Do you have anyone in real life that might help today ? Or something that might help the awful feelings. 💙💙

Your not wasting my time @destructive . I know all those internal conflicts, the wanting to talk , but freeze, the needing a hug, but feeling like cactus, wanting care, and feeling unworthy of it.

Is it helpful to write it out ? Diary kind of thing. I do that with my counsellor, we exchange books each week. Or write it out for you personally. It gets it outside of your head.

An incoming virtual hug. You would never get one in real life, no one dares. 😆😆

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Hi there @destructive,

I am sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. It is okay and normal to not know what to say or have nothing to say when you are in therapy. Sometimes it is not about what you say, but also to have a safe space where you can do so, if you want to 🙂 Have you thought about addressing this to your therapist?

If you don't feel like talking, I also want to invite you to chat with our wonderful counsellors SANE Help Centre Counsellors on web-chat. The Help Centre has really compassionate and caring counsellors that can sit with your distress and help you find a way through it.

Take care,

Peonies