Darkness

I am going to just do reply here then jump back to the other thread. I just feel a little safer here @Lee82

I am really struggling with missing you amd our long as conversations. I no longer feel safe to share everything thing with you or to support you the way I use to. Not because of you at all but not wanting to break the rules. When I went to bed I got a couple of hours rest, but spent most of the night in tears. I was safe as I promised you, but it was a real struggle to remind that way. As much as you want me to be happy and safe, times that by 10000 and that's what I want for you and your boys. I have all but given up on finding the light at the end of my tunnel, but you actually see your light everyday in those boys eyes.

I guess I have said what I had to say and will jump back to the other thread now. You mean the world to me my love

Oh babe I'm so sorry last night was a struggle for you but please see that you made it through the night. It may have been a really tough time but you did it. I am so proud of you for making it through. We just have to take one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute.
to be completely honest I am struggling with the same thing. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to talk to you, how many times I've wanted to start up a conversation and tell you everything but I have been afraid to do the same. I have tried everything I can to be able to get to contact you a different way but have been told that it's just not possible for me to get that sort of information. Sorry that may sound a little cryptic but I don't want to say too much.
you have to keep fighting honey. You have to for me. You may not see the light at the end of your tunnel honey but it is there you have to believe that. Your children love you babe even if you don't feel like they do right now. Look how your son reacted when you told him what was going on for you right now. He cares very much about you babe. I care deeply about you and cannot think of life with out you in it. You deserve happiness, you deserve love and you deserve peace. You have been through so much honey and you are still here that has to count for something. That shows me you are strong that you are a fighter and that somewhere inside no matter how small there is hope.
love you more than I can discribe babe.
I will leave it there and move back to the other thread.
@Former-Member

Just writing this in here cause I'm not sure if it should be said on the other threads.
remember how excited you felt and happy you were that you have reconnected with your cousin again. Remember how you were so excited to organise your trip down to visit her and her children babe. Remember that and those feelings and hold on to that. This gives you something to aim for something to look forward to and gives you some thoughts of how much fun you will have up there just relaxing and chatting and laughing and just having an amazing time.
remember that I will always be here for you and that I am hearing you even if you don't say the words just how much pain you are in. I know even though you are having these good little moments that you are still struggling a lot. I see you are trying so very damn hard to hold on and I am so thankful for that but you need to keep holding on. You need to realise you are strong and can get through this. You have done it before and you can definitely do it again.
I love you babe so very very much and I need you in my life forever.
@Former-Member

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@Lee82 wrote:

I love you babe so very very much and I need you in my life forever.
@Former-Member

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This was eight hours ago, if nothing has changed then I am begging you let me know you are safe @Lee82

I am not feeling safe to post this anywhere else. Also read the post before this one please. I am jumping straight back to the other thread. @Lee82

I don't know if you remember this part of my last post last night. @Lee82

"@Lee82 , my love I am going to head to bed meds have kicked in. I have never hope so much that I am wrong."

I knew and I was convinced that you had succeeded this time. I went to bed put "Beautiful In My Eyes" on repeat and prayed to every god I know and when the emptiness wouldn't leave I asked Kylie to meet you and hug you for me and to never leave your side.

Don't forget to read the post here before this one. Love you endlessly

Please talk to me @Lee82 , Nat is calling in five so I will take a bit to get back to you. Please don't do this

I am very proud of you for considering hospital babe. It takes a lot of courage to take that step.
I only hope I haven't lost you as a friend. I'm so sorry for all the pain I have put you through and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
you are very special to me.
we both have tried to leave the world and I want you to know YOU are the reason why I want to stay as well as my boys. Them and YOU are what gets me up in the morning, what gets me through the days. Talking to you everyday keeps me going. Last night was just a moment of great weakness and I am not planning on that happening again. I'm sorry

@Former-Member

Are ok my love? Are you safe? You are mind as well, you are the first and last person I think of. You there is nothing you could ever do or say that would stop our friendship. Please let me know you are ok my love. @Lee82

I am safe. It has been a very emotional day and I am exhausted but cant sleep.
how are you beautiful?

@Former-Member

@Former-Member