Darkness

I totally get how you feel about Sean feeling like you can control certain things babe I get that at my end too. It is frustrating but like you said he is just being supportive the best way he knows how. I know that doesn't help though hun so I hope you are able to get into a place very soon.
the place with the horse therapy sounds pretty cool. Is that just like a day thing. You go for the day and then go back home and then go back the next day. And so on?
I really do hope work cover will help pay for your stay at the well-being centre babe. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.
My first 2 nights back home have not been great nights if you know what I mean and I have been experiencing a new FB that has a pretty horrific physical affect on me. It's just been very hard to control and I don't know what to do about it cause I can't control it. It's happen a couple times infront of the kids. Just not good.
@Former-Member

anyway I think I have already said way too much babe.

Hey @Bunniekins I hope you have a calming night too babe. Glad to hear son2 is happy 💚

I am sorry it's been rough for you Mel, I have been keeping up with you but i know you understand, but I haven't commented because I feel in my current state I would make it worse for you and me. I worry a lot about you being there alone once the boys are in bed, I trust you and your word though that you will keep yourself safe even when it's hard. Wishing there was a magic pill that could take it all away for us all. It must be distressing when it happens in front of them. Have you guys talked about it, in general terms that is?

The horse therapy is only for an hour session per week, but it's a start. It's a bit of a drive so it will take up most of the day though. (Sean will be driving) I had a panic attack today driving down the street where my client lives and I still haven't fully recovered from that, so the sessions can't start quick enough for me. I have my first ever psychiatrist appointment on Monday and feeling quite sick when I think about it. We did some painting pouring again so I will share it in another post later. @Lee82

I know you have been following that's why I have been real careful about what I post because I know that you are in no state to hear what is going on for me right now or support me and that's totally fine because you are looking after you which means so much to me that you are doing your best to self care as much as possible.

honey I am so sorry to hear about you panic attack. They are no fun at all and take sooooo much energy out of you. Just take it easy babe and please please for me be kind to yourself.
@Former-Member

I really hope the horse therapy helps babe. At least now you have something to work towards. It may seem like a very very long way away but it will come quick. Can't wait to hear all about it.
looking forward to seeing more of your paint pouring art.
love you Izzy 💜

Sweetheart if you are holding back on getting the support you need then that's not ok with me. Part of having my phone privileges back is to know that hen to step away from the fourm so please share whatever you need to get the support you need and I will look after me. I really don't want to lose phone privileges again. Don't let where I am at affect you babe. I love you so much probs more than 3000 😚 @Lee82

You mean the world to me izzy and I care about you more than life itself. Love you unconditionally babe. @Former-Member

Good night everyone I hope you all find some peace. @Lee82 @Bunniekins @Former-Member @outlander @Sans911 @NatureLover @Lee71

I am just to emotional to be here tonight sorry guys.

I'm sorry babe

good night

@Former-Member

@Former-Member I read your post on Sans thread from a while ago. And yours too @Lee82 .

I really dont know what to think. Im wondering if my post there today has caused all sorts of problems for everyone.

Like both of you, I have nowhere else, and no one else to open up to. Also like both of you, I have some very genuine friendships here. I couldnt tell you how many times Ive been asked to edit posts because they are too graphic.

I am sure nobody is asking either of you to leave the forums. And I truly hope you dont choose to go. You have both made huge progress in getting around and mingling with lots of other members over the past month or so. In doing so, you have both endeared yourselves to many other members, myself included.

I will state that when I mentioned discord on the forums (in my other apology post) I was definitely not referring to either of you. And neither of you have triggered me. I am aware of what you both discuss in your posts, and when I am not feeling up to it, I just choose not to read.

I hope you both sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. I am certain things can be resolved to suit everyone.

Please take care and Im really sorry knowing how upset you both are.

Tag me anytime.

Sherry 😔💖

Sherry please know and understand your post did not upset me at all, you actually provided me a safe place to say sorry for my own actions.You are one of most favourite people here (probs shouldn't have favourites) you are supportive and caring and funny as well. I love having you as my friend. Honey I am emotional tonight because it's been such a rough day for me irl, I am struggle to recover from what has to be the fastest panic attack, trying to deal with the fact that Sean and my daughter can't come within arms length of me withou me melting down and an message from the doctor saying he wants to talk to me in the morning 3 day's earlier then planned all have me on a very thin emotionally balance beam right now. @Sans911 reply to my post didn't upset me either, I absolutely love her honestly and openness, I think it's one of my favourite qualities in her. I did breakdown and cry at then end of Sans'a post but only because she said I was loved and wanted here. That is a phrase I almost never heard growing up. Please know I value your friendship and feel blessed to be able to call you that. @Former-Member