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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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@Owlunar , @Anastasia , @MDT Thank you all for your replies. It's nice to be heard and thank you @Emelia8 for your 👍 as well.

@Lee82 , are you around my love?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member 🤗💞

Emelia

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

My love your post has touched my heart in so many different ways. It hurts because you are hurting and because you are struggling but at the same time I have some positive feelings too because I see that you are trying your damn hardest to push through the darkness and get yourself to the other side. That makes me so very very happy. I am so proud of you beautiful more than I can describe for how you have decided to deal with all this stuff.
You are truly an inspiration to me and you help to give me a little hope that maybe one day I may feel the same way you do right now.
I love you my wonderful, gorgeous and amazing BFF. More than I can ever tell you.
@Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Lee82 @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thanks for that little doggie pic, cute dogs and kids always make me smile Em. ❤️ @Emelia8

@Lee82 , sorry honey have taken so long to get back to you. My daily routines are so important when I have so many active child alters. I skipped putting my bed away this morning, as it's in the lounge room. So I went out for a smoke and planned on checking to see if you had replied, then I woke up two hours later!! If I had put the bed away that would not have happened. How are you feeling tonight

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

No need to apologise hun. I get how important your routine would be for you having so many child alters to worry about not to mention your own self care routines.
I am not doing the best to be completely honest. I spent most of the day sleeping and I was suppose to go see my GP but couldn't bring myself to go after my last appointment with her. Just so embarrassed and ashamed.
Do you have an appointment tomorrow with one of your MH docs? Sorry my memory is shocking these days.
@Former-Member

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Thank you @Former-Member your post resonated with me too.

You have a lot of wisdom and insight to offer.

I'm thinking of you, and sending love and light back at you!

In response to: Re: Darkness

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I am sorry that you couldn't make it to your Gp today honey but I am sure she will understand, those appointments aren't comfortable even if there is no trauma in your past. Remember it's ok not to be ok, it's ok to spend the day on the couch. I would love you to remember how important you are to your boys, your brother and your friends here. You are enough babe and you are making great progress everyday. I am having a a rough evening, as usual nights are hard. Child alters scared of the dark, alcoholic alter searching for a drink and ocd alter constantly checking doors and and windows. Hoping your night is easier than last night. I will be around for a little if you want to chat. @Lee82

@frog ❤️

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Have you taken your night meds babe? I can't even imagine how tiring all that would be for you. Are you switching a lot at the moment hun?
May I ask who I am talking to? I feel it's izzy but I have been wrong in the past.
@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Yeah babe it's me Izzy❤️❤️ No I have pushed back taking them so I can do some other methods to calm my whole self down before bed. I am currently watching Under Arrest on Netflix and doing my diamond painting. @Lee82

@outlander 🦖 ❤️

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