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Something’s not right

Darkness

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2020, 7:03 pm AEST

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

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In response to: Darkness

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:18 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

I will @Lee82 Thank you

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:20 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

We are off to the city tomorrow to see the Myer windows. The boys are very excited about it. @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Darkness

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

Oh that is exciting @Lee82 Thank goodness it was able to be done this year after all that has happened - enjoy the day Hon

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:34 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

Thanks babe. Yes we are very lucky especially with what's happening at the moment in Sydney. I am hoping we don't see a third wave here. @Zoe7

Feeling very anxious about tomorrow. I do not do well in crowds.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:37 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

Concentrate on your boys Hon and their little faces as they see the windows. Crowds can be really difficult in any circumstances but with anxiety it makes it even harder. You have come so far though @Lee82 so you got this

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:50 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

Thanks for the vote of confidence hun. I truly do appreciate it. I think I am working myself up about it too much. The mind is such a powerful thing i feel like it is preparing me for failure. It's just so frustrating that I don't seem to enjoy anything anymore and all I have is anxiety and PTSD. Hyper vigilant and disassociation. @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Darkness

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 10:54 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

If you look back a couple of months though @Lee82 this trip would not even be a consideration - so whilst you feel anxiety and PTSD is ruling your life - you really have come a long way. Hypervigilence and dissociation are hard but you also have the love for your boys and their needs at the forefront of your mind - so you are winning already

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 11:05 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

That is true hun. I couldn't even walk out my front door. Seeing and acknowledging the little steps is something that I struggle with a lot. I don't think about the little wins. I guess I just want to be better right now and not have to worry about all the sh*t I deal with.
thank you so much for your advice hun. It truly does help me put things into perspective 🥰

@Zoe7

In response to: Re: Darkness

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 11:08 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

You are the one making those steps @Lee82 and you should be ery proud of the distance you have already walked. It is true we often do not see how far we have come when there still seems no end in sight but recognising and acknowledging those steps is just as important as making them ...you are doing that Hon - remember baby steps are still steps and they matter 👍😁💖

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor20 Dec 2020, 11:14 pm AEDT

Re: Darkness

I appreciate you helping me realise my tiny steps hun. You are amazing and a wonderful friend to me.
@Zoe7

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.