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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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@Former-Member 🧡

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Before I fall asleep again I would like to know if you are safe my gorgeous BFF. @Lee82

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I'm so sorry I have been asleep hun. I am safe.
Love you always and forever

@Former-Member

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What are you doing up my love? You ok?

@Former-Member

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I think I have enough sleep that's all. I really slept the day away yesterday and was in bed last night and asleep by 8:30.

What about you sweets? @Lee82

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@Former-Member Hey hunny hoping you are feeling well and that life is being kind to you. Take good care of yourself we love you DizzyIzzy. Love peaxxx

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So sorry my love I feel asleep last night before I could message you back. Were you able to get some more sleep? How are you feeling today? Any plans for the day? Has the switching eased a little hun?
sorry bout the 20 questions

love you always!! ❤️
@Former-Member 💜🦋💜

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It's all good Mel, I was doing my ironing and didn't check for a while. I am just happy you got back to sleep. I did get another 2 hours myself. The switching is still pretty high and intense and it was made worse by back to back appionments with my Nat's ( my new phyic is a Nat too) I am tryung hard to move forward a little everyday and have to remind myself that it's ok to not do so well some days. I have missed chatting with you and my other friends so much but I just haven't had the words or engery this week. As for plans I am working on getting a list of stuff I need to buy to do my christmas presents and what I need for my special project. The more I think about that project the more I want downstairs done so I can start on it and I want to tell you about it but that would ruin it for everyone, this project is for all my sane family. The song I will be putting here please really listen to the words my love. My turn for 20 questions, How have you been (truth please), how are your boys, do you have any plans other then homeschooling, have you done what you need to so you can go so the EDMR? @Lee82

I was trying to find a song that fit my mood and my feelings about you, my fourm family and while I haven't been here much this week you guys are never far from my mind. So while I may take a step back from time to time this is very much how I feel towards you all.

@Lee82 @Bunniekins @outlander @Emelia8 @Anastasia @Zoe7 @NatureLover @Eve7@Shaz51 , @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Angels333 @Appleblossom

https://youtu.be/s7CHl9cB-m8

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Firstly hun I want to say thank you so much for that song. It really touched my heart in a profound way and I was in tears.
I have missed you so very much too my love but I understand that things have been very difficult for you lately. Just remember I am always here for you no matter what.
I am so sorry to hear that things were stirred up for you after speaking your Nat's but glad to hear that you are trying to be kind to yourself and know that you can't be ok everyday and that it is ok to fall backwards a little just as long as you are fighting to go forward hun.



as for me homeschooling has been extremely tough and mr9 is falling behind in his work because I don't have the capacity to be present with him all of the time. It is just sooooooo tiring and hard to deal with right now. I have no other plans these days except for homeschooling.
I also have been back home on my own with the boys for almost a week now as Mum and I had a massive fight and I couldn't take it anymore. I haven't really seen or heard from her all week. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is what I needed your advice on. I have everything organised for hospital but am reluctant to go now that things are very strained between mum and I. I'm not sure if she will have the kids now and I have no one else. I have been back and forth in wether I should bite my tongue and swallow my bride and apologise. If you have it in you hun some advice would be really appreciated but please if you can't right now I completely understand. I have been putting off telling you because I know you have been struggling a hell of a lot this week and I didn't want to add to it.
I love you so very much hun and I hope today ends up being a better day for you beautiful . You deserve it. You have been doing extremely well. I am so very proud of you.
@Former-Member ❤️💜💚💙

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@Former-Member Love to you Dizzyizzy. Always good when you check in :D. I have to admit when I havent heard from you or @Lee82 for a couple of days I start to worry..... so please check in with the pea so that I know you are okay. Love you peaxxx

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